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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU for dh to take a big pay cut and for us to claim more tax credits?

387 replies

balenciaga · 04/06/2014 11:47

I was going to nc for this as I think I'm gona be told we are being v v U. But fuck it am on my phone and can't nc on it and CBA to put laptop on to do it

Anyway. Dh has a new job. It's 32k, on that, we get 48 a week tcs with 3 dc (believe it or not that's ok money where we are)

However dh hates his new job, it's stupidly long hours and very stressful with no sign of letting up. I know it sounds pathetic but he has been in tears over it. we have a new (ish) born baby as well and he's never bloody here. And when he is, he is a tired mess and no good to any of us. He has a contact that has offered him a job working for him but it's only 20k

However it's a huge drop. And we initially thought he can't possibly take it as we would be skint. But then we did a calculation on hmrc site and worked out that if he took the new job we could claim higher tcs which would take us up to around a similar income, a bit less but not much

New job dh could do with his eyes closed and it's much less hours and easier work. So he will have a better work life balance and not be making himself Poorly with stress

But the idea of claiming more tcs doesn't sit right with me, and I also worry that soon they'll be put a stop to anyway

So I'm putting this to the mn jury...ps: fwiw I will be going back to work in a few months so we would not claim them long term

OP posts:
DamnBamboo · 04/06/2014 21:36

No it's really not and based on the first few 'thumbs up' responses, the OP had no intention of him doing this!

So this 20K job will still be waiting, just for him, after what will several weeks of trying to deal with all this and, she's posting about worst-case scenario now!

Oh please.

Bearbehind · 04/06/2014 21:39

X post damnbamboo Grin

GogoGobo · 04/06/2014 21:42

YABU, if your DH is capable of earning £32k he should look for another job at that level. He doesn't have to stay in a job he is unhappy in but why look for the easiest option based on a handout? Why should the state subsidised a lifestyle choice? Crap example to DC too. Life is a bit tough with a new job so regress and get propped up by the state........rubbish

Original poster
balenciaga · 04/06/2014 21:43

I did say in the op I'd be going back to work.

and just because I didn't specify, in my OP, exactly what dh would do BEFORE taking the decision to leave his job (IF he did) people think I'm changing my story or whatever. Can't win really

Anyway I'm not clever or articulate and not good at getting my point across or arguing esp when it's written down so what's the fucking point I'm just a thick waster and a drain on hardworking tax payers who shouldnt even have had kids

As I said I'm not in a good place mentally either and I feel like people are going for me a bit just to be nasty

But carry on if it makes you feel good about yourselves

OP posts:
Bearbehind · 04/06/2014 21:48

OP, you said you expected to be told you were being v v U.

That's what's happened so why are you surprised.

Did you secretly hope people would actually condone you consciously bucking the system when you have options? Hmm

Chunderella · 04/06/2014 21:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bearbehind · 04/06/2014 21:56

I think it would interesting to establish how many condoning this are actually reliant on benefits themselves............

Chunderella · 04/06/2014 22:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DamnBamboo · 04/06/2014 22:01

p.s. for the record, under the right circumstances I don't condemn doing this!

I claim nothing and never have.

Bearbehind · 04/06/2014 22:04

It would be just as interesting to hear about what people who are condemning this have claimed...

Zilch!

TallDarkandUgly · 04/06/2014 22:08

Why are people being judgmental about swapping a good paid job for a low paid one and finding this gives a higher entitlement to Tax Credits? A bit daft maybe but definitely not immoral. Come on people, let's not get the Daily Mail take over our heads

Ponkypink · 04/06/2014 22:09

Would you really get that much in tax credits? I'm on less than 20k, and expecting none or very minimal (just to cover after school club) next year when youngest starts school, because pretty much all of what I get is the childcare element. I'd be very surprised if CTC alone brought your income from 20k to 32k when you are at home to do childcare. I would think you'd get maybe £500 a year, not £12000!

Fideliney · 04/06/2014 22:09

Most years we don't qualify for TCs. I think the OP and her DH should take short term subsidy if they need to.

Original poster
balenciaga · 04/06/2014 22:09

No I'm not surprised . And people are entitled to their opinions

But just feel attacked and like some people are trying to pick holes in what I'm saying

I shouldn't have posted but guess maybe subconsciously I wanted people to jump on me because I do feel a total loser who deserves it.

Can't cope anymore with everything i have going on

I dread every day ie I don't want to wake up in the mornings I mean literally I want to cry when I've got to do yet another day

I dread dh coming home because (what's left of) the evening will just be full of stress and talk about nothing but work and money

I can't eat and I can't sleep. I can't concentrate on anything. People talk to me and I am nodding and agreeing but have no idea what they are saying. I forget things . I'm avoiding my friends and other family and just trying to hold it together for dh and the kids

I'm exhausted coping with a new baby who does not fucking sleep. With other dc picking up on all the tension and playing up all the time and being demanding. with feeling an absolute massive fucking failure as a person and in life generally

OP posts:
gatofeliz · 04/06/2014 22:11

I'm reliant on tax credits even though Dh works 48 hrs a week at a whopping 6.40 an hour in a dirty sweaty factory alongside hundreds of other people also reliant on Tax credits.

If they paid him 30,000 a year i'm sure he'd quit claiming it for us because we wouldnt need it.

I cant see that happening anytime soon.

You can stick me on the 'do whats right for your family' list regarding the OP.

Bearbehind · 04/06/2014 22:13

OP, you aren't in the right place for this discussion.

Do you have anyone in RL you can talk to?

Your DH taking this job isn't the right decision in the long term, it just puts pressure on you to return to work if the TC thing doesn't work out.

If he's capable of earning £32k, he needs to look for another job in the same ball park and ease the burden on you.

TallDarkandUgly · 04/06/2014 22:15

You poor thing OPThanks
Please don't say you're a loser. You're just tired and fed up which is totally understandable with a young baby, a useless DH and two more children.
The last thing you need is to post about benefits on MN though...Sad

Fideliney · 04/06/2014 22:15

balenciaga Flowers and you still posted on here? Told you you were brave!

Seriously just treat this year as a one-off emergency and do what you have to do to get through it including all the hackneyed advice about ebaying and meal planning etc.

What do we all know about your life anyway?

gatofeliz · 04/06/2014 22:15

balenciaga you do whatever you need to do to look after your family, screw anyone elses opinion.

Things will fall back into perspective once your Dh has the massive stress lifted off him in a new job.

Goodluck x

Fairylea · 04/06/2014 22:16

Why does it matter whether those who agree are claiming tax credits or other benefits? By doing so does that make their opinions any less valid?

TallDarkandUgly · 04/06/2014 22:18

Go to CAB and ask them to do a "what if" benefits calculation. Also ask about budgeting advice, it's called cashflow or financial capability

TallDarkandUgly · 04/06/2014 22:18

Go to CAB and ask them to do a "what if" benefits calculation. Also ask about budgeting advice, it's called cashflow or financial capability

BobPatandIgglePiggle · 04/06/2014 22:22

Op please give yourself a break. You sound like you're having a hard time at the moment and this isn't helping.

Benefits are for people who need them. It sounds like your family need them right now.

It's not forever. You've both worked, both paid in. Don't be too hard on yourself love.

Original poster
balenciaga · 04/06/2014 22:24

I don't have anyone in rl to talk to

I don't want to tell my friends as I'm embarrassed and don't want to bore them. I also literally do not have the energy to even see them it takes every thing I have to just get through every day

I can't talk to my parents as I have tried but they don't understand ...they don't live in the real world tbh and i already feel a massive failure to them as Dh and I are not successful in their eyes in so many ways (2 failed marriages between us, we both have several kids with different partners, shit jobs, a rented house, no hope for the future...I could go on) so I'm not telling them anything I've said here I've already let them down enough

I'm 34 years old and I am honestly ashamed of my life I really thought I'd have come to more by now and I'm terrified of the future and genuinely think and have thought for a long time that I have failed my dc

OP posts:
BumCrapulence · 04/06/2014 22:29

Don't post here if you are feeling that low. Honestly, I said it above and I'll say it again. Do what is best for your family. You're not committing benefit fraud and nor are you doing anything illegal. Why should a bunch of strangers views on here make you feel bad? A word of advice: never ever discuss your finances with anyone. It's not their business. Even online.