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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WIBU for dh to take a big pay cut and for us to claim more tax credits?

387 replies

balenciaga · 04/06/2014 11:47

I was going to nc for this as I think I'm gona be told we are being v v U. But fuck it am on my phone and can't nc on it and CBA to put laptop on to do it

Anyway. Dh has a new job. It's 32k, on that, we get 48 a week tcs with 3 dc (believe it or not that's ok money where we are)

However dh hates his new job, it's stupidly long hours and very stressful with no sign of letting up. I know it sounds pathetic but he has been in tears over it. we have a new (ish) born baby as well and he's never bloody here. And when he is, he is a tired mess and no good to any of us. He has a contact that has offered him a job working for him but it's only 20k

However it's a huge drop. And we initially thought he can't possibly take it as we would be skint. But then we did a calculation on hmrc site and worked out that if he took the new job we could claim higher tcs which would take us up to around a similar income, a bit less but not much

New job dh could do with his eyes closed and it's much less hours and easier work. So he will have a better work life balance and not be making himself Poorly with stress

But the idea of claiming more tcs doesn't sit right with me, and I also worry that soon they'll be put a stop to anyway

So I'm putting this to the mn jury...ps: fwiw I will be going back to work in a few months so we would not claim them long term

OP posts:

Original poster

balenciaga · 04/06/2014 20:55

Just to be clear it wouldn't just be a simple case of jacking his job straight in and taking the new lower paid job without first trying to sort his current one out....some people are suggesting that's what he'd do, but I haven't said that have I?

Of course he would go through all possible channels first ie hr / his manager etc.

And yy to the posters saying about benefits (tax credits) being precarious ....I said that in an earlier post, I doubt they'll be around much longer in their present form, they've already been cut a lot i believe. So I agree that that in itself is a good reason not to rely on them.

OP posts:

WeirdCatLady · 04/06/2014 20:56

IMHO benefits should exist as a last-resort safety net, not a career choice. I'm sorry your OH is stressed. But lots of people are stressed. Lots of people have to do crappy jobs that don't pay very well in order to provide for their families. Lots of people would like to be a SAHP but can't afford to because they want to work for their money, not get it all handed to them on a plate.

Fideliney · 04/06/2014 20:57

This is not an attempt to moderate by the way, merely an observation.

Are we all going to have to issue that as a disclaimer now before we comment on anything any poster has said?

DamnBamboo · 04/06/2014 21:01

If he gets so ill with stress, then working at all should be reviewed?

Is this the comment you're talking about?

What I meant is working 'in that job' at all (rather than working anywhere at all) should be reviewed.

I can however see that's not clear.

Teach me to post without proofreading.

If someone is too ill to work (which is what stress-induced resignation would be) then fair enough. But I think a professional should assess that.

DamnBamboo · 04/06/2014 21:02

And for the record, I did clarify that earlier already.

But again, the selective readers on here amaze me with their ability to ignore certain posts and certain cojent point that have been made by many.

DamnBamboo · 04/06/2014 21:03

I'm doing well here! Cogent.

ChelsyHandy · 04/06/2014 21:03

I can't say YABU or YANBU because people handle stress differently. I would be really concerned though that your DH was thinking of giving up a reasonably well paid job so early - I'd prefer to see him giving it a year or at least 6 months (sorry haven't read whole post so not sure how long he's been there). New jobs often get less stressful a few months in as you get used to the culture/regime/people.

It sounds as if perhaps he isn't very good at dealing with stress. The working hours you mention aren't that bad - plenty of people do more and in the professions you do far more on half that salary for a couple of years minimum (admittedly you have higher earnings to look forward to). But pushing yourself to adapt and cope with things like jobs is often far more rewarding than dropping out (and 20k for a full time job for a 42 year old is very low).

Most jobs are stressful in some way. But employers generally want motivated people who learn how to cope with jobs, which is why they ask those sort of interview questions. tbh I'd be worried if I were you that it were the thin end of the wedge and that he might continue to avoid stress or possibly even employment responsibility in this way in the future.

DamnBamboo · 04/06/2014 21:04

Observations are fine fide but you were telling me what I should and shouldn't be saying.

Slightly different.

DamnBamboo · 04/06/2014 21:06

No OP, you haven't.

A big oversight really.

DamnBamboo · 04/06/2014 21:07

In which case and as per your last post, he would not be particularly unreasonable to do this.

HavannaSlife · 04/06/2014 21:08

We are in a similar position, 3dc, dp has a new job which he doesn't like much at all but he earns about 15 k a year more now (was se before) tax creadits down to £40ish a month.

Longer hours now and the phone rings almost non stop, even at weekends. He will be keeping the job though, hes actually 3 months in and doesnt hate it as much as he did in the begining.

We both worry that tc will change, which is one of the reasons he started looking for a new job in the first place. We felt quite insecure having to religh on money that could change at any point.

We do have the added bonus of holiday pay now, along with no more worry that he will get winded off, hurt himself or that it will snow; which all meant no pay when he was se

scottishmummy · 04/06/2014 21:14

If hes capable of getting a £38k job currently he need to look fir another job same pay
You need to think about working,look fir nursery,cm for baby or think of work at home
Benefits are a safety net,protective factor when no other options.you both have options

Fideliney · 04/06/2014 21:15

Observations are fine fide but you were telling me what I should and shouldn't be saying.

Nope. It was the sheer volume of your posts that leapt out and made you seem hectory.

I was just saying ease off, NOT change the content.

Fideliney · 04/06/2014 21:16

(Although I was disagreeing with the content which is allowed I believe?)

TallDarkandUgly · 04/06/2014 21:18

Tax Credits are not on the way out. They will be part of universal credit which won't come in until 2018 for most of the country. Plus there is a transitional amount guarantee in place which means that for at least 2 years UC won't pay less than the old benefits.
It is true however that Tax Credits are awarded based on the previous year income so if you want your payments to go up, you'll have to ring them up and say that your forecasted annual income will be less than it was last year. It's not a problem unless you end up earning more than your forecasted new income as you would end up with an overpayment (the buffer doesn't apply if you've revised your income half way through the tax year).

DamnBamboo · 04/06/2014 21:20

Anyway fide - seriously! Is this going to be your contribution to the thread? To keep posting at me, rather than responding to perfectly valid points which countered your previous assertions.

BolshierAyraStark · 04/06/2014 21:22

I'd expect a job over £30k to warrant long hours & stress tbh, it's a good salary & you should expect to earn it.

Relying on TC is not a good idea so weigh up if you can manage on just the £20k salary & whatever you'll earn when back at work before you decide.

Country is fucked when you can take that sort of drop in salary & 'top up' to almost the same level in benefits

Fideliney · 04/06/2014 21:27

To keep posting at me, rather than responding to perfectly valid points which countered your previous assertions.

(Thought I was answering your posts at me )

OP has explained that she is returning to work in a matter of months and that her DH will not switch jobs until tthe obvious stuff has been tried so a lot of the points being made are superfluous.

littledrummergirl · 04/06/2014 21:28

I dont think tax credits will change much. I think they should however it is hard for people on minimum wage and tax credits at the moment. The tax credits are keeping many people in their homes and food on the table. The poorest in society are reasonably content and placid.
Will they stay that way if they cant feed their children or house them? What government is going to want riots and similar?

Op, I think you should do the right thing for your family. I am pretty sure your dh didnt decide to be a father and never see your dc.

We weighed up our options and decided that our time is a much more precious commodity.

DamnBamboo · 04/06/2014 21:30

OP has explained that she is returning to work in a matter of months and that her DH will not switch jobs until tthe obvious stuff has been tried so a lot of the points being made are superfluous

She has just explained that now. Nowhere in her OP did she say they would be doing this, or even intimating that they would. She simply said they were considering him swapping and claiming extra TCs and should he do it. If she had posted the situation (as she now says it is), the responses would have been very different.

BeCool · 04/06/2014 21:32

I'd expect a job over £30k to warrant long hours & stress tbh, it's a good salary & you should expect to earn it.

Lots of people on minimum wage work long hours, in constantly stressful conditions. And they earn every penny.

Of course you can earn £30k working normal hours, with a normal workload. Being paid £30k or more doesn't mean you have to expect to be flogged/stressed at work.

Being overworked and stressed is not a pre-requisite to earning £30k or more.

DamnBamboo · 04/06/2014 21:32

tried so a lot of the points being made are superfluous

They were made to you before this and you didn't respond.

My own view is OP is now backtracking based on what she originally posted.

If she is now going to consider doing as has been suggested, then good!

Some of the posts disagreeing with what was believed to be her original course of action, have clearly made a difference.

Fideliney · 04/06/2014 21:34

Most people do try the obvious rather than flouncing straight out though. Perverse to assume he wouldn't.

scottishmummy · 04/06/2014 21:35

Clearly he has skills and abilities to command that wage,he needs to get new job same wage
Or if you want to limit the wage he goes,you need to look to work
Given the govt ideological stance i wouldn't advise pack in work for TC

Bearbehind · 04/06/2014 21:36

OP has explained that she is returning to work in a matter of months and that her DH will not switch jobs until tthe obvious stuff has been tried so a lot of the points being made are superfluous.

I know that's what the OP said after getting stick for it but surely the offer of the £20k job is on the table now, they're not going to wait until the DH has tried all the other options in his current jobs.

In my mine it is indefensible to consciously choose to take a lower paid job and top up with tax credits when you have other options, particularly when you've chosen to have 3 children.

Also PMSL at tax credits just being money you're owed being paid back- me and DH are owed thousands then.

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