WIBU for dh to take a big pay cut and for us to claim more tax credits?

[balenciaga]

I was going to nc for this as I think I'm gona be told we are being v v U. But fuck it am on my phone and can't nc on it and CBA to put laptop on to do it

Anyway. Dh has a new job. It's 32k, on that, we get 48 a week tcs with 3 dc (believe it or not that's ok money where we are)

However dh hates his new job, it's stupidly long hours and very stressful with no sign of letting up. I know it sounds pathetic but he has been in tears over it. we have a new (ish) born baby as well and he's never bloody here. And when he is, he is a tired mess and no good to any of us. He has a contact that has offered him a job working for him but it's only 20k

However it's a huge drop. And we initially thought he can't possibly take it as we would be skint. But then we did a calculation on hmrc site and worked out that if he took the new job we could claim higher tcs which would take us up to around a similar income, a bit less but not much

New job dh could do with his eyes closed and it's much less hours and easier work. So he will have a better work life balance and not be making himself Poorly with stress

But the idea of claiming more tcs doesn't sit right with me, and I also worry that soon they'll be put a stop to anyway

So I'm putting this to the mn jury...ps: fwiw I will be going back to work in a few months so we would not claim them long term

[Bearbehind]

Well you don't start looking for other much lower paid jobs if you're suffering manageable levels of stress...

But he hasn't been looking- a contact has handed it to him on a plate and he's considering it as he doesn't like what he's doing now and they've realised they can keep the same overall income with TC top ups.

That's very different to having consciously decided that he wants a much lower paid job, that he's happy with the affect on is cv and then actively researching and applying for one.

It does sound to me very much like he is doing this on a whim after one or two tough days

Rightly or wrongly many people work unpaid overtime and long hours and it does get tough sometimes.

[YouAreMyFavouriteWasteOfTime]

talking about leaving a job because of stress when you have not even taken basic NHS advice does not seem like looking for an easy option not actually dealing with the stress.

[YouAreMyFavouriteWasteOfTime]

once more:

talking about leaving a job because of stress when you have not even taken basic NHS advice seems like looking for an easy option not actually dealing with the stress.

[HoopyViper]

I get what you're saying youare, and agree op and dH need to get support for the stress. But I do not blame op or dh for considering leaving now, since there is a firm job offer on the table. I don't know whereabouts in the country you are, but where I am competition is crazy, and harder when you are already struggling from stress and under lots of pressure.

[YouAreMyFavouriteWasteOfTime]

hoopy - I can get stressed in a stressful situation if I don't look after myself: e.g. alcohol = bad, exercise = good.

this seems fairly normal to me.

so if someone does not look after their body/brain but then wonders why they don't feel good, a first step should be taking obvious healthy living advice.

and its what the NHS recommend.

[HoopyViper]

I would also repeat my point from very early on in this thread that yes stress management can help, but if the main stressor is the workplace, and that is unlikely to change, then all the stress management techniques in the world won't solve things. It's a bit like being in an abusive relationship, where the victim feels it's all their fault because they should/shouldn't do this or that and IF they just to this or that differently it will be manageable.

But really this is now a futile debate, since I would be very surprised if the op wanted to divulge the full details as they have already stated they don't want to be outed. The discussion around how stressed the DH is and how far the company is at fault needs a full confidential assessment from someone qualified. OP and DH need to seek outside support for their health and DH could do well to give ACAS a call. I think we are all in agreement with that?

OP just make a decision you feel you can live with, there will always be someone who disagrees, ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY DON'T KNOW THE FULL FACTS.

[Darkesteyes]

HoopyViper Fri 06-Jun-14 14:38:58



I would also repeat my point from very early on in this thread that yes stress management can help, but if the main stressor is the workplace, and that is unlikely to change, then all the stress management techniques in the world won't solve things. It's a bit like being in an abusive relationship, where the victim feels it's all their fault because they should/shouldn't do this or that and IF they just to this or that differently it will be manageable




THIS. Totally agree Victim blaming seems to be happening in both cases.


The manager was phoning and harassing the OPs DH on what was meant to be his day off FFS!

[YouAreMyFavouriteWasteOfTime]

comparing a job where someone has been phoned by work while on holiday on one occasion with an abusive relationship is just lazy thinking.

[HoopyViper]

No, the point is there may well be more going on that op doesn't want to divulge.

[Bearbehind]

No, the point is there may well be more going on that op doesn't want to divulge.

There might be but equally it might just be exactly as the OP has outlined and comments about 'harassing' and 'crippling stress' might be exaggerations - the fact is we don't know.

What is indisputable though is the fact that whatever decision they make shouldn't be taken on a whim and should be taken after exploring all option, not just going for the easy option.

[HoopyViper]

You are right there - but I'm not sure putting it to the MN jury is making a decision on a whim or an easy option though!

[Bearbehind]

Fair point