WIBU for dh to take a big pay cut and for us to claim more tax credits?

[balenciaga]

I was going to nc for this as I think I'm gona be told we are being v v U. But fuck it am on my phone and can't nc on it and CBA to put laptop on to do it

Anyway. Dh has a new job. It's 32k, on that, we get 48 a week tcs with 3 dc (believe it or not that's ok money where we are)

However dh hates his new job, it's stupidly long hours and very stressful with no sign of letting up. I know it sounds pathetic but he has been in tears over it. we have a new (ish) born baby as well and he's never bloody here. And when he is, he is a tired mess and no good to any of us. He has a contact that has offered him a job working for him but it's only 20k

However it's a huge drop. And we initially thought he can't possibly take it as we would be skint. But then we did a calculation on hmrc site and worked out that if he took the new job we could claim higher tcs which would take us up to around a similar income, a bit less but not much

New job dh could do with his eyes closed and it's much less hours and easier work. So he will have a better work life balance and not be making himself Poorly with stress

But the idea of claiming more tcs doesn't sit right with me, and I also worry that soon they'll be put a stop to anyway

So I'm putting this to the mn jury...ps: fwiw I will be going back to work in a few months so we would not claim them long term

[gamescompendium]

I'd be concerned about taking such a big pay drop and the effects on his career and therefore your family income long term. I think he should stick it out short term so he is still gaining skills while he looks for another job with a more similar salary rather than taking such a big pay drop while you are on maternity leave. Once you are back at work then is there any possibility of his reducing his hours in his current job (the company are legally obliged to consider it although I know some employers are shite about actually offering it) while he looks for something else? Or looking for a similar job elsewhere and then negotiating reduced hours? Then he could do some of the childcare which would be good for family life.

I think you both need to come up with a plan that doesn't mean one of you becomes deskilled. then if you've got something to work toward it mit make life a bit easier. If you are still on maternity leave with DC3 then you are at a really hard stage of family life, we've got three and things have got easier since I went back to work and we are getting better at coping with all the work that needs to be done. It does get easier and once stress at home gets less as your LO gets older then your DH might find the stress at work easier to deal with as well.

[IfNotNowThenWhen]

Maybe OP's DH could go for the easier less stressful job option, and when OP goes back to work, he can drop his hours to become the main carer, and OP can concentrate on building her career for their future. You never know, it might be the best solution.
There is no reason why the man always has to have the "proper" career and the woman earn the pin money.

[jellybeans]

'You know what? I just never get the whole "why should I pay you to stay at home" shtick. I have no problem whatsoever paying taxes to enable a lone parent, for example, work fewer hours so they can spend more time with their child.
Is raising happy, well adjusted children who occasionally see their parents not of benefit to the whole of society?
Because I thought it was.'

I totally agree IfNotNowThenWhen


And for the people saying it is selfish to put your own family first, this is the way of our society with most people looking out for themselves and competing. No matter how much TC people on low incomes get it doesn't seem unjust if you look at ridiculous footballers wages, wages often have no relevance to how hard a job is. everyone should get a living wage, if someone gets TC on a f/t job then good for them, why should they manage on a pittance?

[TrueGent]

It is not selfish to put your family first - I suggest it is your duty.

However, please do so within your own resources.

That's it - basically.

How ironic that those that seek to retain their own money are labelled 'greedy' whereas those that want to spend others' are considered 'deserving'.

[jellybeans]

Nobody needs millions though. More equality would be better.

[TrueGent]

jellybeans - who determines 'need' though?

You? Some Government committee? Or perhaps each of us as individuals and members of families?

Aim low and you won't even please the lowest; aim high and we all get lifted.

[TrueGent]

And another thing - those that seek more "equality" conveniently overlook the logic of their argument that they would be happy for the poor to be poorer, if "the rich" were relatively less rich.

To value the difference between people over everything else is truly wrong.

[jellybeans]

For a start all workers should be able to afford a basic roof over their heads and to heat their homes and feed themselves. At present many can only do this with TC etc. 4 million+ claim TCs.

I am not happy for the poor to be poorer.

Life should be about caring and compassion for others not money, status and competition. Society is screwed up.

[Bearbehind]

How can you possibly justify that someone who can command a salary of £32k should cop out and supplement their salary with TC's.

He can afford a roof over their head without TC's, he just doesn't like the job required to do so.

There's only a finite amount available for benefits- if too many people did this it would prejudice those who truly need it.

That's why I will never understand why so many people say - yeah just go for it

He has options- many others don't.

[Bearbehind]

I wonder how much support there would be for this situation if there was a 'one in one out' rule or just a pot of money divided by the number of claimants for tax credits?

I'm pretty sure many people would change their tune if they were told that someone who earned £32k has decided to opt for a lower salary to be topped up by receiving much higher tax credits which means the rest of you must take a cut in your benefits in order to balance the books

[HoopyViper]

those that seek more "equality" conveniently overlook the logic of their argument that they would be happy for the poor to be poorer, if "the rich" were relatively less rich

I bet you wouldn't have said that to Martin Luther King.

[HoopyViper]

he just doesn't like the job

Bearbehind, what's your advice re: the fear culture? Or are you saying this acceptable?

[HoopyViper]

OOh I'm just on another roundabout and I'm going to get off now, I'm getting nowhere lol.

Good luck OP, try to get some support from your GP - it will help I am sure.

[Bearbehind]

The OP hasn't elaborated on what the fear culture really means therefore it's not possible to comment.

TBH from what she has said, it doesn't sound horrendous.

She said his work hours were 7am until 5.30pm but he regularly works until 6pm. I suspect many people work 30 minutes more than they are contracted.

Legally they can't refuse to allow a lunch break. If he stands his ground on this and they sack him or persecute to the extent he's forced to leave he can go for unfair or constructive dismissal.

The bit I really don't get is it seems that, although the job is new to him, the DH has worked for the company for a long time so surely he knew the politics and expectations of the role before he took it.

£32k is quite a bit more than the average wage so it's not going to be a walk in the park.

[YouAreMyFavouriteWasteOfTime]

i dont understand why no one seems to agree that many stresses are manageable. DP & I often find work stressful and work long hours (which seems fairly normal) but we manage our stress and when we don't we do feel more stressed.

The OP does not seems to be looking for workable solutions but wanting validation for the running away from it route. there are many stresses in life that are unavoidable (illness/death) and if you don't work out coping strategies for day to day stresses you will be screwed when the life throws something very tough at you.

[GerbilsAteMyCat]

I am delighted that the OP feels the money earned by others working long hours away from their children in jobs they may not necessarily enjoy should fund herlifestyle.
Work is called 'work' and not 'HAPPY HAPPY FUN TIME' for a reason.

[Gen35]

But there is manageable stress and there is crippling stress. Everyone's ability to cope is different. Crying and feeling powerless on a daily basis is crippling. I agree it's not about the hours or responsibility as such, and op's dh needs some counselling but like a lot of things on mn we have to take the reported crippling stress levels being felt as a true statement.

[Serenitysutton]

He needs to find another job- the tax credits are a red herring. Find another £32k job. If there are none then maybe you need to accept he was being paid £32k not for his skills and experience but "blood money" for terrible conditions. Bad companies often pay very well
Because they find it difficult to attract and retain staff.

Whether he finds another £32k job or sticks with the £20k, if he's been there a year he can them take them
To tribunal for constructive dismissal. I am
Assuming he has done the common sense thins such as discussing and lodging his unhappiness etc, his grievance at not being allowed to take annual leave.

[Bearbehind]

I agree many stresses are manageable youare and I totally agree the the OP's DH doesn't seem to be looking for a workable solution- just a cop out.

Even the update that he's decided to grin and bear it is testament to that as it's not a long term solution.

I also don't see how someone who has got upset over work now has 'crippling stress'. Where does it say he is crying and feeling powerless on a daily basis? That seems somewhat of an exaggeration

[FindoGask]

"if you don't work out coping strategies for day to day stresses you will be screwed when the life throws something very tough at you."

That doesn't necessarily play. To take one example, I can tie myself up in knots at the thought of going somewhere new for the first time or making a particular phone call, but on the few occasions in my life where the shit has really hit the fan, I have been perfectly calm and rational. Different stressors have different effects on people.

That's not to say I don't agree with your wider point about coping mechanisms. Working out strategies for dealing with stress means taking some control over the situation, which in itself is helpful.

[YouAreMyFavouriteWasteOfTime]

findo - but I suggest you are the exception. most people have a common view of what causes stress with death and illness being way above a phone call.

I posted a link above of how the NHS says you can better deal with stress.

if I were the OP I would have gone there! but then it depends what sort of solution you want.

[Gen35]

Well you don't start looking for other much lower paid jobs if you're suffering manageable levels of stress...

[YouAreMyFavouriteWasteOfTime]

but the OP does not think their income would be adversely affected so he is looking for an easier job not one that will reduce the HH income.

[Gen35]

But as many people have pointed out, he's taking a cut to his cv and long term earning potential too, not just income. You don't do this on a whim after one or two tough days.

[writtenguarantee]

TC are calculated using the previous years salary so would remain at £48 per week

who is eligible for 48 pounds per week? what's the household threshold?

two separate issues here. Should the OP do it? Sure, if it works out for the family. But it might not in the long run (loss of opportunity and potential fall in TC).

the other question is that should this in general be doable? I think I see why some people think the welfare state in Britain is out of control.