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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To consider having DC3 on basis of hiring a Night Nanny and Perhaps a Day one too!

101 replies

splodge2001 · 03/06/2014 21:41

DS is now 12 and DD is 5. I really can't be arsed with night time feeds, sleep deprivation, depression, anxiety and all the stuff that's really awful about little babies (i'm an awful worrier)

So, having ruled out DC3 I was sitting here wondering if, well, I could have my cake and eat it by having a Night Nanny and maybe a day one too! I'm not rolling in cash -far from it but I live in London and could probably re-mortgage to come up with the money.

Are night nannies any good? I suffered dreadful insomnia/sleep deprivation with DS and DD.

OP posts:
MrsChickPea · 03/06/2014 21:47

Why is it exactly you want a 3rd? Do you get bored when one starts school and think "I know, I'll have another baby". There doesn't seem much point really if you're paying someone to look after it the whole time. Why not get a hobby?

PotOfYoghurt · 03/06/2014 21:50

I think if you were to have another baby you would be better to see someone to address your anxiety issues.

If you had a night nurse you would most likely still be unable to sleep and worrying anyway, even if you aren't getting up to the baby in the night. A nanny doesn't take away your anxieties, and in fact can often exacerbate them.

kinkyfuckery · 03/06/2014 21:50

I think that's a bit unfair MrsCP. I know plenty of people who have children because they want another child, but don't particularly enjoy the baby stage!

SirChenjin · 03/06/2014 21:51

Ummm....honestly? It doesn't really sound as if you're desperate for another DC Grin

Oakmaiden · 03/06/2014 21:52

Agree with kf - I would quite happily miss the baby stage (or subcontract a good part of it) and go straight to the older child.

Original poster
splodge2001 · 03/06/2014 21:54

I always wanted a third but had always discounted it. It took me a long time to have a second. I always put everything into, every single day without a break or help and DH working long hours. I was often very lonely too. I just wondering that now I'm older, can I cut myself some slack?

Do night time nannies actually work?

OP posts:
MrsChickPea · 03/06/2014 21:55

Apologies if offended. Sorry. BUT.... just seems so wrong. OP was quite lighthearted so didn't know whether actually serious or not. And I've not known anyone that didn't like the baby stage (goes without saying that no one likes being stressed and tired). But there would be big age gaps... so not like 3 toddlers on the scene...

Vajazzler · 03/06/2014 21:56

I'd quite happily go in on a timeshare arrangement. You do the pregnancy and birth, I'll take over the first year or so then you can take over from whichever point you feel most comfortable with. I love babies!

soverylucky · 03/06/2014 21:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Realitybitesyourbum · 03/06/2014 22:02

Why don't you foster or adopt? Plenty of older children needing families...

SleepySuitcaseSheepie · 03/06/2014 22:03

What about a maternity nurse? They work 24/6 for a short period of time - normally a max of 8 weeks and they help get the baby into a routine of feeding/sleeping

You could get a nanny who worked 25/5 - I'm a nanny and know p nannies who do this, would be cheaper then two nannies.....

Would you happy to give control up/ give your tiny baby to someone else in the first few days, the babies who will spend thier whole days with them etc

TheWanderingUterus · 03/06/2014 22:05

YANBU. I would have had a third if I could have afforded a lot of help. The baby stage almost broke me with both my DCs and I honestly couldn't go through it again. I really didn't enjoy it at all as DH was away a lot and I had very little support from anywhere else. I have a largish age gap and only had another as DH said things would change work wise (hollow laugh).

Now they are older it's brilliant and I love being a parent, but the sleepless nights, crying, repetitive everyday drudgery, the baby stuff like pushchairs etc and having someone attached to me all the time was just too much.

Go for it.

WorraLiberty · 03/06/2014 22:05

A night nanny doesn't sound like a bad idea

But if I had a night nanny and a day nanny, I would worry I might bond with the baby as strongly as I had bonded with the others.

I'm not saying that would be the case, but it's something I would worry about.

I also wouldn't re-mortgage my home either.

Reality makes a good point about fostering/adoption. Is that something you've ever thought about?

Iggly · 03/06/2014 22:06

So you want a baby but not if said baby does what babies do and need looking after Hmm so you want to outsource that bit Hmm

GoshAnneGorilla · 03/06/2014 22:09

Somewhere on MN was a thread for high flyers and for them, hiring a maternity nurse was very much standard practice, so they might be able to tell more about what it's like.

No judgement from me, I cannot bear the post-birth sleep deprivation and I can fully understand contracting that job out.

Silvercatowner · 03/06/2014 22:10

If I could have skipped the baby bit I would've had a 3rd. It's not 'wanting a baby' it's 'wanting another child' - the baby bit doesn't last long. I'm sure other people will judge wildly, but I'd go for it.

dementedma · 03/06/2014 22:10

Hated the baby stage, all 3 times.
Crying,feeding,shitting,demanding...that's it.
Much better when they are bigger and you can interact

Original poster
splodge2001 · 03/06/2014 22:12

thanks vajazzler. Yes I was flippant but there is a serious question underneath.

OP posts:
restandpeace · 03/06/2014 22:12

Getting help is a goid idea but really dont you wang to spend anytime with baby?

Viviennemary · 03/06/2014 22:12

Not sure if it's wise to remortgage your house to finance this. But I don't blame people for hiring a night nurse, nanny or whatever if they can afford it. I know a few people who aren't mad about the tiny baby stage. I quite liked it but not the sleepless nights.

KnittedJimmyChoos · 03/06/2014 22:13

So you want a baby but not if said baby does what babies do and need looking after hmm so you want to outsource that bit hmm

Babies are so much more than things that wake up at night.

Op - I see nothing wrong with your proposals except of course putting yourself at financial risk but you know your limits.

If you can afford a night nanny and some day help, I would go for it,

If I had access to that sort of help I would have a third without much hesitation.

Remember anyone judging you on help, may have armies of grandparents to help out, or siblings etc..or have put their baby in a nursery from age 2 days old.

As for the actual nannies I think they are professionals no,...who would come? They cost a fortune so one would hope they came with specific timely goals. As for day nanny yes....I think if you dont have family to help its wonderful to be able to pay help to come in and your still around,....perfect all round..

PixieofCatan · 03/06/2014 22:13

What about a combo of a maternity nanny and then a part time nanny? A maternity nanny for the first 6-12 weeks who can get baby into a routine at night which you will find easier to deal with and then a part time nanny during the day once maternity nanny leaves (or at the same time) who can be about a few days a week so that you can catch up on sleep, spend time with the older kids, go out and do your own thing, do errands, etc. Then you'll have a few days a week with baby as well whilst saving costs by having a part timer.

It's what my current boss did, two older and then a gap before the third, got a part time nanny in to help her cope with the normal day-to-day bits when baby was quite young IIRC. I started when baby was a year. I fully intend to have a part time nanny when we have children! I really think that it should be made easier/more affordable for everybody to have a part time childcarer or helper!

Iggly · 03/06/2014 22:13

The baby stage is so important for bonding and laying the foundations etc. Studies have shown this.
.to outsource the lot is ludricuous and selfish.

If you can't hack the baby stage, don't have one.

Iggly · 03/06/2014 22:14

And I say this as someone who works and has a nanny.

I'm objecting to the idea of a night and day nanny.

restandpeace · 03/06/2014 22:14

I can honestly say (cliche) threes a charm. My 3rd was a nightmare... But I was so in love and still am, it was lovely!