To consider having DC3 on basis of hiring a Night Nanny and Perhaps a Day one too!

[splodge2001]

DS is now 12 and DD is 5. I really can't be arsed with night time feeds, sleep deprivation, depression, anxiety and all the stuff that's really awful about little babies (i'm an awful worrier)

So, having ruled out DC3 I was sitting here wondering if, well, I could have my cake and eat it by having a Night Nanny and maybe a day one too! I'm not rolling in cash -far from it but I live in London and could probably re-mortgage to come up with the money.

Are night nannies any good? I suffered dreadful insomnia/sleep deprivation with DS and DD.

But op will still be there iggly, are parents who put 3 month babies into nurseries from 7am to 8pm also selfish ?

Its the perfect situation would you be saying it if her mother was there to help her? With her still in the house? she hasnt even said how long the nanny would be there for.

Yes I want the baby but without the baby bit. I can hold my head high, having exclusively demand BF both, used laundered nappy service, cooked all my own food, didn't go out for years. I just want to try something different!

splodge, go for it if you can afford it.

people have armies of nannies and help and gardeners and house keepers, and three nannies for two children and so on, and frequent trips abroad witout children....

honeslty.. just do it.

All well and good to think of using nannies if you can afford it. But I can't believe no one has commented on the fact the plan is to re-mortgage. Absolutely ludicrous idea. Wouldn't you be better not remortgaging and saving money towards the two children you already have or save up and then have DC3 with the money for a night nurse?

Iggly That was what I thought at first, but then by having an experienced maternity nanny who would be good at ensuring the parent/child bond was facilitated (assuming this would be what OP was thinking of?!) then it could work. It's partly why I suggested a part-time nanny, as then OP had a few days a week to have quality time with baby however even with a full time nanny the nanny and OP could swap between the baby and the older children, as there would be school runs, homework, quality time and nursery duties to attend too.

Iggly I'm not really advocating outsourcing the lot but I can tell u that both DCs helped induce severe anxiety disorders (are they going to die in their sleep, what if i feed them the wrong food etc etc)so when you factor that in perhaps not so selfish?

OP I am totally with you!! My DC are much younger, only 3 and 18m but I want another next year and I know I can't do it without help. I'd probably skip the night nanny as I want to breast feed but would seriously consider a night or two a week once milk is established and I'd have a nanny in the day or maybe an au pair to help juggle them. I am not a fan of the first year at all and hey if you can afford the help why not. I get the flippant side with the serious undertones totally - people that go back to work soon after having their babies still bond with them, so am sure you can too. Although if your older DC are at school perhaps even just having a night nanny would make the world of difference as you'd only have the baby for most of the day. My issue is having three at home that I'd need to get dressed, out the door and in their car seats!

mm maternity+ part time sounds good. I'm researching all this first because a third DC is a total no no unless I can get help!

Do it if you think it would work for you.

I hated the baby stage with dd and am planning to keep our nanny on during mat leave with any dc2 so that I have daytime help.

I've considered having a maternity nurse or night nanny too (dd was an absolutely appalling sleeper, is still bad, and another the same would break me) but don't think it would work for me as I'm too much of a control freak - I'd be hovering over their shoulder the whole time, or feeling uncomfortable about them taking my baby away - and also EBF is very important to me and I suspect that means a night nanny wouldn't be able to give me all that much of a break anyway.

so I guess what I'm saying is - think through how it would actually work and if you'd really be happy with that set up once the baby is here. for me it seemed a good idea at first sight but I am pretty sure I wouldn't like it I reality.

But there's a real chance that leaving your newborn with a nanny/nannies, could trigger even worse anxiety.

Also, if the child has a disability or a high amount of special needs, the 'baby' stage could last for years and years.

Just a couple of things to think about

I should add though I am not really a worrier at all -that may not abate even outsourcing the care. Although maybe lack of sleep exarcebates anxiety, I don't know.

Oh lord, if I could I'd hire an extra pair of hands. Just someone that would do more interesting play stuff with one whilst I spent time with the other or just to help when we do big trips. I don't want to hand them off, just knowing that you're not on your own is so nice.

OP - I'm also thinking of having a night nanny 1 or 2 times a week if we have number 2 (DS is 2 and a half). I have a good career and found the baby stage very difficult - PND, terrible sleep deprivation for 2 years making my return to work at 11 months very challenging. We have a great nanny 3 days a week atm who we would not want to lose but I think a few nights of sleep would help. I really enjoy time with my son now and love him to bits but found the first year difficult.

Splodge, given that you breastfed your two children, would you be ok not breasfeeding the third - or would you do it with the nannies? I have no idea who this might work, but I don't see that you'd be much less sleep deprived. I'm just curious about how it would actually work.

Do you also think that nannies would reduce depression/anxiety? I figure a lot of this is hormone-driven. I would have loved to be able to have outsourced my pregnancy anxieties.

Yanbu. I wish I could afford it and had the space and courage to get a night nanny.

calla It could be that a nanny would bring baby in when it needed feeding, or OP could express? There are ways to facilitate it but it depends on what OP feels comfortable with.

I wouldn't have even had dc1 without a night nurse & day help! Most of my (professional) mother friends did it. We were all back to work within 3-6 months though.

I started expressing fairly early on so I could sleep through - and I did. Had plenty of time to bond/just hang out together, I just didn't want to be sleep deprived and all consumed by baby. Dd is now w delightful toddler and I adore spending time with her.

Women are so judgey about using help in the early years. For some reason it's only allowed if they're related to you. And you MUST suffer. Why, I don't know.

I am an alien me thinks .15 years of SAHParenting and loved almost every minute . Is this why no one talks to me at parties ?
I love that people in mn are honest about how they really feel !
I am sitting bf a two yr old with conjunctivitis - no way I'd pass that pleasure onto someone else . I'd gladly let someone else do all the mundane jobs like entertain mil and ocado order .
It certainly won't make you any less of a mummy op - but as woora said, think about the what ifs . They have a tendency to pop up sadly .

I had a night nurse twice a week for 10 weeks when my twins were small (weeks 6 - 16). It cost a fortune and it was worth every penny.

I don't know why people think it wouldn't be "worth" having another if you had someone to do most of the routine childcare. Plenty of fathers have that set up and love their DCs. I think I'd quite like a nanny now they're at school to do that fractious bit between school and dinner time and hassle them to do their homework. I'd takeover for all the fun bits.

I know a few posh people who had maternity nannies, initially I was but I can now see the nannies were incredibly skilled at short-trm care and setting up the routines that would help the whole family to thrive.

however you'd remortgage for this? Are you actual bonkers? You are essentially considering taking security away from your existing children to fulfil your broodiness for a dc3. Not cool IMO.

I'm a maternity nurse, currently waiting for two week old to digest her milk and relax into sleep. I'm here to support the parents and let them get as much rest as possible for the next five weeks. There is plenty of time for both parents to bond even while I'm on duty. I've worked with mums with both anxiety and post natal depression and a experienced MN will be adept at ensuring that your confidence is built and that you get to spend time with baby as well. When I've done night nanny work I usually arrive in the late evening around 10pm sit with mum while she bfs or give bottles, then I settle baby and get sleep myself, middle of the night feedings I either sit with mother while she breast feeds or give a bottle. I leave in the morning around 7am leaving nursery tidy and bottles sterilised.

Costs maybe prohibitive or it may be a cost of a holiday or giving up a brand new car. An experienced 24 hour MN will be minimum £140/24 hours up to average of about £180. Night nannies would be a minimum of £10/hour usually with a minimum of 10 hours per night. Average is probably about £15/hour. We are self employed so do our own tax and nic.

As a MN do what you feel is right for your family, I get to enter families at such an emotional, nerve wracking time but it's great to see when I leave a family parents who have the confidence and enjoyment with their new borns.

I'm not really advocating outsourcing the lot but I can tell u that both DCs helped induce severe anxiety disorders (are they going to die in their sleep, what if i feed them the wrong food etc etc)so when you factor that in perhaps not so selfish?

What makes you think that this wouldn't happen anyway? Using a nanny takes great trust. I wouldn't have been happy having a nanny look after my newborns - I was incredibly anxious about them. Ridiculously so! Even now I worry that they've been in an accident when I'm at work and I wouldn't know.

When you've had a "bad" experience with the baby stage the desire to do it again "properly" can be strong. I was just in pieces with DS but am okay with DD.

No way would I re mortgage my home though! Mind you I wouldn't want to foster or adopt either - always surprises me when that one corms up.

Get a nanny, don't. Whatever. But to remortgage to do it?? No way!

I'm not that concerned about remortgaging - as mentioned I do live in Central London. It's a small flat - so I don't know how that would work with a Night Nanny but it's got plenty of equity in it.