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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To report her?

170 replies

CiderLover · 03/06/2014 17:12

There's a girl on my Facebook who is dating my friend.

Anyway, she works in a Travel Agents in our City.

She has posted a photo of an elderly gentleman in her shop looking at a brochure, can't wuite see what the brochure is but she is taking the piss, saying he is "reliving his youth". There are several piss take comments below it. If this was my dad or grandad i'd go fucking nuclear.

What do you think? Should I write an anonymous email or just keepy nosey face out of it?

The photo shows his entire face btw. Would you be annoyed if it was you or a relative?

OP posts:
PiggyontheRailway · 06/06/2014 21:51

If this woman has to face the consequences of her actions why should the OP not have to face the.consequences of hers.

LadyNexus · 06/06/2014 21:55

Because the op didn't humiliate and abuse the confidentiality of a customer at work?

Seriously when did reporting someone for being a nasty twat become a bad thing?

Oh yes wouldn't life be wonderful if we all minded our own business all the time....

Just ignore the kids bruise, none of my business

That dogs looking quite thin and ill, they sure yell and throw things at it a lot, oh well never mind none of my business.

Those people are harassing and bullying a vulnerable person and making them cry....(whistles and saunters off in opposite direction)

Yeah....that totally would work.

nauticant · 06/06/2014 23:58

If this woman has to face the consequences of her actions why should the OP not have to face the.consequences of hers.

Putting aside the fact that the OP has done absolutely nothing requiring her to be called to account, your approach would mean that cowed victims of bullies shouldn't have a voice unless they're up for a confrontation. That is an astonishing approach to take.

PiggyontheRailway · 07/06/2014 01:23

Regardless of good or bad consequences are consequences. The OP wants to report her and that's fair enough, wanting to do so anonymously seems to me routed in dislike of the girl rather than some moral imperative to protect the vulnerable. Furthermore if you are prepared to report and not tell her you've done but will make nice with her in public because she goes out with your friend, that seems cowardly and two faced.

careeristbitchnigel · 07/06/2014 01:30

does she deserve to lose her job over it, especially when they are hard to get these days?
A) it won't be the OP that decides whether this woman loses her job. It will be her management. And if she loses her job she has nobody to blame but herself
B) if she loses her job someone else who is desperate for a job and won't take the piss out of their customers can have it instead

Then she can realise that if you want a grown up job you behave like a grown up, not a 13 year old

PrincessBabyCat · 07/06/2014 02:44

The test is this:

If you would report a good friend for doing it (and be honest), then you should report it. If you wouldn't report a good friend for doing it, you don't have an old man's welfare in mind.

You haven't reported her because you want us to tell you that you have moral high ground so that if you feel bad about the consequences you can say you were only trying to do the right thing. You don't, and you're not just trying to do the right thing.

Reporting someone and then pretending to be clueless when they get in trouble or lose their job is pretty nasty. It's underhanded. If this were a good friend of yours, you would have talked to her directly instead of taking it all the way to corporate to get her in trouble.

Like I said, report it if you want. But call it what it is.

LadyNexus · 07/06/2014 07:58

No, just plain ridiculous.

Some people do not like confrontation, some people are bullied and cowed.

You seriously suggest that none of these people could ever report someone being a cunt anonymously....because that would be 'mean'

I'm starting to think some of you are up to some shady stuff. Either that or your moral compass is way off.

MintyCoolMojito · 07/06/2014 09:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChubbyKitty · 07/06/2014 09:18

Yanbu. I have to agree with ladynexus.

PrincessBabyCat · 07/06/2014 09:43

I'm starting to think some of you are up to some shady stuff. Either that or your moral compass is way off.

How is it morally ok to report someone and potentially jeopardize their job while still being friendly and nice to their face? It's back stabby. At least unfriend her from facebook and stop contact with her.

MintyCoolMojito · 07/06/2014 09:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LadyNexus · 07/06/2014 09:45

Where does op state she's going to be playing best friends with the twat?

PiggyontheRailway · 07/06/2014 12:07

Distancing yourself is not the same as cutting all contact. I'm not trying to suggest the OP and
this women are BFF's but if she is going to meet her in the future in social settings and have some contact with her partner who is her friend then she should be honest about what she's done.
If the need to report the woman is coming from some deep moral imperative why would the OP not tell them both what she had done and why.
If the OP is doing this because she has found a way to drop someone she dislikes in the shit then she should be honest about it , it seems to that the protection of the man in the photo is just a nice byproduct of fucking this women over.

Swannery · 09/06/2014 09:57

It's highly unlikely that the old man or any of his family will ever see that Facebook page. The OP only saw it because she's friends with this woman's boyfriend. It's not the same as taunting the old man in public. And those people who have suggested that she contact the woman's employer pretending that she's a family member of the old man are really just joining in a bullying campaign. You are suggesting that she fabricate a story to make what the woman has done seem as bad as possible. If the OP is going to report it, she should as a minimum say to the employer that she has seen the Facebook page as she is an acquaintance of the woman who therefore has access to her Facebook. Be honest to that extent.
As I said, I suspect that the OP is vicious - using this as a pretext to cause serious trouble to someone she is probably jealous of.

JaycesMummy · 09/06/2014 10:00

To be honest I wouldn't get myself involved, just goes to show what kind of person she is.

Ioethe · 09/06/2014 10:29

I would do it, but then I'm quite vindictive. Take that as you will ;)

MostWicked · 09/06/2014 11:41

It's highly unlikely that the old man or any of his family will ever see that Facebook page. The OP only saw it because she's friends with this woman's boyfriend.

There's no way you can judge that. Her profile could just as easily be public.
Even if it isn't, people copy and share "funny" photos.
There was a story about a mum who posted a photo of her own daughter in a swing. Someone took the photo and turned it into a meme. It went viral and to this day, if you Google "Mood Swing" on images, you see her photo. That image will never be deleted and the mum and her daughter will have to live with that.

This woman had no right to take a photo and post it and she should be disciplined over it because she did it with the sole intent of taking the piss out of a complete stranger who had every right to believe that her job was to help him find a holiday brochure.

LadyNexus · 09/06/2014 11:41

Hope you reported her op!

Galactus · 09/06/2014 11:47

Any update on your decision to report?

Sallystyle · 09/06/2014 12:14

I kind of think we have a duty to report things like this.

If it was our father or granddad in the picture I think we would all be very grateful for the OP for reporting it and standing up for our loved one.

I think we all should take a stand against this kind of behaviour, and not reporting it would be the wrong thing to do.

It is not vicious or vindictive. It is standing up for someone who can't do so themselves; in this case, because they are unaware of it.

If I go into a shop of any kind I do not expect my picture to be taken by a staff member for the amusement of social media. It is a low thing to do and it needs reporting.

I don't think turning a blind eye to this stuff is the morally right thing to do.

Sycamoretrees · 09/06/2014 12:30

Well said U2TheEdge

Swannery · 09/06/2014 13:44

She's taken a photo of a man she doesn't know reading a travel magazine and made up some silly jokes. Unprofessional and puerile, but it's not going to devastate him if he sees it.

CSIJanner · 09/06/2014 14:34

Swannery - you don't know that. If someone did that to my DF and he found out, he'd be humiliated, angry, upset and wouldn't want to leave the house again. I know this because some years back some dickheads idiots ripped the mick out of him in town. He didn't realise they were talking about him at first but he was devastated when he realised. There is no reason for disrespect when nothing has been done to deserve it other than to look at a holiday magazine.

Smartiepants79 · 09/06/2014 19:56

I know my grandparents would be utterly humiliated.
And it's exactly the same as taunting someone in public.
It's a form of cyber bullying. You can be arrested and jailed for that.
You would be horrified if you saw someone taking the Micky out of an OAP in the street. Wouldn't you? Anyone who did it in their place of work would be sacked (I hope).
This is no different. In fact it's worse as the victim has no chance of defending themselves. It also as the potential to reach thousands of people across the world.

CeliaFate · 09/06/2014 19:59

It's highly unlikely that the old man or any of his family will ever see that Facebook page. The OP only saw it because she's friends with this woman's boyfriend.

Does that make it ok? What if I took photos of you sunbathing in the park, or wearing an outfit I disliked then posted them on my Facebook page mocking you? Is that ok? It's completely unacceptable.