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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To report her?

170 replies

CiderLover · 03/06/2014 17:12

There's a girl on my Facebook who is dating my friend.

Anyway, she works in a Travel Agents in our City.

She has posted a photo of an elderly gentleman in her shop looking at a brochure, can't wuite see what the brochure is but she is taking the piss, saying he is "reliving his youth". There are several piss take comments below it. If this was my dad or grandad i'd go fucking nuclear.

What do you think? Should I write an anonymous email or just keepy nosey face out of it?

The photo shows his entire face btw. Would you be annoyed if it was you or a relative?

OP posts:
SinisterBuggyMonth · 04/06/2014 18:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PiggyontheRailway · 04/06/2014 18:54

I

Original poster
CiderLover · 05/06/2014 14:56

Just admit you don't like her. Report if you want, but don't act like you're doing it out of moral principle for an old man. She was stupid and did something she shouldn't have, and you're taking of that. Not saying you're wrong, I think most people would call someone they didn't like on their bullshit. But let's just call it what it is

If that was the case then I wouldn't have asked for advice on it, I would have just gone ahead and done it wouldn't I?

And trust me, there are plenty of things I could pull her up on if I WANTED to.

I just think this is wrong and plain nasty.

OP posts:
PiggyontheRailway · 05/06/2014 15:36

Cider it is clear you don't like the women and I would say that has clouded your judgement on what to.
When you do report her anonymously will you still be friends with her on facebook?, will you still speak to her partner? if it ever comes up in conversation will tell her it was you that reported her? If your willing to drop her in the shit because of her actions but not willing to be up front with her about what you are going to do it looks to me more like maliciousness rather than trying to the right thing by this elderly gentleman

Original poster
CiderLover · 05/06/2014 16:06

What gives you that impression?

As I've said more than once, if I wanted to be malicious then I would have just reported her by now

OP posts:
PiggyontheRailway · 05/06/2014 16:23

I don't think your being malicious by reporting her. I think you are being malicious about doing it anonymously.
She isn't a stranger to you and chances are you are going to have to speak to her again in the future, unless you are going to cut her and your friend completely out of your life?
So you are willing to get this women sacked and act like it's all ok when you see her? sounds pretty malicious to me.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 05/06/2014 16:29

I agree with Piggy.

It's not malicious to pull someone up on reprehensible behaviour. As you say, it is just "wrong and plain nasty"

However, it is malicious to do so anonymously in an underhand way particularly since you are also motivated by dislike and past history.

If this were a good friend you would be far more likely to either not mention it at all, or draw her attention to the fact that her profile is public, you thought it was out of order and she would almost certainly lose her job over it if it wasn't removed.

LadyNexus · 05/06/2014 16:33

She sounds like the malicious one. That could have been one of our elderly fathers/ granddads, things like that can really hurt people.

As well as just being a mean bitch she did that at work to a customer! For that alone she needs a talking to. Does confidentiality mean nothing now?

Report her ass op, or send me the link and I will.

Early pregnancy hormones have made me pretty malicious today Grin

allmycats · 05/06/2014 16:39

Report this immediately, if this was my father in the picture I would be round to the agent like a rocket.
SUNSHINE - was it you who did this because your reaction is very odd

Original poster
CiderLover · 05/06/2014 17:04

I also thought it was sunshine or a relative!

OP posts:
sunshinecity17 · 06/06/2014 00:08

Sorry to disappoint, I'm a vet not a travel agent I just don't understand the Orwellian Big Brother-style reporting of this that and the other that has fuck all to do with you.This only seems to be a MN thing.I know no-one like this IRL, people are generally too busy with their own lives to go round busybodying about things that have nothing to do with them.
If the OP does not do it anonymously and is prepared to own up to the woman concerned that it was her, then I will take back what i say.But I don't think she will.

puntasticusername · 06/06/2014 05:05

I never understand why people say it would be the person reporting her who would "lose her her job". As if it's their responsibility. Whatever consequences ensue from reporting this woman's poor behaviour, she is wholly responsible for herself for behaving that way in the first place.

Pantone363 · 06/06/2014 05:23

I reported a friend who did similar. He was the manager of a mobile phone shop (big chain) who videoed and uploaded a customer with SN trying to buy a phone. Massively piss taking, the staff were laughing at him in the video asking stupid questions and confusing him on purpose.

He didn't get the sack.....

LadyNexus · 06/06/2014 07:50

Pantone in that case I would have threatened the manager with media coverage of the fact they failed to act with evidence of employees discriminating against and harassing someone with sn.

puntasticusername · 06/06/2014 08:12

Pantone That's disgraceful! He probably didn't get fired because he's a fantastic seller or something. Agree with pp, I think I'd be strongly tempted to publicise that further.

Pantone363 · 06/06/2014 10:37

He was the manager of the shop.

Numerous other videos of them taking the piss out of passerbys oh and phoning sex workers on loud speakers and asking them about prices and abusing them down the phone. Lovely chap.

puntasticusername · 06/06/2014 18:33

It just destroys my (at best, tenuous) faith in humanity that people get away with that kind of shite.

Itsfab · 06/06/2014 18:43

That elderly gentleman could have been a colleague of the ones just seen on the news..

Trillions · 06/06/2014 18:54

Report her. But crop your details off the screenshot before you send it!

Swannery · 06/06/2014 18:59

YABU - it's none of your business. It's a slight joke about a fully dressed adult, not posting pictures of child porn FGS. And you want to try to get her sacked? She's not v nice, but you sound vicious.

Subtext · 06/06/2014 19:00

Well if she's thick enough to put it on FB then any one if her friends could report it. Who's to say one of her other friends hasn't already reported it anonymously and if OP were also to do so, she'd be second in the queue?

I don't see why you have to tell her you're reporting her. I'd just go ahead and do it. It's not like she's been discrete is it?

Trillions · 06/06/2014 19:02

You can say to her boss that you are a Facebook friend of hers who has recognised their beloved uncle/neighbour/friend's dad in the photo.

NK5BM3 · 06/06/2014 19:12

I would report. There was a case in my home country where a mini-celeb tweeted a photo of an elderly man in clothing that has holes (from wear and tear etc). With some sickening comment about how pathetic/poor he looked etc.

Social media went ballistic and really hurled abuse at her and because it's a small world, managed to track the guy down. She took down the photo, apologised (but not to his face) and he obviously felt humiliated etc.

Everyone was against her, and rightly so. He is someone's father/brother/relative. Angry

thecatfromjapan · 06/06/2014 19:12

Can you give a hint as to which town/area and which company, Pantone?

I really, really , really don't want to be paying the wages of sexist, disablist pigs. I am very serious about that.

I work hard. I would hate to be paying someone to act like that.

MostWicked · 06/06/2014 21:08

I don't think your being malicious by reporting her. I think you are being malicious about doing it anonymously.

Why does it become malicious when it is done anonymously? I actually think it has more value done anonymously. If the person who reported it is identified, then it becomes about them, and this needs to be about the man and her behaviour.

YABU - it's none of your business. It's a slight joke about a fully dressed adult, not posting pictures of child porn FGS. And you want to try to get her sacked?

It's a vulnerable adult and she is having a laugh at his expense. That is a nasty and ignorant way to behave. It is bullying behaviour.
How would you feel if that was your child or your mother who a complete stranger had photographed, posted online and taken the p1ss out of them?

If you saw a group of people, pointing and laughing openly at an elderly man who was minding his own business at the bus-stop, would it not be the decent thing to step in and protect the man? Is that not how civilised members of society should behave?

There are too many people who think, this doesn't involve me, I'll just look the other way. Doing that is bad enough, but criticising people who do step in to protect the vulnerable, is really low.

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