to feel upset that primary school has failed to teach my son ( age 11) to write properly?

[SensingSolo]

Had a difficult weekend, but I'll spare the sob story, and this feels like another straw on the camel's back ...

I decided to help my son improve his handwriting, for the second time in his primary school career. It was so bad around Y4 that I had to go to the school and ask for some advice as to how I could help him at home , which I did as best I could.

Recently, I have noticed his handwriting is still poorly formed and have decided to have another go before he starts secondary school.

However, what I have now realised is that a lot of it is to do with the WAY he holds his pencil - like a claw! This is going to be hard to correct after such a long time, and my son was very upset at having to change it. Assuming we can of course, after 6 years of doing the wrong thing? Anyone help here btw?

I feel soooooooo hacked off that the school have not taught him the correct "tripod" way to write (which makes it so much easier and clearer). There seem to be so many things that primary schools do now in a huge curriculum (with a lot of political correctness thrown in). But really all I want my child to do is learn to basically read and write and some simple maths. I can do the rest.

Feeling both angry and upset at having to now do this, when I think its a teacher's job. Now, I feel like I have to teach my child to write all over again. Neither of us are relishing the thought ...

(p.s. we've left that school, so no point in going back and complaining).

What do I do now? Can I help him?

He is 11, you see him everyday. I assume YOU have seen him write, did it not occur to you to correct the way he holds his pencil?

DS1 had dreadful handwriting. Did loads of practice with him and so did school. In the end he did a touch typing course and can now type without looking at the keyboard. He did well in GCSEs and A levels and is now at Uni where everything is typed.

In the end I gave him ownership of making small improvements to his handwriting, concentrating on one or two letters at a time and seeing if he could do it during normal lessons. I'd also make positive comments about a well written page and ask him what he did and could he do more of that. His teachers said as long as he can write quickly and you can read it, that's fine.

I worked as a TA in a primary teaching handwriting and it made me appreciate how hard it can be to change. I had to change some of my own letter formation and it took me 6 months to get rid of a curly 'd' with no descender!

DS2 also has untidy handwriting, although not as bad as DS1. I've done nothing this time except comment about the difference between neat and untidy. He's getting there.

I'd suggest work through some handwriting books, then focus on a couple of letters at a time over the next few years. It will come.

Good luck, it's not easy. P.S. My DH has terrible handwriting and he has a really good job.

I agree with hackmum. This thread appears to have disturbed a vipers' nest

Its victim blaming to give someone a kicking then berate them for an upset reaction.

OP you are not being very nice

I have 2 children who have had different learning needs - I approached the school and plans where put in place BUT as a parent I also worked at home with them to support the school and monitor progress

If I had felt nothing was changing I would have approached the school again - and again - until I was happy their needs where being met

To ask - then wait 2 years or more without bothering to check he was getting the support you felt he needed - then moan about it suggests you weren't that bothered initially

you have some responsibility for advocating for your child in school - a teacher has 30 kids to worry about - you have one

I used this person's book www.iihs.com/vimala-rodgers.html to improve my writing when I was a bit depressed, with crappy writing, when I was 40+. So I think anyone can change their handwriting.

I also learned to touchtype using a typewriting book, it takes about 10 hours to learn touchtyping so you can learn in a week.

gordi I have done what you say in your post but have found that some teachers are just unapproachable. Some are fantastic and will support you, others gave told me outright that they just don't gave time for that .
If, by any chance, you get the last type if answer and you aren't sure if yourself to stand up to the teacher that is suppose to know, whatSre suppose to do??

It's all and well to say 'but you should have tried harder' but not easy for those of us who are struggling to stand up to some one of 'authority'

Blimey, just checked that link, world peace through handwriting!

OP YANBU

I think comments along the line of how unreasonable the OP was being for expecting the school to teach and not stepping up herself are fairly shitty

I appreciate this is not the case for the OP but a lot of people struggle with literacy and handwriting and to come on for a bit of a rant and some help and then be told what a bad parent you are....well I would have got very sweary as well. Talk about living up to a bad reputation..some people already think mn is full of bitches!

Having said that I am never, ever posting on AIBU!!!!!!

Hope you get it sorted OP, we got a tutor for a few months in the end. I know that's not for everyone.

My DS2 is 16 .He has weird double-jointed fingertips and gets awful cramps from writing a lot.
A few weeks ago ,In view of GCSEs coming up, he started experimenting with grip, and now holds his pen differently.I don't think it was any bother holding it differently, in fact after the first few minutes, I don't think he even thought about it.
I broke my arm when I was 9 and quickly learned to write with my left hand
You are being ridiculous to think he can't change his grip.

The OP's insults (calling someone a psycho for example) aren't a tenth as offensive as telling her, even politely, that it's her fault her child can't write.

My mother was a primary school teacher. As far as I can remember, apart from during one extended holiday (months out of school) neither she nor any other adult outside of school staff had any involvement in my education, with the exception that parents acted as a disciplinary force to help ensure homework was completed. (My parents certainly never helped me with my homework, and I think the school would have disapproved if they had.) (I did not go to school in the UK.)

An education system that relies on parental support in any way except as a nice-to-have-but-not-really-necessary bolt-on is deeply flawed.

In any way other than discipline, I mean.

Although given the range of people who become parents, maybe schools shouldn't be dependent on parents for help even with that.

I agree Fraidycat.

On another thread (suing Gove for a bad back) I was advised that it's fine for posters (teachers?) to say hugely personal and awful comments about Michael Gove (what he looks like, should be put up against a wall and shot, etc) because they are angry. But apparently it's not ok for the OP to respond to the 'bad parent' accusations that were immediately thrown at her.

The OP's insults (calling someone a psycho for example) aren't a tenth as offensive as telling her, even politely, that it's her fault her child can't write

Sorry but we will also have to disagree. To people that have had/do have MH issues, calling people psychos is as bad if not worse.

On another thread (suing Gove for a bad back) I was advised that it's fine for posters (teachers?) to say hugely personal and awful comments about Michael Gove (what he looks like, should be put up against a wall and shot, etc) because they are angry. But apparently it's not ok for the OP to respond to the 'bad parent' accusations that were immediately thrown at her

Personally I don't think that some of the things that have been said on that thread are right either.

That was a response to your first post BTW!

Finding this thread interesting with respect to the different perceptions of how much a parent should be involved with homework.

I really can't remember my parents being that involved with my school work at either primary or secondary school - though maybe if I had struggled it would have been different.

Eliza - I think some of the anti Gove comments are pretty disgusting too.

How many times is this poster going to say she isn't posting again before she actually fucks off?

People can't criticise her parenting but she can call people psychos?

I'm not gonna be intimidated. And I'm reporting that post Protégé. Another example of what I describe.

Sensing calm down!!!

Yes I thought you meant psychopathic and I found it very hurtful. No idea why you think that's less of an insulting thing to people with MH problems?

It's not.

I think you got some flack on here but you've gone right for the jugular, repeatedly.

You need to calm down.

Also your diagnosing posters as psychopaths with internal rage problems seems hypocritical given how below the belt and hysterical you're posting in your anger.