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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel upset that primary school has failed to teach my son ( age 11) to write properly?

269 replies

SensingSolo · 03/06/2014 10:47

Had a difficult weekend, but I'll spare the sob story, and this feels like another straw on the camel's back ...

I decided to help my son improve his handwriting, for the second time in his primary school career. It was so bad around Y4 that I had to go to the school and ask for some advice as to how I could help him at home Hmm, which I did as best I could.

Recently, I have noticed his handwriting is still poorly formed and have decided to have another go before he starts secondary school.

However, what I have now realised is that a lot of it is to do with the WAY he holds his pencil - like a claw! This is going to be hard to correct after such a long time, and my son was very upset at having to change it. Assuming we can of course, after 6 years of doing the wrong thing? Anyone help here btw?

I feel soooooooo hacked off that the school have not taught him the correct "tripod" way to write (which makes it so much easier and clearer). There seem to be so many things that primary schools do now in a huge curriculum (with a lot of political correctness thrown in). But really all I want my child to do is learn to basically read and write and some simple maths. I can do the rest.

Feeling both angry and upset at having to now do this, when I think its a teacher's job. Now, I feel like I have to teach my child to write all over again. Neither of us are relishing the thought ...

(p.s. we've left that school, so no point in going back and complaining).

What do I do now? Can I help him?

OP posts:
TwinkleTwinkleStarlight · 04/06/2014 09:57

I do agree with others that have said that you need to calm down a little.

People should take responsibility for the posts that they make and that includes yourself.

ElizaDolittle2 · 04/06/2014 10:01

Once again, I will repeat, for people who have got nothing better to do than come on AIBU and attack people as a sport, you shouldn't get away with it, and I'm glad that, to some extent, you haven't

I agree that personal attacks shouldn't be gotten away with. You have also to take responsibility for the words that you have used too. It is a two way street.

I am glad however that you have gained some useful information for your son Smile

Staywithme · 04/06/2014 10:04

OP you posted on aibu, but get furious when people say "yes you are". Then you kick off. I shouldn't have said you should send your child away to boarding school and for that I apologise, however you need to realise that not everyone had the same attitude to the education of their children.

I haven't seen anyone calling you or the posters that agree with you names but, apparently, I belong to a nest of vipers, I'm thick, nasty, psycho, thicko, etc because I don't agree with you. Many of the posters that have had their post deleted have said it is also your responsibility to check your child's abilities and have not been abusive. You on the other hand know feck all about mental health but seem to be constantly getting away with reacting to those that disagree with you by repeatedly name calling.

You've been given lots of advice on this thread and hopefully will now be able to help your child, so I hope to feck they delete this whole thread as it's now just people slating each other.

Monkeyandanimal · 04/06/2014 10:10

I have read the first and last pages of this thread and it seems to be going exactly the same way as so many others recently. Cue MNHQ to step in and delete it because people are attacking and saying the same thing over and over again I reckon! Here's my tuppenceworth; it is up to the school to pick up on these things as well as the parents. YANBU.

KnittedJimmyChoos · 04/06/2014 10:15

It is definitely not a teacher's job to show your child how to write!
Surely before he started school he had pens, pencils, crayons, chalk, paints??????

My child grabbed these before school but I had no idea how to teach her properly how to write, she learned with the school and has beautiful writing now, it was nothing to do with me, similarly teaching her to read I do not understand phonics, we read to her...but that's as far as it went.

Now she can write and read I support her and teach her stuff at home too, but I could not help with getting her going that was the school and its their job.

op

This problem you have had on your thread, is sadly a symptom of daring to complain about schools on MN, I think lots of very touchy ex teachers, or just teachers haunt the site and jump on anyone daring to complain.

It happens loads in education as well.

We keep getting it rammed down our throats that there are 30 children in a class....

I complain to MN about the responses as they are not helpful and some plain vicious....complain as well. Hopeefully one day MNhq will do something about them

ElizaDolittle2 · 04/06/2014 10:21

*This problem you have had on your thread, is sadly a symptom of daring to complain about schools on MN, I think lots of very touchy ex teachers, or just teachers haunt the site and jump on anyone daring to complain.

It happens loads in education as well.

We keep getting it rammed down our throats that there are 30 children in a class....

I complain to MN about the responses as they are not helpful and some plain vicious....complain as well. Hopeefully one day MNhq will do something about them*

I am not a teacher or an ex teacher. I object to crass and hurtful words no matter whether they come from other posters or the OP.

doziedoozie · 04/06/2014 10:21

looking for somewhere to vent their internal rage

This is hitting it on the nail, I know because I do it myself sometimes. I might be furious at someone irl or have been put down for something not my responsibility.

I then come on MS and make jibes at people I never would normally.

However that doesn't excuse persistent spite and venomous posts on one thread which some persist in, a shame as it I such a waste of everyones' time reading this stuff, and puts you off MN.

ElizaDolittle2 · 04/06/2014 10:21

Sorry bold not worked

Staywithme · 04/06/2014 10:22

This problem you have had on your thread, is sadly a symptom of daring to complain about schools on MN, I think lots of very touchy ex teachers, or just teachers haunt the site and jump on anyone daring to complain.

Perhaps many of the posters are simply parents who take the time to sit with their kids and try to help them regarding education. I must remember in future that not everyone who posts on AIBU only wants opinions that agrees with theirs. Hmm

Staywithme · 04/06/2014 10:27

. I must remember in future that not everyone who posts on AIBU only wants opinions that agrees with theirs.

That made no sense. Meant to say

I must remember in future that many of those that post on AIBU only want opinions that agree with their own

Lack of sleep.

KnittedJimmyChoos · 04/06/2014 10:30

op please complain to MNHQ. I have about certain posters particularity in education.

KnittedJimmyChoos · 04/06/2014 10:31
  • I object to crass and hurtful words no matter whether they come from other posters or the OP

And I object to a poster coming on, asking for help and advice and being abused and bullied and then smashed down when she responds, after being baited for ages.

Its bullying.

KnittedJimmyChoos · 04/06/2014 10:32

Perhaps many of the posters are simply parents who take the time to sit with their kids and try to help them regarding education

stupid and rude and unnecessary remark and very emotive to the reader.

ElizaDolittle2 · 04/06/2014 10:36

*I object to crass and hurtful words no matter whether they come from other posters or the OP

And I object to a poster coming on, asking for help and advice and being abused and bullied and then smashed down when she responds, after being baited for ages*

Myself and others have said that we have found certain words really hurtful. I have not goaded, bullied or anything. In fact I actually said that the OP was NBU

However there hasn't been a hint of an apology of any kind.

gorionine · 04/06/2014 10:44

An education system that relies on parental support in any way except as a nice-to-have-but-not-really-necessary bolt-on is deeply flawed.
I totally agree with that Fraidycat as someone who didn't grow up in the UK either and is now working in a UK school.

KeepingUpAnon · 04/06/2014 10:45

Yabu

You've only just noticed that your 11 year old grips a pencil incorrectly?

You need to look closer to home than the school and teachers.

Staywithme · 04/06/2014 10:48

Jimmy, I was actually responding to your generalisation, but forgot we weren't allowed to do that.

Eliza, I respect your right to disagree with anything I post and will certainly not insult you for doing so.

I do, however, think you will be a long time waiting for an apology and will probably be criticised for asking for one. Good luck. I'm leaving this thread and am happy to leave the OP with her YNBU supporters. I'm sure I'll be missed. Grin

gorionine · 04/06/2014 10:48

sorry, I missed the last page.
I agree that some posters have not been really nice to OP but equally think OP's reaction to these post was OTT, especially the 'psycho' post, it pretty much came out of nowhere as an answer to someone who did not share op's opinion that school was responsible.

KnittedJimmyChoos · 04/06/2014 10:55

I have reported this thread to MNHQ as I am fed up with perfectly normal educational queries suddenly being attacked by the "you must be a shit mother crew".

The ethos of this site is supposed to be help and needing help on school matters is a huge part of it.

I am going to keep reporting and hopefully one day, MNHQ will see who the repeat offenders are and their particular style and one day will hopefully do something about it, so people can post re education and actually get normal help without the: your a disgusting mother crew, hijacking and jumping in.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 04/06/2014 11:16

Hear hear

HarveySchlumpfenburger · 04/06/2014 11:23

If the poster had worded her OP differently, she would have got a lot of help. I've seen many threads on handwriting and pencil grips that haven't gone this way. The tone that you write your OP in does often set the tone for the rest of the thread.

Yes the first few replies didn't agree with the OP but I see nothing to justify the OP's response of calling those posters angry arseholes. Her attack of Sashh was unpleasant and completely unnecessary. Her attempt to justify it makes it look worse.

By all means report to HQ but if this OP sticks round I suspect she's going to be one of those repeat offenders that you are talking about.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 04/06/2014 12:22

Rafals has said everything that I'm thinking. If the OP hadn't jumped in worth name calling then the thread would've been very different imo. The couple of blunt posts at the start of the thread would've been ignored. People don't tend to respond well to name calling regardless of whether you've had a bad weekend.

KnittedJimmyChoos · 04/06/2014 12:25

The couple of blunt posts at the start of the thread would've been ignore

no, i imagine she was shocked to read these vicious responses when she thought she would get help. if you bait a bear it will bite back.

some people are nasty on here and i hope with continued reporting esp on education MNHQ will finally deal with the perpetrators, they have a style...and then tend to say even when only 4 out of 10 has agreed with them.."listen to what everyone is telling you"

FrancesNiadova · 04/06/2014 12:25

Get a tri-grip & speed up, a kinaesthetic handwriting programme that improves handwriting, fluency & speed.

Bowlersarm · 04/06/2014 12:33

I don't think the first few posts were vicious. Not supportive, but definitely not vicious either.

And I am a bit surprised that it took the OP until her son is 11 to try and address the issue with his handwriting, whether people think the school are responsible or not. Seems a bit of a mixed bag on that point of view.