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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel upset that primary school has failed to teach my son ( age 11) to write properly?

269 replies

SensingSolo · 03/06/2014 10:47

Had a difficult weekend, but I'll spare the sob story, and this feels like another straw on the camel's back ...

I decided to help my son improve his handwriting, for the second time in his primary school career. It was so bad around Y4 that I had to go to the school and ask for some advice as to how I could help him at home Hmm, which I did as best I could.

Recently, I have noticed his handwriting is still poorly formed and have decided to have another go before he starts secondary school.

However, what I have now realised is that a lot of it is to do with the WAY he holds his pencil - like a claw! This is going to be hard to correct after such a long time, and my son was very upset at having to change it. Assuming we can of course, after 6 years of doing the wrong thing? Anyone help here btw?

I feel soooooooo hacked off that the school have not taught him the correct "tripod" way to write (which makes it so much easier and clearer). There seem to be so many things that primary schools do now in a huge curriculum (with a lot of political correctness thrown in). But really all I want my child to do is learn to basically read and write and some simple maths. I can do the rest.

Feeling both angry and upset at having to now do this, when I think its a teacher's job. Now, I feel like I have to teach my child to write all over again. Neither of us are relishing the thought ...

(p.s. we've left that school, so no point in going back and complaining).

What do I do now? Can I help him?

OP posts:
littlemrssleepy · 03/06/2014 14:40

Oh dear. That went in the wrong thread.....how on earth did that happen?

TwinkleTwinkleStarlight · 03/06/2014 14:49

May queen please do not be discouraged from posting.

Unfortunately this thread as bother the OP and others have said some unpleasant things. Hopefully MNHQ will be along soon and remove the rest of the offensive posts.

AllAboveBroad · 03/06/2014 15:08

I'm lost as to why one of my posts was deleted. It wasn't rude, sweary or goady. It was exceptionally polite!
Great now I look like a right biatch. Thanks MN Hmm

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 03/06/2014 15:15

I must be reading a completely different threadConfused
the first few posts were a bit blunt and then the OP started with 'angry arse holes.' If I posted like that I would expect to get a whole thread telling me to simmer down! And aibu is the last place I'd post if I'd had a shit week.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 03/06/2014 15:17

Little-thanks for the info, I'm looking into flying PE,I didn't know it was so reasonableGrin

Staywithme · 03/06/2014 15:40

The OP calls the previous posters 'angry arse holes' yet when I respond that her response is hilarious and granted, I probably shouldn't have, suggested she send her child to boarding school, I get deleted! Ah well, maybe that was fair. However I don't think all of the posters should have been deleted as I honestly don't see what the problem was with them.

Dare say this will be deleted too, but sure it's alright to call posters arse holes and scum. Must remember that. Hmm

DeepThought · 03/06/2014 15:47

Another vote for the Penagain

bigdeal · 03/06/2014 16:58

the op has tried to get help before now and is trying again , i would of thought it was a teachers job as they get paid to teach kids how to read and write Confused

somewheresomehow · 03/06/2014 17:05

teachers cant do everything 'bigdeal' parents are supposed to guide their offspring as well you know. do you want teachers to teach bum wiping as well as reading and writing

RufusTheReindeer · 03/06/2014 17:13

somewhere

God yes!! Used to hate wiping bums!

bigdeal · 03/06/2014 17:14

i dont expect teachers to do everything just what they are paid for like teaching reading and writing .

Staywithme · 03/06/2014 17:24

There were buns! Shock Why didn't I get any? Confused Sad

halcyondays · 03/06/2014 17:25

I've always held my pencil the "wrong" way. Despite this I won a prize for handwriting at primary school and write a lot neater than plenty of people who use the "right" way. For some people they just don't find the usual grip comfortable. I'm probably dyspraxic.

AlarmOnSnooze · 03/06/2014 17:25

Actually, somewheresomehow, my dd's teachers do teach bum wiping as well as reading and writing!

As I (and other posters) have mentioned, often parents are told to NOT teach reading and writing, as teachers expect us to get it wrong (oh, the irony!). Presumably, therefore, these teachers would expect to be teaching the children reading and writing - all of it. And supervising, and correcting errors - both in grip and in letter formation. And watching out for motor skills issues.

Given the types of homework often used - worksheets which require less writing and more 'doing', collecting objects, reading up on something, making 3d models etc - it isn't surprising that the OP may not have noticed major grip/formation issues, as the majority of writing work is done at school. I know I am amazed by the amount of writing my dd2 produces in school compared with what she is expected to complete at home. Couple that with potentially other issues with completing homework (OP has said she has a lot of other stuff to deal with too) and yes, I can see how noticing letter formation/handwriting slips to the back of the list of Things To Do. But it is the professional's job to ensure they notice. And do something about it. There is precious little time in secondary to be doing anything about it, so why hasn't anything been done about it in primary? At the very least I would expect the teachers to have f
Aged it up to the OP as something which needs work - and yet even that little thing has not happened.

I am not surprised the OP feels let down and angry.

somewheresomehow · 03/06/2014 17:29

parents have to help as well though. surely the 'OP' should have clocked before now that the lad was holding his pen/pencil in a cockeyed clawed way or doesn't she keep an eye on him when he has homework to do. he is 11 so he must have done some writing with/in front of his parents before now

AlarmOnSnooze · 03/06/2014 17:35

Yes, read the OP. the info is there.

Tinpin · 03/06/2014 17:50

As a teacher I would spend a great deal of time with some children helping them with handwriting. Their parents would help at home too.However for some children despite the enormous amount of effort you all put in handwriting remains poor. For others good handwriting is effortless.

RufusTheReindeer · 03/06/2014 18:29

I was in a parents evening the other day and the teacher said

"I don't understand why rufus junior writes like that and smudges all the time...after all he's not left handed"

He is actually left handed Grin

AlarmOnSnooze · 03/06/2014 18:31

Oh good Lord, Rufus.

What did the teacher say when you pointed that out?

Just as well you weren't after handwriting tips, if the teacher can't even work out the basics Wink

PourquoiTuGachesTaVie · 03/06/2014 18:37

I haven't read he whole thread but I'm shocked the Op has only just noticed this problem.

My 3 year old is left handed but luckily so am I. I'm already preparing to show him the little tricks I've learned to enable me to not smudge my work and will talk to his schools if the time comes to ensure he isn't sat with any right handed children on his left side (to avoid elbows knocking) and that he is allowed to adjust the angle of his paper so that he can write comfortably. All struggles I had myself at school and I'm determined not to let ds struggle the same way.

DaVinciNight · 03/06/2014 19:21

somewhere yes but that's assuming that the parent knows that the child is supposed to hold the pencil in a certain way. The parent is also supposed to know that if the school hasn't said anything, it is still a problem...
And in this particular case, the OP is talking abut a small difference not the clawed way you are talking about that will make a huge difference.

So now can you tell me why, as a parent, I would be supposed to know as much as the teacher re how to hold a pen, how to learn to spell etc...??

Because in my experience, this is an issue that is actually spread on a lot of other subjects. Eg Spelling: 'Oh he will carry on learning until he is an adult anyway. He is just bad at learning spelling', 'Oh well if you done already .. I don't see what else to do.' and the best being 'Well you dc has small issue with x and y but nothing too serious.' Followed by 'he is having some one to one sessions with our TA. We just like to support children at that stage in their learning.' (When put on the spot, said teacher finally acknowledge there was some massive issues with dc's reading and writing).
So I can imagine the sort of answers the OP got when she raised the subject and asked for some help/support :(
And in the mean time, I, as the parent but NOT a teacher, am supposed to find a way to teach my child how to spell even though that would clearly be part of the teacher's job to do so......
Just like the OP is finding herself trying to find on the internet how to best support of ds with hand writing when this should have been addressed throughout his primary school years.

Original poster
SensingSolo · 03/06/2014 19:49

DaVinci, I understand where you are coming from completely, sad to say. I did raise it with the school and was fobbed off completely in Y3/4, just as you say. The teacher clearly didn't have a clue when I asked a simple question about how children learn to write. As I said, I did my best at home afterwards, but didn't understand the subtleties (important now I realise nonetheless) of the way a child should be taught to hold a pencil.

I will leave it there now. I hope others have learnt from this and don't have to go through the remedial stuff we will probably have to now Sad. I will just ignore the posters who are nasty. I think they hang around sometimes 11 a.m. or 11 p.m. like psycho vultures looking for someone feeling vulnerable. Thank you to those who sent me supportive private messages and advice too. At least the whole world isn't mad. Adios.

OP posts:
sashh · 03/06/2014 20:19

I'm going over to education to ask this one, for some replies that are not penned by angry arseholes.

Yes I am so much nicer over there.

I think they hang around sometimes 11 a.m. or 11 p.m. like psycho vultures looking for someone feeling vulnerable

Sorry but this is about how your son holds a pen. Had you been talking about serious illness, domestic violence, or 100+ other genuine problems and not had the attitude that the world revolves around you then replies might have been nicer.

If your son has been in school for 6 years you should have at some time seen him write or draw, looked at his homework or seen him hold a pen.

6 years? If this was important to you then why didn't you notice earlier.

SensingSolo · 03/06/2014 20:23

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Bunnytheeggrobat · 03/06/2014 20:28

Pourquoi - she hasn't just noticed it. Had you even read the OP you would have seen that.

IMO being called a crap parent (implied or otherwise) is a far bigger insult than being called an angry arsehole.

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