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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want my 3yo to go to a petting farm without me

392 replies

pianointhedark · 02/06/2014 15:00

DD is 3.2. Her preschool are doing a trip to a petting farm, which I feel reluctant to let her go on.

My main concern is hygiene. With the best will in the world the staff cannot be watching all the children all the time, and obviously it would only take a moment for her hand to go into her mouth before it had been washed. Obviously I could impress upon her not to do that, but she's only 3 and I can't expect her to understand why or remember.

I did ask whether they needed any parent helpers, but the answer was no. I then told a little white lie - that DD can be wary of animals and for that reason I would prefer to be with her, but again the answer was no - apparently they can't allow one parent to go because then all will want to go and they're sure DD will be fine.

AIBU to not want her to go? Sometimes I worry that I am being overly PFB and would appreciate some MN perspective.

OP posts:
Andcake · 02/06/2014 16:13

Has she been to a petting farm before - i have pfb ds (and probably only child- nearly 2 and he has been to loads - hasn't ever stuck hand into his mouth straight after and a lot of the good ones have frequent hand washing places and lots of signs.

He loves petting farms - and also eats dirt occasionally - dirt is part of growing up.

magpiegin · 02/06/2014 16:16

I think that most posters have said there is a risk, but it's about weighing up risks, especially against the upset of her not going (and not understanding why her friends are allowed and not her).

Children would have a miserable existence if they weren't allowed to do anything that was at all risky. I'm guessing they'd never leave the house?

calculatorsatdawn · 02/06/2014 16:16

I grew up on a farm and during the winter when you're out all day with the horses the only warm place is the muck heap so we used to dig a hole for our feet and eat our lunch whilst standing in a pile of steaming poo. Grin

morethanpotatoprints · 02/06/2014 16:16

I'm not saying I would be concerned but if it bothered me that much I wouldn't have let them go and taken them somewhere myself.
The dc don't miss out and you are happy

SuburbanRhonda · 02/06/2014 16:17

I know someone who is a vet and she doesnt take her kids to petting farms full stop.

Just because she's a vet doesn't mean she doesn't have irrational anxieties that are nothing to do with being a vet. She could have OCD for all you know!

SuburbanRhonda · 02/06/2014 16:18

calculators Grin

PrincessBabyCat · 02/06/2014 16:19

I should add my grandparents had a dairy farm with cows. They licked us, chewed our hair, and we jumped on the calve's backs until they bucked us off onto the ground. We got no e-coli from them.

I don't blame the nursery for not letting you come, I wouldn't want to deal with one of "those" parents either. Wink Just relax and let your daughter enjoy her day.

owlborn · 02/06/2014 16:19

I was brought up on a working farm and used to be allowed to help out with feeding the cows and sheep from a very young age. The high point of my year was lambing season when there were always some orphan lambs for us to cuddle and help feed.

In later years, after the farm was gone, my DP kept goats and chickens and horses on a smallholding. This made them the Best Grandparents Ever.

As far as I'm aware, none of us (from their generation, to my generation, to the next) have ever gotten sick from touching the animals. I get that E. coli is a risk, but how much of a risk, really? It's not as if children are being invalided out of petting zoos all the time.

If you don't feel comfortable with your DC going, then of course, keep DC at home. I think it'll be a shame, but it's your choice as a parent, but not one I think you have to make.

MerryMarigold · 02/06/2014 16:24

I hope you're not planning on any more kids, op. The ratio will not be 1:1 anymore especially if you have twins!

peppersquint · 02/06/2014 16:26

OP - if you are at all worried do not let her go. I think you are being very sensible. Ecoli (and other infections) are very real and very easy to get - it just takes a second between petting an animal like a lamb to transferring germs. Unless the child's hands are thoroughly washed in warm soapy water each time then infection can spread. If you do not think that the supervision will allow for this - either that there are too many kids or that the farm will not have proper washing facilities - then don't do it. Through fear of outing myself I get reports on a regular basis of people (mainly young children) picking up infections like ecoli, D&V,shigella, cryptosporidium etc from these places as well as from other places where hand washing is lax or not supervised. Thankfully the vast majority do not die or get seriously ill- but the illness can be awful (and last weeks) it can compromise a child's immune system, be passed onto those who don't even attend events and in worse scenarios lead to kidney failure and allsorts. Cases are more prevelant than you see in the media. Finally - NEVER rely on gel sanitisers as they don't kill the bugs - warm water and thorough supervision is best.

fakenamefornow · 02/06/2014 16:32

Can I ask op, will she be travelling by road to get to the petting farm?

If so, are you worried about this at all? After all that's probably more of a risk to her health.

There is a (tiny) risk involved in this trip, as there are with loads of things we do, but life is to be lived. Can you imagine what a terrible life somebody would have if they took no risks whatsoever, if fact I don't think it would even be possible.

fakenamefornow · 02/06/2014 16:35

I remember when I was a child I wasn't allowed to go to the zoo with my primary school because my parents deemed it too dangerous. I was the only child who didn't go, all the others went, had a great time, and returned safely.

JonesRipley · 02/06/2014 16:37

OP

I can't berate you for feeling worried, because you feel how you feel. But I think the risks are very very small and that you should let her go, and not go yourself. I think your anxiety would rub of on her.

JonesRipley · 02/06/2014 16:37

off

Original poster
pianointhedark · 02/06/2014 16:39

To those asking why I posted if I had already made up my mind - I was looking for reassurance that I wasn't being overly PFB I suppose - I didn't expect so few people to be aware / bothered of the risks of E Coli.

Interesting that the few people on here who actually don't think I'm being OTT work in some kind of relevant profession and have first hand experience.

I don't mind being told that I'm BU or nuts or whatever - I do however think there have been a couple of very unnecessary comments on here as to why the nursery wouldn't have wanted me to go. I only asked if they needed any helpers.

OP posts:
Runesigil · 02/06/2014 16:41

"op let her go get her w little packet of handwipes for het pocket and tell her to wipe her hands after stroking the lamb"
and make sure she doesn't drop the used handwipe anywhere the animals can try to eat it and choke to death...

OP, it's obviously a cause of great anxiety for you, keep her at home, take her yourself another day if you'd prefer to or just don't let her go to a petting farm until she is over 5 or whenever you feel comfortable to let her go.

At age 3 her life and future will not be permanently ruined with having to forgo one outing with nursery, whatever the reason for her not going. She could have a temperature or a rash on the day of the visit and you'd withdraw her anyway.

It's one day, not even a whole day, don't make it any more important than that.

Thurlow · 02/06/2014 16:42

AIBU is not the right board for reassurance. Or at least, it hasn't been for the past few months.

(Though that's not why I disagreed with you, I think on a scale of risks your child experiences, e-coli from petting farms is incredibly low)

ChelsyHandy · 02/06/2014 16:47

I used to get left in the stable with my father's horse when I was that age. Horse used to lick me constantly. Grew up with no allergies.

My SIL's children are like yours will turn out OP. Never touched a real live animal in their lives, invited them up to see my horses and they wouldn't even go near enough to stroke them. I feel so sorry for them. They aren't allowed out if its raining either.

Downamongtherednecks · 02/06/2014 16:48

You are being PFB, but you know that, and it is allowed! We all went through it. Most of us are aware of E.coli risks (not just those people in relevant jobs) but have reached the same conclusion that we have reached for climbing, trampolining, swimming, cycling on the road (still worries me) etc etc, and that's just before they hit teenage years. You will constantly have to assess and balance risk for your child. You have a big heart, op, but you also have a head. Make a thoughtful, not just an emotional, decision.

Sirzy · 02/06/2014 16:48

Have you spoken to the nursery about your concerns? Asked to see the risk assessment?

katheroo · 02/06/2014 16:48

I can understand your fears, but I took my 3 DC to a petting zoo and to my horror my DD5, after stroking a goat, for some reason put her hand in my newborn DD's mouth! I did think about e-coli but luckily nothing awful happened! My DD5 also went through a stage of rubbing her dummy on floors and then sucking them when she was around 18 months but was the healthiest child around ( including dipping dummy into the muddy/shitty puddles around the cows at DH's parents farm..)

LadyIsabellaWrotham · 02/06/2014 16:49

I do think "animals and people can't transfer illnesses" is one of the most wildly inaccurate statements I've ever seen on MN.

HornyHandsofToil · 02/06/2014 16:55

I've been to the farm with the outbreak. Loads of times. So have thousands of other children. We're all ok.

Look at it this way, because of this lawsuit, all petting farms now take greater precautions and check their animals.

She really will be fine.

PleaseJustShootMeNow · 02/06/2014 16:56

I didn't expect so few people to be aware / bothered of the risks of E Coli.

I think most people are aware of the risks and have the capacity to keep it in perspective. How many millions of children visit petting zoos each year? How many catch e-coli as a result?

I think YABU and OTT.

BertieBotts · 02/06/2014 17:01

I am perfectly aware of the risk I just don't think it's worth getting worried about. It's a tiny risk and your child comes into contact with potential e coli every day - via food, and you can't control everyone's food hygeine nor how food was handled/treated before it entered your home. Via soil, which could also carry nasties like toxoplasmosis. Any floor of course can have traces of soil/dog or cat poo as people walk it in. Via contact with infected people - could be anywhere there is a high volume of people especially if they haven't washed hands after using the toilet. Buses, doors, shops, money, hand rails, public toilets, the nursery itself if staff change nappies. Water in streams, ponds and rivers and possibly even fountains if it's not from the drinking water source.