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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want my 3yo to go to a petting farm without me

392 replies

pianointhedark · 02/06/2014 15:00

DD is 3.2. Her preschool are doing a trip to a petting farm, which I feel reluctant to let her go on.

My main concern is hygiene. With the best will in the world the staff cannot be watching all the children all the time, and obviously it would only take a moment for her hand to go into her mouth before it had been washed. Obviously I could impress upon her not to do that, but she's only 3 and I can't expect her to understand why or remember.

I did ask whether they needed any parent helpers, but the answer was no. I then told a little white lie - that DD can be wary of animals and for that reason I would prefer to be with her, but again the answer was no - apparently they can't allow one parent to go because then all will want to go and they're sure DD will be fine.

AIBU to not want her to go? Sometimes I worry that I am being overly PFB and would appreciate some MN perspective.

OP posts:
sunshinecity17 · 02/06/2014 17:04

It's not just e coli. My DN got cryptosporidiosis following her nursery's visit to a petting farm.
She was very very poorly for about 3 weeks with it.

Original poster
pianointhedark · 02/06/2014 17:05

My SIL's children are like yours will turn out OP. Never touched a real live animal in their lives, invited them up to see my horses and they wouldn't even go near enough to stroke them. I feel so sorry for them. They aren't allowed out if its raining either.

There's really no need for anybody to feel sorry for my DD. Just because I don't want her to go to a petting farm without me at 3yo doesn't mean that she never does anything - she has ample enriching experiences.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 02/06/2014 17:07

A common cold can kill people.

You could fall and hit your head leaving the house.

You could go on forever listing risks, it's a miracle any of us get through the day.

You have to be realistic not only about the potential danger but the likeihood of that occurring. You can of course take measures to reduce the risk and likelyhood but you will never eliminate all risk from life

magpiegin · 02/06/2014 17:09

What I don't understand is why are you so hung up on the actual petting zoo when your daughter will be much more at risk on the journey to and from the zoo (and the journey to and from nursery every single day)?

CPtart · 02/06/2014 17:10

The benefits to her of having a day away and new experiences without you, far far outweigh the minute possibilities of her becoming ill because of putting her hand in her mouth. Take a deep breath and let her go. I know parents with a similar attitude. Went on every school trip under the guise of "helping". Their DC are 11 now and still won't do sleepovers.

PrincessBabyCat · 02/06/2014 17:11

I do think "animals and people can't transfer illnesses" is one of the most wildly inaccurate statements I've ever seen on MN.

There are rare things like rabies, and bacteria which resides in poop.

But from farm animals? Let's be realistic. You're not going to catch a cold if a cow with a cold sneezes. If they're sick they won't make you sick. We're too different biologically. That's why when you have the flu, your dog doesn't catch it.

But I digress.

She's more likely to die from suffocating on her pillow at night while she sleeps or a car accident than she is to even catch e-coli.

PrincessBabyCat · 02/06/2014 17:15

Actually OP, I'm shocked you send your daughter to nursery every day. She is so much more likely to catch the flu or any other nasty disease from another child than she ever will from an animal. Grin

You best keep her home from nursery where kids are sharing germs on a daily basis.

Ludoole · 02/06/2014 17:15

As its been pointed out further back in the thread, even if you were there as a helper, you wouldnt just be watching your own child constantly.

Its your choice at the end of the day.

Only1scoop · 02/06/2014 17:16

Yabu

My dd gets involved in lambing etc at friends farm she is 4 now and goes every year. Loves it.

Dd went on nursery trips to pet shops local farms from 9 months old. I used to worry more about the walk/journey for them getting there.

Will be a shame at 3 if she doesn't get to go.

Twobusyboys · 02/06/2014 17:22

People who are saying "why do you ever let her take a journey in a car" etc. Its not really the same. Car journeys are pretty much compulsory in modern life. It is a risk that really has to be taken.
Petting farms arent compulsory.

girliefriend · 02/06/2014 17:23

I think yabu, I understand your concerns and I would have the same anxieties as you have however I would let her go.

My dd would have a wonderful time, she loves animals and farms. It would be a great learning opportunity. This for me outweighs the small risk of catching e.coli.

My dear niece recently caught e.coli from going swimming, unfortunately you can't bubble wrap them.

ashtrayheart · 02/06/2014 17:23

I think you need to weigh up the fun she will have against the unlikely occurrence of contracting an animal related ailment. I would definitely let her go and unclench a bit.

silvercylindersseecynthia · 02/06/2014 17:24

"My grandparents owned a farm that I grew up on. I never got sick from the barn even with all the manure and hay dust everywhere. She'll be fine.
Animals and people can't transfer illness. What makes them sick won't make us sick."

This shows a worrying (and breathtaking) ignorance of what the new E. coli is. It just wasn't around as recently as 30 years ago, so no amount of anecdotes of growing up on a farm and being fine are any help now. Animals can carry it invisibly but it can make people very very sick.

I happened to read a lot about this a few years ago and it dawned on me in the end that kids that young are pretty much the worst possible customers of petting farms that have the kinds of animals that carry E. coli O157. In a way it's a bit baffling that they're actually one of the main groups that go there. I mean I know they love it, obviously, but they are the most vulnerable group who go there.

Firstly at that age you can't trust them not to put their hands in their mouths or wash their hands properly, or take care with what might be on their shoes afterwards, and secondly E. coli O157 is much more dangerous - properly life-threatening - for younger children than it is for older children and adults.

I think if it wasn't for the fact that it's a habitual thing to do, if this was being proposed as a new thing, it just wouldn't be a thing nurseries did, or it would be managed in a way that didn't depend on just handwashing stations and the normal adult to child ratios, or there'd never be any of the sorts of animals that carry E. coli. But everyone does it because the animals are cute and that's just what schools and nurseries have done forever.

As you're finding though OP it's very hard to go against the grain with this without being labelled overanxious. I'm happy to admit I used to be a bit PFBish and overanxious with my first child, but two kids on I'm now a lot better. The E. coli thing is different though - I can't 'un-know' what I learned about it and it has changed my opinion of these sorts of group trips for very young children - I just think they're objectively not a great idea. I'd opt my child out if they were that young (with an excuse if it's easier), and find an alternative way for them to still get to meet and touch animals.

squoosh · 02/06/2014 17:24

'Car journeys are pretty much compulsory in modern life. It is a risk that really has to be taken. Petting farms arent compulsory.'

So everything with a small associated risk should be avoided? Wow, that will make for quite the boring childhood.

Sirzy · 02/06/2014 17:25

The point is though two busybodies that people need to risk assess and if the op is worried to this extent about a trip to a farm it seems she is unable to so that really.

People are simply pointing out there are very many activities people do with little thought which are risky, and much more risky than a trip to the farm

youmakemydreams · 02/06/2014 17:26

Ok I also have relevant career experience and from Aberdeen uni too if it makes you feel better and yes it does make you more risk aware because you do see the bad things in far more detail and I think you are being totally pfb and very unreasonable.

Like other have said even if you are there unless you never take your eyes off your dd you cannot be sire she hasn't touched a fence or anything else. And as others have pointed out many of us screw up the 1:1 ratio everyday because we have several of out own children.
I actually feel like I am wasting .my time typing this because you are so convinced you are right. Are you this anxious about other things? Do you drive your dd around? Statistically you are more likely to be in a car accident with her than co reacting e.coli at a petting far.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 02/06/2014 17:29

OP do you have anxiety in general? It seems quite extreme to not want your dd going on this trip.

Schools would need to risk assess any trip, and no doubt they have addressed the hygiene issues - a ratio of 1:3 with hand sanitiser on regularly and soapy hand washes on leaving each barn will be sufficient.

I must admit ive taken one dd to a petting farm and only done washes on leaving each barn - I genuinely wouldnt notice if she was putting her hands in her mouth unless she was right infront of me.

Twobusyboys · 02/06/2014 17:31

I am not saying anything with risk should be avoided. Just pointing out that comparibg it with a car journey isnt really a valid way to look at it. A lot of things most parents would consider compulsory. Learning to swim. Learning to ride bike. Going to school. Etc family days out in general. But petting farns is somethibgs that can be opted out of without a huge impact on their childhood. If parenst decide to. They can still have a dog or rabbit at home. Go to the zoo etc to see animals.

BertieBotts · 02/06/2014 17:33

Er, Princess, you can't catch animal diseases from animals, no, but you can catch E Coli and Toxoplasmosis (big risk from sheep to pregnant women IIRC) and some other things which are perfectly harmless to animals but live on them just the same.

But, silver I didn't know it was a new strain. That's more useful information actually because I didn't realise.

SuburbanRhonda · 02/06/2014 17:36

OP, the comments about why the school might not want you as a parent helper are based on the fact that you said you would only be happy for your DD to go on the trip if she had 1:1 adult supervision.

As many PP have said, and lots of us work in schools, a school would not want any parent volunteer who is only prepared to supervise her own child, for what I'm hoping are obvious reasons.

squoosh · 02/06/2014 17:36

But it's irrational to think 'car journeys are far more high risk yet I've decided they're essential so I won't worry about them' and then ban things like visits to petting farms.

Sirzy · 02/06/2014 17:37

When I was at school parent helpers were always given a group which their child wasn't in for just that reason. Because as helpers they were there to help all the children not just their own.

Sleepyhoglet · 02/06/2014 17:38

Children touching animals will be part of their risk assessment. They will be checking that children don't put fingers in mouths and wash before lunch

Abra1d · 02/06/2014 17:40

Let her go and stop worrying.

SueDNim · 02/06/2014 17:41

I'm going against the majority here. YANBU and I don't think I would let DD go to a petting farm/zoo with nursery. She is a thumb sucker and we watch her really carefully at farms etc. E Coli might be rare, but the consequences are life threatening. I'm not generally pfb, but this is one thing that I would be wary of.