to not want my 3yo to go to a petting farm without me

[pianointhedark]

DD is 3.2. Her preschool are doing a trip to a petting farm, which I feel reluctant to let her go on.

My main concern is hygiene. With the best will in the world the staff cannot be watching all the children all the time, and obviously it would only take a moment for her hand to go into her mouth before it had been washed. Obviously I could impress upon her not to do that, but she's only 3 and I can't expect her to understand why or remember.

I did ask whether they needed any parent helpers, but the answer was no. I then told a little white lie - that DD can be wary of animals and for that reason I would prefer to be with her, but again the answer was no - apparently they can't allow one parent to go because then all will want to go and they're sure DD will be fine.

AIBU to not want her to go? Sometimes I worry that I am being overly PFB and would appreciate some MN perspective.

No I'm not planning on having anymore children, and she has plenty of fun.

What steps have you taken to eliminate the small but very real risk of e-coli from your food? I assume that you've cut out all salads, raw vegetables, meat etc.

OP, I'm interested to hear your view on a point made throughout this thread - that your Dd does much riskier things on a daily basis (i.e. travel by car).

I'm not trying to stir, just interested in your reasoning.

I've also asked this before - why do you think her hands will go into her mouth? Is she a thumb-sucker? Because that's not something that would have occurred to me with DD - she doesn't go around randomly putting her hands in her mouth.

Glad she has lots of fun. Looking forward to you letting her loose on climbing frames and trampolines. Oh wait, she might fall off and break her leg.

That's not what I asked. How do uou think parents with more than one child manage because they can't guarantee 1-1. You don't need 1-1 supervision to keep a child safe.

Don't think yabu op. Not sure i'd let DS (similar age) go either. Wouldn't have an issue if he was older. I am a hcp and kids that age can get very ill at an alarming rate. I'm all for minimizing risks too. I don't feel sorry for your dd either! I've no doubt she gets mucky and lots of enriching experiences!

Laurie - yes we travel on the roads, because we have to in order to get to preschool / work / the shops. Therefore I see it as an acceptable risk. Going to a petting farm however is not necessary and I also don't feel comfortable that I wouldn't be there to manage the risk myself.

MrsCakes - same logic as above. We have to eat and therefore again I see it as an acceptable risk.

I really don't think these kind of things can compared. Of course life is full of risks but some are more necessary than others.

But you don't need to eat raw vegetables, it's really easy to cook them all thoroughly which would eliminate that risk.

That's not what I asked. How do uou think parents with more than one child manage because they can't guarantee 1-1. You don't need 1-1 supervision to keep a child safe.

They manage. But to keep a child the most safe, yes you need 1:1 supervision. The more children you have the less attention you can give them each.

I'm not knocking families with more than one child by the way - I am quite aware that's far more normal than stopping at one. One of the reasons we're not planning anymore is because we find looking after one child challenging enough!

'I really don't think these kind of things can compared. Of course life is full of risks but some are more necessary than others.'

You're right, they can't be compared because the car travel is far riskier. But that doesn't bother you as you've chosen instead to irrationally fixate on petting farms.

Bizarre

I work with small children we managed to run a small creche the other week with no accidents falls bumps or scrapes no 3 year old needs 1 to 1 unless they have specific needs

Really you don't need 1-1 to keep a child safe.

Sirzy I know that - if I was expecting 1:1 supervision for DD then she wouldn't go to preschool at all, as obviously that is not their ratio. I am comfortable that in the normal preschool setting they can keep the children safe.

She's had minor accidents at preschool. Would they have happened in my sole care - I can't possibly know. She's had accidents with me too, so even 1:1 doesn't guarantee anything. But there are certain things (ie contact with animals on petting farms) when at this age, yes I would prefer 1:1 supervision as believe that would eliminate the risk.

I've never been in a car crash, nor have my children. One of my children has nearly died from HUS. Can you see what the relative risk looks like to me?

Op, youre dd will be at far more risk on the journey TO the petting station. Really, I wouldnt worry. These places are very strictly run these days and incidents are freaky one offs.

OTOH thousands of people are killed on our roads each year.

I think you are being OTT. I used to be abit germ phobic and hand washing obsessed with my DC but then saw my daughter reach for a bit of bird poo and taste it in the garden before I could stop her. She was absolutely fine afterwards (although I'm not recommending eating bird poo).

Nurseries are usually very strict about hand washing before eating and after any messy activities. I know my DD's one is.

Touching and animal and then licking her hand won't kill her. There are germs everywhere and it's probably more harmful to try to avoid them all.

YANBU op.

I agree with ladyisabella and others, many of the replies here are woefully ignorant and clearly uninformed as to the very serious risk involved. Yes it may be small but it can cause some horrific consequences and sadly in a my own family a very tragic and sudden bereavement in a previously very healthy young person.

Precious? Pfft they are clueless.

My DS2 managed to get campylobacter from a trip to a farm park, despite me carefully washing his hands after touching the animals etc. He had a nasty case of diarrhoea with blood in it etc. Not good but no long term effects. these things can happen whether you are there or not. if your child is ill or immuno-compromised that might be different.

I refused to let dd2 go on a similar trip aged 3. She was a thumb sucker and the nursery couldn't convince me that they could ensure her safety. At 3 she was too small to be sure that she wouldn't put her thumb in her mouth before it was washed.

It was a difficult decision as she would have loved the trip. For non thumb/finger suckers I think it is manageable but for my dd even with 1:1 support it would be tricky.

"I totally understand your fears OP. I've worked with a lot of children needing dialysis/transplants after catching ecoli at petting farms"

Can you quantify lots ParentingFailure?

Oh wow, OP - it's just a petting zoo.

if you're really that worried that she might touch an animal, then put her hand in her mouth and then contract e-coli, then don't let her go.

She has probably put worse into her mouth already and isn't dead. But then if you are overly-hygenic about her then her resistance will be low, so is more likely to get ill - wherever she is.

No-one here is going to change your mind.

So... move along. don't send her to the farm.

My DC went to two different pre schools both of which allowed parents to attend the farm trips. Those parents who couldn't went with staff members but most parents went. Younger siblings couldn't though.

If you don't feel happy (I wouldn't have either) then decline the trip. Once mine got to reception I was fine about it but at 3 mine had no sense of danger at all and I would have worried all day so would have made excuses. Just said DD not ready yet or gets travel sick.

Just to say it wasn't precious child syndrome as was the same with all 5 of mine but especially the 3 boisterous ones with delayed sense of danger! Go with your gut feeling OP. Better to be safe. And yes I was fine with risks when mine got older cub camps etc all fine but pre school I was more careful until they were more sensible. May not be so worrying for quiet sensible children! But for bolters very worrying.

People who can't read however...

I did chuckle at the comment that if I asked to see a risk assessment they might think I'm not very bright. I'm not going to ask to see it, but it strikes me that asking to see a risk assessment is not the action of a stupid parent.

As desertgirl said, OP, this is not what I posted. This is what I posted:

"If the nursery staff showed the OP the risk assessment and she then asked how they plan to keep the children safe, they would probably either be very put out at the OPs apparent lack of trust in their professionalism, or they might just think she think she wasn't very bright."

There are many other things you will not be happy about as your child grow and goes to school. You have done your research about e-coli but there are many other childhood illnesses and afflictions a school is rife with.
The curriculum may also be a stumbling block, if you think she should be being taught things she is not.
I am not trying to be facetious but you do need to weigh up whether you feel a school setting is right for you and her. If you feel you cannot trust those in loco parentis and that feeling outweighs any benefits you feel she may be getting, then you need to look at other options such as home schooling or a tutor.