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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want my 3yo to go to a petting farm without me

392 replies

pianointhedark · 02/06/2014 15:00

DD is 3.2. Her preschool are doing a trip to a petting farm, which I feel reluctant to let her go on.

My main concern is hygiene. With the best will in the world the staff cannot be watching all the children all the time, and obviously it would only take a moment for her hand to go into her mouth before it had been washed. Obviously I could impress upon her not to do that, but she's only 3 and I can't expect her to understand why or remember.

I did ask whether they needed any parent helpers, but the answer was no. I then told a little white lie - that DD can be wary of animals and for that reason I would prefer to be with her, but again the answer was no - apparently they can't allow one parent to go because then all will want to go and they're sure DD will be fine.

AIBU to not want her to go? Sometimes I worry that I am being overly PFB and would appreciate some MN perspective.

OP posts:
desertgirl · 03/06/2014 09:35

Nobody said asking to see the risk assessment was not bright. They said asking to see the risk assessment and asking what steps the nursery was taking to keep the kids safe might sound not bright, given that the two are (or should be) the same thing.

OddFodd · 03/06/2014 09:40

I think you should change nursery if you don't trust them to take adequate care of her. And I don't believe you really worry you're being overly PFB - you were looking to have your position confirmed.

The last line of your OP should have read 'I would like people to tell me of e. coli stories to justify my decision'.

4littleones · 03/06/2014 09:42

I think you are being very precious. will be a real shame if she has to miss out.

Coughle · 03/06/2014 09:49

Sorry if this has been suggested, but can she not wear a giant cone around her neck, as dogs and cats do to stop them scratching their ears?

Or a spiked collar?

Actually it might be most efficient to tie her hands behind her back.

FrenchJunebug · 03/06/2014 10:03

are you suggesting we are not bright because we will happily send our 3-year old to the petting farm?!

YABU if she is like my son she probably puts her hand in puddles and then in her mouth!

Nanny0gg · 03/06/2014 10:03

How unnecessarily nasty some of these posts are.

The OP is concerned. Don't tell me you others don't have different concerns that some people might find irrational.

I don't see the great need for the nursery to do that trip; I would have thought the risk assessment for children of that age would be a nightmare. I'd be interested to see it.

We took Year 2s - brilliant age to really appreciate the animals, didn't get too excited, could enjoy the demonstrations and were highly unlikely to put hands in mouths. Also, easy to make sure they washed their hands thoroughly.

It will not be the end of the world if she doesn't go. Either her mother can take her and watch carefully, she can go somewhere else with her parents or she can go when she's older. Many children have survived without a petting zoo visit.

I had irrational fears when my DC were young. Luckily the situations never occurred, but they were real worries to me at the time. Perfectly normal.

Original poster
pianointhedark · 03/06/2014 10:10

I do trust the preschool to take care of her. If I didn't, she wouldn't go at all. This is not a nursery I am paying for childcare, it's a preschool which she attends for no reason other than we feel it's beneficial to her. If I wanted to wrap her up in cotton wool she'd be at home.

I don't see any point in looking at their risk assessment, because I'm sure it would be thorough and would adhere to guidelines etc. However as I said in my OP, with the best will in the world they won't be watching her every second - I wouldn't expect their ratio to be 1:1.

I'm not going to withdraw her from trips once she starts school but she has only just turned 3 and as somebody pointed out, trips to petting farms are not compulsory.

OddFodd I have already said that I was looking to have my position confirmed. I did think more people would share my view - I wasn't expecting so many to be all "I let my kids lick pavements and they're fine"

OP posts:
Original poster
pianointhedark · 03/06/2014 10:14

are you suggesting we are not bright because we will happily send our 3-year old to the petting farm?!

Yawn. I posted a caveat saying that I was not suggesting that at all because I knew that would get jumped upon.

People who can't read however...

OP posts:
BranchingOut · 03/06/2014 10:14

Some rather flippant posts on the thread...

I live near the farm in Surrey where the 2009 cases happened and know that one child suffered kidney failure and others were seriously ill.

However, the farm is still running, very popular and has all sorts of measures in place to guard against these risks: handwashing and double fences everywhere, so children cannot touch fences which might be contaminated.

Also, the only real opportunity for petting is of rabbits. You can feed goats, but through a long tube.

Have a look at the farm info, as it might be similar.

Mrsjayy · 03/06/2014 10:16

You should just keep her home on tripday accept you are being irrational and just leave it at that even if you do let her go you are going to be fretting, you have readthe thread nobody will change your mind and the few posts with links and ecoli will just confirm your fear,

OddFodd · 03/06/2014 10:25

I have a real issue with irrational parenting fears NannyOgg - I think we should try and apply logic to our parenting decisions at all times otherwise we risk wrapping our children up in cotton wool (am talking more generally, not about the OP).

Of course there's no need to little children to go to a petting zoo but it sounds like it would be a lovely day out. And most year 2s I know would be bored to tears at one - I can't imagine my DS or his friends would be very impressed if that was their school trip!

OddFodd · 03/06/2014 10:25

need to take

Mrsjayy · 03/06/2014 10:32

oddfodd I agree with you completely we are all irrational sometines its natural but we have to put things into prespective, my dds have been on abroad trips I have always had what ifs but we cant stop children because of what if....

Original poster
pianointhedark · 03/06/2014 10:38

But I don't think that the risk of contracting e coli from a petting farm is an irrational fear. It's a small yet real risk.

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 03/06/2014 10:41

Have you ever taken your child to a farm?

Original poster
pianointhedark · 03/06/2014 10:45

No, she's never been to an actual petting farm. She has been to zoos a few times and has seen lots of different animals up close.

OP posts:
OddFodd · 03/06/2014 10:46

To do a risk assessment piano you assess danger (on a scale of very small to very high ie death) against likelihood (from very small to very high). So that isn't a decent risk assessment.

Travelling by car would score much higher, as would crossing a road. But you do that stuff because it would make your life incredibly difficult if you didn't.

Mrsjayy · 03/06/2014 10:46

So is q bus crash honestly love every day our children are not with us is a smal but real risk, being irrational about this is your fear you dont want her going because you will fret she wil not have her hands washed , this is an irrational fear you now need to deal with it you dont have to let her her go

RiverTam · 03/06/2014 10:52

but many many things have a small but real risk. Bright people can weigh these up and judge accordingly.

You said upthread your DD has lots of 'enriching experiences'. Lovely, but does she have much fun? Because a lot of fun for a 3 year old comes with risks attached, and if you refuse to partake in anything that has a 'small but real risk' you're going to be shutting a lot of doors for her.

Also, with all your talk of 1:1 - I assume you're not intending to have another child because then you'll rarely be 1:1 - what would you do then?

madbutnormal · 03/06/2014 10:54

Have heard it all now
Vpfb

Original poster
pianointhedark · 03/06/2014 10:55

Mrsjayy, I'm not fretting that she wouldn't have her hands washed - I am sure that they would be and in accordance with regulations. I am fretting that before there was the opportunity for her hands to be washed, they could go in her mouth without anybody noticing. I really do not think that is an irrational fear, it's something that could very easily happen.

An irrational fear would be me saying I don't want my child to go to a petting farm because I think she's going to be mauled to death by a goat. I have never heard of that happen, e coli cases however do

OP posts:
Sirzy · 03/06/2014 10:55

Again how on earth do parents with more than one child cope when they are out?

Sarrasin · 03/06/2014 10:59

Don't worry, send her to the petting farm, what's the worst that can happen? The risk of e-coli is miniscule after all.

But definitely quarantine her if she has chicken pox.

Only1scoop · 03/06/2014 10:59

I think Op many of the posters like myself live in the countryside or even farm themselves which is why it's part of our everyday lives being with animals....and seems a little ott not to let her go.

However I used to feel like this when dd was younger....I didn't send her to nursery until she had finished having a bottle in the day.... as I was so fastidious about hygiene etc and didn't want them preparing ....storing etc.

Being outdoors most of the time I see things differently in that environment....especially now she is older.

Although I'm a ridiculous clean freak who couldn't bare animals in the house Confused

I do understand your concerns but I think she would have great fun. I think it world be fine to air your concerns to a teacher beforehand.... They can reassure you that no children will be eating with 'gate hand' etc....

Mrsjayy · 03/06/2014 11:00

There is no convincing you really , 3 year olds could put there hand on a wall outside and put there hands I their mouths and eat bird poo the risk of e coli is tiny just dont let her go,

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