to really not understand why some working mothers

[Duckierub]

still pick up the lions share of the house work and childcare.

I have friends who work same/similar hours to their partners but seem to still pick up the lions share of the house work and childcare.

I wonder what message this sends out to the next generation?

AIBU to think that when the working day is over, whether you are a SAHM or work out the house and whatever the gender, the household duties should then be shared.

Mswibble

You weren't an utter bitch, you were reasonably assertive - you made your point, he conceded that it had never even occurred to him to do it any other way and everyone's a winner!

I do think the biggest problem is what bothers some people has genuinely never been on the radar for others - communicate with your partner and work as a team, nobody is a mind reader.

(Exceptions are obviously genuinely selfish people who simply can't be arsed to help, or think household jobs are beneath them).

Bright side re using dirty glasses for last 9 years - it may have strengthened your immune system?

It's been said on MN before and I think it's a really good way to look at it - that what really matters in division of labour is that both halves of the partnership get equal free time.

DH and I both work full time out of the home. Mu commute is one hour a day more than his. He works overseas sporadically and on average once every 3 weeks.

For years I did all the Laundry, loading and unloading of dishwasher and cleaning kitchen work surfaces. We have a weekly cleaner. Then I just stopped washing his clothes and putting his plates in the dishwasher. He moans as he thinks I should do it. He is really angry by it as he really thinks it should be down to me. It doesn't make for a happy relationship. The plates out for days on the work surface bothered me at first but now i just pile them in a corner. We have a big kitchen.

That's terrible Lasvegas. He will do it eventually. I did this with DPs laundry, he never expects me to do it now. The bins I also just left to pile up until he finally took responsibility and did what he committed to. Sometimes it takes years though...

lasvegas. Is he able to articulate why he thinks you should do it?

^I think you need to rephrase:

To really not understand why some working fathers still opt out of their fair share of house work and childcare.^

This.

Has anyone ever resorted to drawing up a rota? I have threatened it before but always resisted as it just seems so childish!
His reply if I ever get huffy about stuff not getting done is that I need to just ask and he'll do it. And to be fair he will. But nobody asks me to clean the bathroom, change the bed, wash towels (I think OH thinks towels are self cleaning ...) I just do it as I know/can see they need doing.

My ex wanted to draw up a rota so I knew what he wanted done when. Apparently I always did it wrong.

lasvegas I agree with the others, how does he justify his thinking that you should do it all?

aspiringhuman id hope I wouldnt turn into a rota tyrant! Doubt I would ever do it anyway, it does seem ridiculous to have to need to. We're two adults living in a two up, two down terrace so thankfully cleaning is never a mammoth task anyway. I would never want our house to be like one in Obsessive Cleaners or whatever its called!

Well tonight I have put all the half-washed dishes back in the sink for him tomorrow. When the OP talks about women shooing men out of the kitchen, sadly it is sometimes because they are fed up having extra jobs like redoing the dishes (even my check-and-dump took time).

Fingers crossed Iggi!

I have done the "returning of unclean dishes to the washing up" thing for DH - but he has to be told why it's still unclean because he thinks he's done it well enough. In most cases it's cookware - but sometimes it's the outside of bowls, underside of plates and so on. This is because he only washes the surface that is "used", failing completely to understand that, in the stacking process, the dirty underside will mess up the clean "for use" side!
But he's obviously learnt that from his mum because that's how she washes up too!!