to really not understand why some working mothers

[Duckierub]

still pick up the lions share of the house work and childcare.

I have friends who work same/similar hours to their partners but seem to still pick up the lions share of the house work and childcare.

I wonder what message this sends out to the next generation?

AIBU to think that when the working day is over, whether you are a SAHM or work out the house and whatever the gender, the household duties should then be shared.

I am a sahm .so my hubby does,nt do much to be honest in way of housework .always good with children .but works 12 hr shifts .but I think I would expect a bit of help if both of us worked . I was in hospital and my 17 year old son told me it took them nearly 20 minutes to iron a school shirt .that is with them both trying .god my pile would up to heaven if they were doing it .

Because I am married to a lazy cocklodger

Although he is getting better due to the imminent threat of me leaving him if he doesn't

Sorry I do think women are partly to blame particularly those that like to stereotype and run down men as a whole(don't you dare do that to my sons) and who have far too high standards as regards housework which they expect others to have to.

Thumbwitch he is laughing now, saying he has more time and patience for the kids than he has for "that bloody banger". Said he'd scrap it and buy them all icecream if he got enough money for it to celebrate.

My husband does all the cooking, ironing and hoovering - I clean the bathrooms and kitchen; we both do any other chores that need doing.

We have 2 boys, 9 & 12, the 12 yr old puts a load of washing on after school, separating it out and using the right powder etc he also hangs it all up when the wash is finished. The boys do their own rooms, packed lunches and sort out/put away pants & socks - I was brought breakfast in bed by my youngest this morning for no reason other than he 'thought I might like it'.

Everything in this house is done by all of us, I am confident that my boys will be more than capable of looking after themselves when they leave home. This was not 'chance' or 'luck' though, it was down to me refusing to be the 'housewife' from the very beginning of our relationship - I never pandered to my husband's male sensibilities and he always had to take responsibility for himself and the house without me mollycoddling him. I have never subscribed to the 'bless him, at least he tried' attitude.

We are equal partners and a team, and I wouldn't accept anything less.

What annoys me is the phrase 'working mothers'.
So many times we hear about women 'juggling family and work'. No one ever says that of a man. No one ever talks about a working father or a man juggling family and home. I get angry at woman's hour about this.

We need to change everyone's attitude, including our own.

It is really great to know that there are partnerships where it is 50/50, and I just married a twunt (though obviously marrying a twunt was not great). That makes me feel more positive for my dc .

"It's unhelpful to place the entire burden of fixing this onto the shoulders of the most oppressed group."

In no way do I believe that the entire burden should be placed on women. I was merely saying SOME women should enable their partners to do stuff and not accept them not doing it.

There will always be some men who are great at it, there will always be some women who aren't. They will always be twunts from both sides who no matter how many times they are asked to help they will not.

However, there are SOME women who should ensure they do less and enable their partners to do more. These people do nothing to help future generations as they are surrounded by unfairness in the home.

again retropear I agree wholeheartedly

"Sorry I do think women are partly to blame particularly those that like to stereotype and run down men as a whole(don't you dare do that to my sons) and who have far too high standards as regards housework which they expect others to have to."

vis a vis Task of remembering everything falling to women... Start forgetting everything apart from things that are really really important to you, ie your job and the dcs school stuff. They start remembering, it takes a bit of time though. And will power not to care about sauces and all the rest. Not aggressively forgetting mind, just a kind of quiet uselessness.

I work full time, we have a small baby and I am expecting again.

I do all the cooking, nursery runs, cleaning and housework.

Well I did up until two weeks ago when I had a meltdown when dh spent two weekend days on visiting parents and hobbies.

I think his mother ruined him and even now, she comments on the fact his brothers cooks for th family and because his wife works from home and they use a cm!!

Anyway, since then dh has mucked in,even this morning he has taken the baby off for a few hours so I got a lie in and a bath. He's hung out washing and generally copped on.

In no way do I believe that the entire burden should be placed on women. I was merely saying SOME women should enable their partners to do stuff and not accept them not doing it.

This entire thread is dedicated to bashing those particular 'some women' don't you see that that's a bit odd? When actually the problem is far more widespread than that, and the group of women you are talking about are not in fact acting independently but are a result of much wider social conditioning.

Why are you focussing in on blaming those women, and not prepared to look closely at what which men made them that way?

If they work the same hours then it should be shared. It doesn't have to mean you do the washing and I'll dust. It can mean one does the cleaning whilst the other does the garden or cars. Both sexes can like things done a set way so may have jobs they like to do themselves. Childcare isn't really childcare when it's your own children, both will be parenting.

If one works less, then it's fair they pick up more of the house side as the other is likely picking up more of the financial side. If one is a SAHP then the bulk of jobs should fall to them as they are not working. It would be pretty rubbish to have one person home all day and to have to come home and start again as nothing has been done (obviously sickness excluded).

"Why are you focussing in on blaming those women, and not prepared to look closely at what which men made them that way?"

Because I don't believe it is men that made them that way. Possibly their parents and parents before but as I have already said, there are so many threads bashing men for being feckless around the house and this one is about SOME women need to enable them.

And if men made them that way hopefully threads such as this should help them to take responsibility for allowing it to happen.

The most common scenario I see, is women trying every way they can think of, to make their DP's do an equal share of housework and childcare, and him still refusing. That is the real issue here.

Oh I give up. This is a horrible thread.

I agree with Lottie. This thread is about bashing woman whose DP's won't do their fair share.

Many psoters on here have said all the things they do to try and get their DP to do their fair share, and they refuse to. It is not thsoe women who are to blame.

i don't have any choice, i'm on my own in the week and then at weekends we share the chores.

if i didn't do the lions share i would live in a shit tip and that wont happen im afraid in my home

"The most common scenario I see, is women trying every way they can think of, to make their DP's do an equal share of housework and childcare, and him still refusing. That is the real issue here."

I agree this is very common and extremely frustrating for the woman involved, however, this particular problem is discussed all the time with no solution which is why I have chosen to ask a different question.

Women who allow or enable men to do nothing by either not protesting or feeling their self worth relies upon taking over the house and in some cases belittling any attempt at helping do not help the cause for equality within the home. Of course it is their right to do so but their children will learn and copy this behaviour so the cycle goes on.

If women want to do most of the housework and childcare, I would leave them to get on with it. I am concerned about those who don't. Because the only "solution" for so many women, does seem to be to divorce. A step many are understandably reluctant to take.

God threads like these are depressing.

In our house we both get on with what needs doing, I don't need to tell dp what to do or how to do it and our boys (and girl) are being brought up to help out. Everyone is expected to pitch in.

I don't like the woman bashing tone either. Most people want to be in an equal partnership with the with the overall burden split reasonably fairly. You really have to question the type of person who would happily sit back and watch their partner run themselves ragged - who made them Monarch of all they survey!

For some older women being a housewife and mother was the only status and role they had so I can understand why they were protective of it. That is less and less the case these days - many families can't afford to have one parent out paid employment for years.

Disagree with Mummy as regards small children.When mine were tiny sorry there was sweet fa time to do housework after running round after 3 toddlers,feeding them,shopping for them,changing and washing clothes etc,etc.

The house was a pit and we were both exhausted so most weekends we split the jobs evenly.After work one would cook whilst the other bathed.

Now the dc are at school obviously I have heaps more time to do house stuff so do the bulk.

When I go back to work part time I'll expect the morning rush to be split evenly and after picking up from school,club delivering and homework I suspect they'll be limited time for housework then so I suspect we'll go back to the 50/50 split.

It's working as a team,valuing each other,give and take and changing as and when it suits the family unit as a whole.

My husbands father has a very traditional marriage/he is lazy and this was all my husband knew. He was effectively conditioned to think that the house was a woman's domain.

It is IMO to his absolute credit that DH has gone against everything he felt was 'natural' to form an equal partnership in our family. We have been together for fifteen years and it has taken a long time for him to feel truly comfortable but we now share household tasks nearly equally (he works full time and I work 30hrs so I do marginally more housework - we both feel this is fair). We have four DC and although I do the lions share of child related task this is because I work between school hours and do a proportion of my working hours from home in the evenings, I do pick-ups, appointments, school liaison, tea times., play dates etc (I also benefit from vastly more time with the children with I am grateful for every day).

Some people look at us and see that I appear to do all the household and child related chores. This is desperately unfair to DH and when I leapt to his defence I get a sympathetic (patronising) face as if I'm minimising his taking advantage of me, when actually his stuff is 'behind the scenes' rather than my tasks which are publically performed.