I feel that I shouldn't contribute to stepdaughters university fees (£13k)

[Mummy1106]

Husband and I have been married for 8 years. We have one daughter (7years old) and 3 children from his previous marriage. Only our daughter lives with us whilst youngest of his children (18years) stays with us now & then).
6 years ago my husband encouraged me to leave the company where I worked and start a company of my own.
In the beginning things were going slow and I was working on building my business.
He was made redundant and joined my company. We took it from sole trader to limited. As he works in the bank project management his contributions to the overall business income were 4 times more than mine.
We pay each other small salary and take the rest out in dividends.

We are both savers by nature and over time I built decent amount which I am planning to set against the mortgage (once the interest rates start rising).

My husband asked me to contribute towards his daughters university fees. (She hasn't been offered place)
He feels that the money we drew out of the company is proportionally his and that he is entitled to it. I feel that the money I saved is mine and I should spent it whichever way I feel.
I can not help but feel that I am being used as a tax break. He is laying on the guilt and saying that he encouraged me to leave the company and start the new one. He helped me get to where I am, without him and his financial backing I wouldn't be where I am now.

We have had a massive argument over it and now he wants to liquidate the company.
May I also add that step daughter has a mum which is poor as a church mouse (she spends more than she earns).
Our daughter is in the private school and I don't have any pension.
Am I being unreasonable for refusing to contribute towards his daughters fees?
We both feel disappointed and I love him but my priorities are with our daughter not my stepchildren.

Am I being unreasonable?

It makes no sense for the op to pay down a debt on a joint asset with what may be a sole asset (savings) if there is a lack of understanding of how all of the finances work.

I estimate OP and her DH are at least half a million pounds short of providing for themselves for the rest of their lives, they are nowhere near well-off enough to be subsidising the adult step-daughters university education, especially when the government loan scheme means that subsidy will make no difference to her ability to go to University. (I am assuming there is no half-a-million pound pension fund we've not been told about.)

The OP's husband seem confused about whether he is in a pooled or separate finances marriage. Had they had the most extreme form of separate finances, OP would have no savings after paying her share of costs, so I can see why (on some level) he thinks her savings are his. On the other hand, he set things up so that she gets control of half the money, he should have been clear from the outset whether this was tax-planning or generosity born of love. Either would have been OK to do, it's not OK to advertise it as generosity then retrospectively change your mind.

I think the correct approach here is to ignore the wider context (the current arrangement is generous to OP and he can make it less generous) and just concentrate on the two reasons why it doesn't make sense to pay for step-daughters university. (1. Because it's poor risk-adjusted return, given that a government loan might not have be repaid. 2. OP and DH have inadequate savings considering their age.)

He should not be flying first-class, full stop. He is at least half a million pounds short of being well-off enough to spend money on that.