AIBU to give the au pair sandwiches for lunch?!?!

[munchee]

So, we've recently embarked on having an au pair for the first time. She is French. We are single person household with just me and my young son (aged 3).

For lunch, my son generally eats sandwiches-cheese/tuna/ham etc or perhaps beans or eggs on toast. The AP eats with him and therefore has the same sort of food. The AP has complained that she feels ill from eating bread for lunch everyday and that she would like to eat a cooked lunch with meat etc (more like what we would usually have for dinner)

AIBU to say no? I am of the opinion that "when in Rome, do as the Romans do" and (unless I am completely ignorant of the norm) I thought most families tended to have bread etc for lunch.

Thoughts please?

Why can't she just cook at lunch what was planned for the evening??

My first au pair was Abigail one for lunches and v little in the eve. I would get stuff in she liked and leave her to make it.

Current au pair usually has soup or salad for lunch and eats with us in the eve. She does like it when we have lunch together such as in half term though.

I think you're being a bit harsh on the au pair. Yes it's a cultural ecxhange, but unless you've never lived in another country, especially where you have to spend all day every day speaking your second language, you have no idea how exhausting it is living in another culture. I think you should cut her some slack. If you dont like the food, or it makes you ill, or there's not enough of it then you're just miserable, all the time.

Why not explain to the AP that you have your main meal in the evening, and a light meal at lunch? I agree that sandwiches every day are a bit grim (particularly with British bread) - could you not make a quiche one day, and maybe ask her to rustle herself up an omelette (as others have suggested). Fridge full of salad stuff, cold salmon, cold chicken etc.

Au pairs do have to fit in with the family, to a certain extent, although there is some leeway. I don't see why you should be providing eg steak and chips for her lunch as well as an evening meal. My APs could either have what the children had for lunch - a hot meal, maybe a stew from the slow cooker, or lasagne, or get themselves something cold. I did have one who, memorably, asked me if I would buy her microwaveable burgers and chips for her lunch. I declined, but told her she was free to buy her own, if that was what she wanted to eat.

"She is a guest in our house, here on a "cultural exchange" and I believe that part of that is eating as we normally do, not having a special diet!"

You're being very unreasonable. If she was a vegetarian would you make her eat meat? If she had a nut allergy would you make her eat nuts? Bread makes her feel ill. Let the woman eat something that doesn't make her feel ill, FFS.

Abigail??

The more I hear cultural exchange the more it gets me worked up.

FFS OP (who's not come back) she's not an exchange student. here for 2 weeks from France to learn English (though that may be part of her game plan).

she's looking after your child at a cheap rate. if she wasn't around to do this then you'd find it hard to be a single working mother.

Imagine if your child went to France - etc on a cultural exchange or had a job there (when older of course) - I'd hazard a guess they'd try the local cuisine but if they felt ill because of it, or heavens wanted to use teabags (can be a rarity in France!) I'm sure most tolerant French families would be more than happy to accommodate him/her.

I eat sandwiches or cake for breakfast < northern European ,not UK>
Rye bread from the bakers ,sprinkle of strong cheese and a tomato sliced ( not from the fridge).

Lunch is always a hot meal - usually leftovers from the day before, dinner is light ,an omelette salad etc

If its making her feel ill YABU

She is a guest in our house, here on a "cultural exchange" and I believe that part of that is eating as we normally do, not having a special diet!

Err no she's not! Au pairs are supposed to be treated like members of the family while they're with you.

I've had au pairs in the past - treat them well or they'll leave! Up to you though.

Yes, Dancer, but do you cook different meals for different members of the family? I certainly don't. I think there has to be a bit of give and take on both sides.

I'd cook different meals if I were making something that made one of my family members ill.

I wouldn't dream of telling my au pair exactly what she can eat - but nor do I generally prepare lunch for her during her working day. Our "rule" is that I will have food that she likes available for her - within appropriate boundaries that include cost and prep time. I really do think they need to have some say in what they eat. However, YANBU to say that the family will eat your main meal in the evening.

YABVVU

I can't eat bread or wheat based foods as it makes me feel sluggish and bloated.

Jesus if hate to work for you!

she actually sometimes I do!

But the point is, it's about the attitude. No, the OP shouldn't have to make a cooked lunch if they eat their main meal in the evening. But she's coming across as v inflexible - that's what we eat, tough. She could suggest some non - bread alternatives for lunch and make the au pair feel comfortable. ANYONE staying in my home I would want to make them happy and if that means a bit if effort or inconvenience on my part then so be it.

A lot of French families consider that it is unhealthy to eat a bigger meal in the evening, and that any large meal should be eaten earlier in the day. (But more frequent smaller meals are best). It does make sense when you think about it.

I couldn't eat a sandwich every day either. Too much bread which is just 'stodge'. Why not heat soup up (or cook pasta or wholemeal couscous or baked beans etc.) and put it in a flask in the morning instead of sandwiches, that can be eaten at the same time as the sandwiches.

Some days I have to grab a sandwich or have nothing - it's tough luck. I assume the AP is an adult? If she doesn't like the option then she should get her own? I'm sure she's capable of going to the shops? A lot of adults prepare their lunch the night before and then take it to work, working in the home is not really any different to this. She could make her meals the night before and then warm them up. You should get her suggestions for the weekly shop though, she does live with you.

Yes I think you should cook her wholemeal couscous or baked beans. That will soon have her begging for your sarnies again

Bread isn't just 'stodge'. It's also quite a good source of protein, depending on the type.

It can be.