AIBU to give the au pair sandwiches for lunch?!?!

[munchee]

So, we've recently embarked on having an au pair for the first time. She is French. We are single person household with just me and my young son (aged 3).

For lunch, my son generally eats sandwiches-cheese/tuna/ham etc or perhaps beans or eggs on toast. The AP eats with him and therefore has the same sort of food. The AP has complained that she feels ill from eating bread for lunch everyday and that she would like to eat a cooked lunch with meat etc (more like what we would usually have for dinner)

AIBU to say no? I am of the opinion that "when in Rome, do as the Romans do" and (unless I am completely ignorant of the norm) I thought most families tended to have bread etc for lunch.

Thoughts please?

Oh and out of 20 of us in the staffroom only one has sandwiches the rest have soup, leftovers, salad, jackets etc. so ime sandwiches are the exception not the norm.

So you trust this woman to look after your 3 year old but not to make her own lunch. Very strange.

Desertrose? The very same one from expatwoman?

I loved all your posts when I used that forum. Always wise about house help!

I think you should be more adaptable.
I'm sure you want her to enjoy her experience with you and to be happy in the UK.

Could she have leftovers from the night before and then something lighter in the evening?
Could she make her own lunch? I can't see why you need to prepare her food for her if she prefers something other than what is on offer.

I don't really understand why this is a big issue. As some posters have already said, she may have some digestive issues which mean that eating a lot of bread is problematic. Why can't you just get some soup and salad ingredients in so when your son is having sandwiches, she can make an alternative for herself?

The reason OP does sandwiches rather than other quick lunches is that they can be done in advance.

OP, is she prepared to fend for herself if you are busy?

Why can't the au pair make lunch?

The "when in Rome" stuff is why she has a cooked meal in the evening rather than at lunchtime. What she actually eats for the other meal surely isn't something to get worked up about.

Just explain that in this country, most people have a cooked meal in the evening, so that's what we do in this house, but of course she is very welcome to make herself something light at lunchtimes, and just to let you know if there is anything in terms of ingredients she needs that you don't have. Job done.

What would she have in the evening at home if she'd normally have a cooked meal at lunchtime?

"I think we need to clarify what a sandwich is here to most people! FYI two pieces of buttered bread with some ham or cheese in the middle? NOT a sandwich."

I really think most people would describe that as a sandwich tbh, but I'm intrigued as to what you'd call it?

I work in an office of about 12 people. Only very rarely does anyone eat a sandwich for lunch.

I'm so glad I don't have an au pair. It sounds like a cultural minefield.

I think it is ok to say that we have light meals at lunchtime, egg on toast, salad, sandwiches, pasta salad etc. It costs too much to have a full cooked meal with meat at lunch as well and I don't want my son eating that or seeing that being eaten.

I don't think it is ok to make someone basically eat the same thing every day because you like to. How about doing lunches the night before (that's what we do) and having her help come up with some light meals that would be reasonably priced, nutritious and suitable for both her and DS. If you could both come up with ten things then that is a fortnight rotation.

flowery - French people have a cooked meal at lunch and at dinner.

Why can 't she make her own lunch? You only need to provide all food in the sense of buying it, not cooking every meal.

Just tell her to crack on with whatever she fancies, within reason. She's an adult, she can have soup etc for lunch. However main meal in eve, tough tits if that's not to her preference, when in Rome etc.

I can make a delicious omelette in under 3 minutes! (thanks to that Saturday morning cooking show).

Seriously though, I agree with "when in Rome" to a certain extent and the AP should get over any expectation of a hot meal at lunch every day whilst she is in the UK.

But sandwiches for lunch every day would make me gag and feel ill too & I don't see why you OP, need to control her meals. The AP is neither your child or your pet.

Read the whole thread and still can't work out why she doesn't make her own lunch?!

footballmum because the OP wont let her thinks the AP "should eat as we normally do" (see @ 10:27 above).

Jacket potato, omlette, salad. All suitable for lunch and lacking in wheat/bread. I feel ill eating bread every lunchtime, to I empathise with the Au Pair.

Yes BeCool I saw that but read it to mean that if the OP is making the lunch, the au pair can eat whatever the OP is making. Still don't understand why, if it's not to the au pair's taste, she can't sort out her own lunch? If she's not allowed and has to eat what the OP is making then the OP is BU but if the au pair can't be bothered to make her own lunch but is complaining about what is given to her then the au pair is BU!

I know!! I don't get it either.

It's also particularly frustrating that several PPs have asked the same question but the OP hasn't come back to clarify but that seems to be a bit of a theme with MN at the moment

Poor girl! Having to eat pre prepped sarnies every day! Yuk! LEt her have a baked potato and ham for God's sake! Why not offer her pasta salad with meat?

I'm English and don't eat sandwiches everyday and I can't think of any family or friends who eat sandwiches everyday? Very strange, we have

A salad with cold meats
beans or cheesy beans on toast
an omelette
a panini
fish finger sandwiches
occasionally the kids and me like super noodles
soup
a quick stirfry
toasties

I can't imagine having a cold boring sandwich everyday and filling myself full of that much bread weekly.

Let her choose what she wants to eat, buy it in and let her cook it.

I also can't Imagine making an adult eat what I want them to eat.

Very strange

Maybe the real problem here is that you see her as a 'guest in your house' (from your second post). She's a flipping employee and is looking after your kids, not just a 'cultural exchange' student your looking after out of the goodness of your heart. The au pair relationship can be great, but you both need to have some respect for the other's needs and space.

As tons of other pps have said, you could give her plenty of cheap and easy options to make for herself without having a pre-made sandwich every day.