AIBU to give the au pair sandwiches for lunch?!?!

[munchee]

So, we've recently embarked on having an au pair for the first time. She is French. We are single person household with just me and my young son (aged 3).

For lunch, my son generally eats sandwiches-cheese/tuna/ham etc or perhaps beans or eggs on toast. The AP eats with him and therefore has the same sort of food. The AP has complained that she feels ill from eating bread for lunch everyday and that she would like to eat a cooked lunch with meat etc (more like what we would usually have for dinner)

AIBU to say no? I am of the opinion that "when in Rome, do as the Romans do" and (unless I am completely ignorant of the norm) I thought most families tended to have bread etc for lunch.

Thoughts please?

I would sit down with her and see what types of things she would like for lunch, and then if it's things she can prepare herself, see if she's willing to make enough for your son as well so he can try some new foods. Isn't part of the whole AP thing for him also to be exposed to new things too? Surely that is a benefit. You might find she can introduce some new quick and delicious lunches to you so you're not eating sandwiches daily, which (to be honest) can get a bit boring.

What an awful attitude! All you have to do is provide her (within reason) with things to make her lunch during the day.

You could make a suggestion - omelette, soup etc but she doesn't need and shouldn't feel the need to eat what your son eats whether it's sandwiches or alphabetti spaghetti and Potato Waffles! she can easily do jacket potato etc.

I dont eat sandwiches. Wheat leaves me bloated and uncomfortable. Wheat does that to a lot if people

What about - jacket potato with cheese or beans. Or omelette or a quinoa salad or lentil soup?

Oh didn't you read the previous nanny nightmare post where nanny was eating junk food in front of the DC, eat least you don't have THAT problem!

Thanks windchime I was wondering that! Mn makes ms feel very inadequate sometimes with the thibgs that others think are apparently straight forward!

Just offer her some snails and frogs legs.

I'm just appalled that the OP realises that the additional bread in the AP's diet *makes her ill" and still doesn't care and wants to insist that she continue to eat bread. Just charming.

I think you are being mean. It's such a small thing to change and would mean your child eats healthier as tons of wheat isn't that great for anyone

OP if she was allergic to a specific food, would you insist she continue to eat it? She is telling you it makes her ILL. This really is a no-brainer.

I am shocked that you are dictating what she should eat for lunch. You have got your very cheap childcare and are still happy for someone who is looking after your child to start feeling ill from sandwiches everyday.
I hope she take a few days off sick.
Why can't you just add into your shopping what she likes. Maybe your son would also benefit from this cultural exchange.

Just leave her stuff in the cupboard / fridge so she can make some lunch for herself. Lots of ideas given here. Just be clear what is set aside for dinner, ie not roasting the chicken etc.

Who determined that sandwiches are 'lunch'? Yuk! To me they are not a meal just something that people have with a cake or two as afternoon tea. Little dinky things with no crusts and a wafer thin slice of cucumber. Multigrain doorsteps with the contents of the kitchen garden inside make my stomach hurt just thinking about them! In short, bread is just something to make toast with and put baked beans on in this house.

I dont mind bread when it's decorating bacon. Other than that i'd rather not.

I think you are being really unreasonable. Sandwiches every day? Fine 2 or 3 times a week if she is working mon-fri but i don't blame her not wanting it every day. What is wrong with a pasta/cheese/egg/ham/tuna salad etc? Not hard to make at all (she can make it herself surely?).

You can't dictate to an adult what they have for lunch! And why on EARTH would you make her eat something that you know makes her feel ill?!

it'll do your child the world of good to have something simple prepared by the au pair for lunch each day that isn't a sandwich.
most of the suggestions above are perfectly sensible, aren't going to cost you more and aren't going to require to you get different food in - it's simply reformatting to remove the bread.
In fact do yourself a favour and follow her example and see if it makes you feel better (and check sugar levels in shop bought bread). It's a very old fashioned way of eating.
give her a proper cultural exchange and introduce her to baked beans.

Maybe the OP needs it put into perspective here. If your child was at a nursery, and they feed him something every day that made him ill, would you want them to continue to give it to him? No?

Ok.. now think about that.... ....

Maybe you could ask the OP to make batches of vegetable soup and such like?

The AP

You sound horrible, OP. I hope she quits and gets a job with someone a lot nicer.

Morgause - to be fair - it is her first AP.

I think the OP is being a bit rigid (and hope she reads back on this thread) as all she needs to do is compromise with her AP.

I think it's fine to explain to her that she's here in part to learn about our culture and part of that is eating habits, and sandwiches are a very typical British lunch. However, if she prefers to make something else you can provide basic ingredients so she can do that. That deals with the "cultural exchange" issue but still gives an adult woman choice over her own diet.

If she has said that eating that amount of bread is making her feel ill then YABU not to find a solution. I don't think that means that you have to have a cooked evening meal, but there must be some kind of compromise.

Batches of vegetable soup is a good idea, they can be frozen/refrigerated and just heated up in the microwave so no difficulty to cook. You could even buy pre-prepared soup.

Couscous takes 5 minutes to make - just pour boiling water over dried couscous and leave it. When you come back to it after 5 minutes it will be ready, so easy to quickly make before lunch. That could be eaten with cold boiled eggs/ tuna/ salad/ cheese etc. You can buy couscous, bulgar wheat or quinoa etc ready made as well to make it super easy.

Perhaps she would find an alternative type of bread easier to digest otherwise - wraps, pitta bread? Or maybe ryvita, oat cakes, rice cakes or similar.

YANBU to say it isn't possible to make two cooked meals but YABU if you don't find a lunchtime alternative that goes easy on the bread, she isn't going to be able to look after you son to the best of her ability if she is feeling unwell after lunch.

'As a French person, she will be used to eating a proper meal at lunchtime.'
That's a massive over-generalisation!

I don't know how au pairs are usually treated and what their work involves. Would it be OK to ask her to cook for herself and your son at lunchtime? Or can you just try to up the number of times a week they have beans or eggs on toast, and add in omelettes sometimes too? They're pretty easy to prepare and make.

I'm not French. I wouldn't be happy with sandwitches for lunch every day, though I'd also have the manners to suggest I'd make some alternatives rather than to ask for two dinners! Honestly, a quick salad or an omlette wouldn't take much longer than making sandwitches and is surely quicker than a baked potato.

I would want to explain to her that having a hot cooked meal at lunchtime isn't very usual in the UK, unless you have a work or school canteen, though - just because she may not understand.