AIBU to give the au pair sandwiches for lunch?!?!

[munchee]

So, we've recently embarked on having an au pair for the first time. She is French. We are single person household with just me and my young son (aged 3).

For lunch, my son generally eats sandwiches-cheese/tuna/ham etc or perhaps beans or eggs on toast. The AP eats with him and therefore has the same sort of food. The AP has complained that she feels ill from eating bread for lunch everyday and that she would like to eat a cooked lunch with meat etc (more like what we would usually have for dinner)

AIBU to say no? I am of the opinion that "when in Rome, do as the Romans do" and (unless I am completely ignorant of the norm) I thought most families tended to have bread etc for lunch.

Thoughts please?

It's just as much of a generalisation is say that in various other countries people tend to have their main meal at lunch time as it is to say in the UK people tend to have their main meal in the evening.

Asking her to adapt to having her main meal in the evening isn't the issue - insisting she has basically the same thing, something she doesn;t like, for lunch every day is.

control freak.

Let her make her own lunch that her stomach can cope with.

Dh cant eat rice, it makes him fall asleep. I cant drink milk, I would leave if somebody forced me to have cereals with milk for breakfast everyday, it would make me ill.

I have IBS. Sandwiches every day would make me pebbledash the loo. Would you be so stingy about that?

People have given loads of options here. Speak to her about those, and ask what ingredients she'd like then leave her to it. If you're working in the morning then how much time it takes her to make a salad or omelette as opposed to a sandwich shouldn't be anything that concerns or affects you.

I don't think you can dictate what she eats, op.

Imh experience of the last couple of decades spent in France

1. The AP will indeed expect her main meal at lunch time. It might be a generalisation but it is no less true for that.
2. She will have no idea how to whip up a quick and satisfying lunch for your DC as all the French children I know seem to be fed exclusively on overcooked green beans, packet ham, tinned pasta and bread.
3. Considering that a meal is never eaten in France without bread being served I am chuckling a little bit. However bread is generally not the main component and there may be a aspect of food snobbery going on as well if the attitudes of my friends and colleagues towards English food is anything to go by.

I don't think Yabu to ask her to have her main meal in the evening (presumably you won't have had a big lunch) but sandwiches everyday probably is a step too far in the other direction. Omelette, soup and salad would be more reasonable alternatives though. Jacket potatoes will probably confuse the hell out of her

She is a guest in our house Well you have a shitty way of treating your guests, op.

It may have nothing to do with food snobbery. She possibly has IBS or some sort of gluten intolerance. Is it really that big a deal to cut back on the sandwiches for lunch? If she was simply a family member staying for a few weeks or a guest from the UK staying, would you still insist on sandwiches? I'd bet not.

Just ask her what she would like to cook, and take it from there.

I think if she just would rather have her main meal at lunch and wants you are your child to change to suit her, then it's not on. However if its that she s fed up eating bread, suggest pasta, salads etc.

Why can't she make her own lunch? Give her a lunch budget and she can shop for it too, she's a grown up.

Arf at Vests Yes, you can give the Au Pair a sandwich. I've given my Butler Super Noodles.

Much as I wish I had a scullerymaid to feed sausage rolls and pombears to, my only contribution is the bacon barm (well, 2 of them) I'm about to make for the plasterer.

Ok love, make whatever you want provided you make enough for both of you so I don't have to cock about making butties for his dinner.

Job done!

I think I'll have omelette for lunch.

I am not dictated to everyday because it's my house and I do the shopping and pay for it for that matter

You sound very welcoming and a pleasure to work for.

Au pairs are supposed to be treated like family members. Would you make an adult family member eat a lunch every day they didn't want? Or would you buy something they would actually like?

I think anyone who is reasonable would do the latter.

And I have read lots of Au Pairs from abroad complain that they are not fed enough at lunchtime in British homes. Many other cultures do not snack between meals, and if you don't, a sandwich is not enough for a busy adult running about after a young child.

It can be hard for the stomach to adjust to a lot of a food you're not used to - could she make something for herself?

You should be buying in some food that she likes and letting her eat and cook it herself for lunch.

Why isn't she out at language clSs during the day anyway?

You do know that au pairs aren't supposed to have sole charge of 3yos don't you?

What do you and her eat for dinner?

Only on MN have I ever encountered this bizarre attitude towards sandwiches. The vast majority of people I know have a sandwich for lunch Monday-Friday.

I'm also at the idea that the French don't eat as much bread as we do. Bread for breakfast, bread with your salad at lunchtime, and alongside your evening meal.
I'm sure Bonsoir will be back a moment to tell me that isn't what they do in Paris, however it is what they do in vast areas of rural France.

OP I don't understand what you working has to do with her lunch - isn't she at home with your son, and therefore she could make something herself for both of them?

For a lot of French people a sandwich at lunch time is a real shocker - a bit like expecting your AP to take a cold bath or wear her underwear two days in a row.

Alibaba - it's a class issue.

Remember - French school canteens serve entree, plat, fromage and dessert every day.

French nurseries serve 3 courses to children every day.

Only on MN have I ever encountered this bizarre attitude towards sandwiches. The vast majority of people I know have a sandwich for lunch Monday-Friday.

Maybe you just know a selection of people who all have similar life experience to you. I don't know anyone who eats a sandwich every day, but then many of my friends are self employed and work from home, so aren't limited to food that they can take with them to work.

Just because your friends eat sandwiches doesn't mean people are just being cussed by disagreeing. If I had to eat sandwiches every day for lunch I would weigh about 20 stone unless I ate nothing else for the rest of the day.

French bread is a lot nicer and a lot less processed than most UK bread. But it is more normal to just eat a small piece, with other food, rather than a large piece made into a sandwich.

I'm from a very working class northern background and I just don't like cold food, hence my aversion to sandwiches. I also get very hungry in the mornings, despite eating protein for breakfast and will not be satisfied by a sandwich for lunch.

Ironically one of my siblings does not eat hot food at all and only eats a very limited range of sandwiches, sugared tea, biscuits, cakes and chocolates.

I would love to live in France or Spain, where a proper cooked meal for lunch is the norm. I would probably then only eat something light in the evenings and be slimmer than I am now.

Sandwiches in my circle are not the norm. I wouldn't mind a sandwich for lunch but it's not my most favourite meal. Bread really does bloat some people.

YABU when they are plenty of other simple meals she could have. Also, she is not a guest and if you stick with your mindset, she won't stick around very long,

I work with a French girl and she finds it very hard to adapt to our Irish way of having a light meal in the middle of the day and our main meal in the evening. She was always used to starter, main course and dessert at lunchtime.
She just brings in smoked fish, cold meat and salad stuff + some soup and/or fruit and makes a substantial but healthy lunch and then has her dinner at night time. Could you not leave similar type stuff in the fridge for the au pair plus some eggs?