To have taken ds's prize off him for bad behaviour?

[Hangingwiththeraisingirls]

Not sure if we were too harsh or not harsh enough!
Ds is 4, nearly 5, and we are away on holiday atm. We've been to a theme park today and there was a magic / entertainment show for the children.

The man started by saying he'd got a balloon animal to give at the end to the child he saw watching nicely and taking part the best. It was a lovely one, a big dinosaur made of quite a lot of balloons. Ds's eyes lit up and he sat all the way through, shouting out when told to, doing the actions etc.
The entertainer chose several children to take part. He teased these children, telling them they had stinky feet, were ugly, smelt like socks etc.
ds thought this hilarious.

At the end the entertainer chose ds for the balloon dinosaur. Ds leapt up on stage thrilled, had his picture taken and then unfortunately said to the entertainer 'you smell too, you smell like poo' he said it about twice before dh managed to get to him and tell him to stop it! Dh then gave the balloon back to the entertainer telling ds he had been too naughty for it and dragged off a wailing ds. He also has taken away half his holiday pocket money (£5) and told him he now won't be able to buy the dinosaur set he had his eye on.

I'm not sure if this was ott. Ds was rude but I think he was trying to play along and at 4 is unfortunately obsessed with poo.
Otoh ds needs to learn what's appropriate and what's not and both dh and I were mortified.

Were we unreasonable? It did spoil the day tbh.

I remember being told off by my uncle for pointing at my mum when I was staying at his house. I was three! It wasn't much of a telling off but I remember clearly feeling confused as a. I hadn't really pointed but had been trying to beckon her for some reason and b. because noone had ever told me not to point so I was totally surprised and dismayed to be reprimanded.

So, another YABU, DH was v OTT and your DS will probably remember and feel upset thinking about it in the future. Agree with other posters -give him a big hug and explain why it was ok for the entertainer to say rude things but not for him to (good luck) but that you're sure he understands now and you don't want him to feel bad about it.
And enjoy the rest of the holiday!

OP glad you have come around a bit and understood what people are saying but I really think you need to speak to your DH if he is so annoyed by this that he has to calm down for 15 mins before he can talk to your DS after such a minor incident. I couldn't believe your opening post and actually asked my husband to read it (first time I have ever done that) to see if it was just me but he also thought it was totally OTT.
I don't mean to be judgey but I really feel sorry for your son if he is ever really naughty if this is the reaction he gets to something so insignificant.

Yabvu op, the worst thing is you said in op that you were not sure you were too strict or NOT strict enough.

Your poor ds, I can only imagine how constantly picked on he feels at home.

You and your dh sound very controlling and mean tbh.

Read the whole thread.

First sad thing is you had to wonder if this was unreasonable.

Boys do talk about poo a lot, my 7 year old still finds it funny,

Put a adult in the middle of soft play all the kids join in playing with the adult.

There's is also a reason time out is a minute a year as 4 minutes for a 4 year old been ignored is an awfully long time.

While yes been respectful to an adult is important if an entertainer is shouting you stink expect it back.

My Ds was an angel in reception too but came home and pushed a bit more because he needed to let off steam he had spent all day been an angel it is hard work.

Let your boy have some fun. he is only 4, life gets less fun soon enough. if he steps back in line pull him back in it doesn't require punishment.

I also don't know why he has pocket money at 4? I don't know that a 4 year old needs anything not given. I would stop treating him like a mini adult he isn't he is a little boy.

I had a very similar experience a few weeks back with dd who is also over familiar with people (she will go up and cuddle strangers in the soft play which really freaks them out but we are working on boundaries)

We went to a party and as we were leaving dd saw entertainer loading his car and excitedly shouted 'bye bye you smell of poo'

He waved, I ignored the shocked looks of the passers by and we went home having a chat about what you do an dont say in public! She kept her party bag and balloon and piece of cake because I can't see how it was a punishable offence.

You expect a lot of your son. My eldest has always been good as gold but when he started school he was very challenging at home (an angel at school we were told). It's really not unusual.

Your dh needs more experience of 4 year olds. He made a tit of himself doing that to your son - so much for being concerned about appearances

I'm a dad. I appreciate that it is sometimes hard to get it right, particularly if you're learning as you go (I've just got the one son at the moment, and really wish there was a manual on how to be a good dad).

But, I think your husband has set his baseline completely wrongly. He needs to relax and try to remember what it's like to be a 4 year old boy.

If he carries on with this parenting style, he's going to end up with a son who will resent him.

Don't metaphorically beat the fun out of your son. Please.

'Ds is so tall too, he easily looks 7. Hence any behaviour that might be more acceptable from a 4 year old looks bad because everyone assumes he's older.' This perturbes me. All my dc are v tall and people have always assumed they're older, but what people may or may not assume about their ages aren't my problem. I do think you are going to have to care a whole lot less about other people's perceptions. He was probably just copying what the entertainer had said.

Wow. I'm speechless.

Your DS is 4. He just played along with the entertainer and your DH came down like a ton of bricks. Plus he got TWO very severe punishments. A four year old will not even be able to link the incident to the lost pocket money so will just feel bereft.

He is not a 7 year old no matter what strangers might think why should he be expected to act like one?

Your DH did this because he was performance parenting.

Now that is piss poor behaviour,does he not realise most people would have been looking at him thinking "what an arsehole poor little lad"

Reactions like that make it look like the adults are not coping with perfectly normal child behaviour

He had holiday spending money his grandparents had given him.
I've told dh I think ds should be able to have his money and we will buy him the dinosaurs as a holiday treat.

Dh says he can't have the money because it's important to stick to what we have said otherwise ds will never think we mean what we say but that we will get him dinosaurs.
He does not think he was too harsh.

Way ott. Poor boy.
It's your DH who needs attitude correction. If he works away and doesn't see him much, he needs educated as to what you consider acceptable in a 4 year old.
God help you when he's 11 and turned into a Kevin.
What is your DH going to do with actual attitude then?

Why does his opinion over rule yours????

You really are a piece of work OP.
You've had hundreds of responses saying YABU but you just can't accept it, let alone stand up properly for your son.

You give your Ds the money then! Stop letting your Dh husband ride rough shod over everyone. He is an arse of the highest order. Stand up to him, for your son's sake.

Seriously you need to stick up for your 4 nearly 5 year old child to your bully of a husband. I really thought you were taking some notice of what people were saying but it seems not.
I feel bad for being so harsh but although you seem to get it for some reason you allow your husband to overrule you. God help you and your son in years to come especially if your husband doesn't even see that much of your son and can't seem to enjoy the time when he does unless your child is acting like some perfect robot.

Are you scared of your DH?

I won't go against what dh has said, it would make the holiday more unpleasant.

I agree it was ott.

Why is your DH's opinion more important than yours?

Does he ever admit and apologise when he's wrong?

So sad; your little boy was thrilled with his prize. He thought he was acting appropriately by trying to copy the entertainer. He didn't mean to be cheeky or naughty and he should have his pocket money back too. The prize has gone now. Your dh has taken away the little one's delight that is more than enough :(

God help your son.

Sticking to what he has said, even when he is wrong? Yup, that's a great parental model for your poor DS

Cross posts. So your DH is a manipulative, self-centred sulker if things don't go his way?

What an outstanding role model for your son.

Your husband is wrong. He was far too harsh. I worry about the fact he can't see that.

Your last post explains a lot. Does your husband bully you?

If your DH is so concerned about how he appears to others then why don't you show him the thread so that he can see what people really think of the decisions he made today?

Also, a decent parent understands that they don't have all the answers and can sometimes get things wrong. It's absolutely ok to say to your DS that you've had a re think and you're sorry about what happened today.

A good parent would do that.