To have taken ds's prize off him for bad behaviour?

[Hangingwiththeraisingirls]

Not sure if we were too harsh or not harsh enough!
Ds is 4, nearly 5, and we are away on holiday atm. We've been to a theme park today and there was a magic / entertainment show for the children.

The man started by saying he'd got a balloon animal to give at the end to the child he saw watching nicely and taking part the best. It was a lovely one, a big dinosaur made of quite a lot of balloons. Ds's eyes lit up and he sat all the way through, shouting out when told to, doing the actions etc.
The entertainer chose several children to take part. He teased these children, telling them they had stinky feet, were ugly, smelt like socks etc.
ds thought this hilarious.

At the end the entertainer chose ds for the balloon dinosaur. Ds leapt up on stage thrilled, had his picture taken and then unfortunately said to the entertainer 'you smell too, you smell like poo' he said it about twice before dh managed to get to him and tell him to stop it! Dh then gave the balloon back to the entertainer telling ds he had been too naughty for it and dragged off a wailing ds. He also has taken away half his holiday pocket money (£5) and told him he now won't be able to buy the dinosaur set he had his eye on.

I'm not sure if this was ott. Ds was rude but I think he was trying to play along and at 4 is unfortunately obsessed with poo.
Otoh ds needs to learn what's appropriate and what's not and both dh and I were mortified.

Were we unreasonable? It did spoil the day tbh.

Don't some threads really upset you?

There are a crowd of MNetters really feeling for a little boy who has been hurt and upset by his parents on a family holiday.

I can't help thinking about my DGC who absolutely adore dinosaurs and who'd be in bits being punished like this for something they clearly didn't mean as rudeness.

And you, OP are not taking one word in, of the unanimous opinion on here.

Why did you ask?

Ds is more difficult in lots and lots of ways than a lot of other children.

He's very very very very full on and he doesn't let up for even a second.

He is good fun and generally pretty well behaved but he is hard work.

Well done for taking it on board.

Your DH is an arse

Yes, a bad decision. No, this 4 year old won't remember it

Bet he will. I can remember a couple of things that meant a lot to me when I was 4. That was over 50 years ago.

Ds has bounced back ok - he's as bouncy as ever this evening and has been on stage for the kid's talent show. Thankfully he didn't tell anyone they smelt of poo

Ds is more difficult in lots and lots of ways than a lot of other children. He's very very very very full on and he doesn't let up for even a second. He is good fun and generally pretty well behaved but he is hard work.

To be fair, that's not his problem.

How you react to it, is yours.

See, to me that would have been a more appropriate 'punishment'.

No more appearing on stage till he understood how to behave there, a little better.

He is 4, almost 5. He'll remember this. My heart aches for the wee soul. What a memory to have from a family holiday.

I appreciate what it's like to have a full on four year old. They can be exhausting - but honestly, what you've described sounds entirely with the bounds of normal behaviour for a child of that age, not particularly naughty, cheeky or challenging.

Is there more going on here WRT behaviour than you've mentioned Hanging?

Your last post tells me this is water off a duck's back and you will back your DH all the way.

This..
^Dh is very concerned with appearances and how things look.
He is the stricter of the two of us and in general loses his temper pretty quickly.^ sounds like a big worry and you should be addressing this. Yes of course we point out good and bad behaviour to our 4 yr olds but this was way over the top. Are you and your OP going to take the comments on board? I doubt it

Just that he is quite wearing and testing the boundaries a lot at the moment.
His behaviour is impeccable at school - he just tries it on a bit at home!

i dread to think how else the H has parented given his obsession with how things look and what other people think. Your DS is probably only 'hard work' because of this, you know.

Have you actually taken any of this on board?

Glad to hear he's OK Hanging. Hope he enjoys the talent show :).

This thread is like something you'd read on the relationships board - except if she'd posted over there the OP would be upset about her DH's heavy handed behaviour and would be posting for advice about what to do.

Rousette I've posted that I've spoken to ds about how we understand why he said what he did but he shouldn't be rude and that he can have his dinosaurs.

That's what 4 year olds do! It's normal. His behaviour is impeccable at school, his behaviour was impeccable to win the prize, yet in copying the entertainer your DH decides three punishments and freezes him out for 15 minutes.
How long did he cry for? Ages I bet.

If dh loses his temper quickly (as you said), how will you teach your son THAT is wrong?
Hes got a great role model on that score..

Nanny0gg I 100% agree with you. I have two boys (19&17), DS2 thinks what the OP and her DH did is really horrible and DS1 just looked confused and said "Why?"

I can see so many DC I have known doing this at 4, and not one of the pm understanding why they have been treated how this little boy has been. As for not remembering, he will. I remember things that my mother did to me and DS1 often surprises me when he talks about things that happened (not like this) when he was 2!

Hanging and his pocket money too I hope. And an apology for being so harsh on him and not talking to him from your husband.

Your DS isn't the problem you and your DH are.

But I suspect you know this as all the way through this thread you have done nothing but try to justify your bad behaviour.

Short of catching a four year old deep frying kittens I really can't fathom how you thought his mutiple punishments weren't too harsh, let alone not harsh enough.

That doesn't sound unusual! That doesn't mean it's not hard work of course but it really is normal behaviour.

The behaviour your DH has displayed, on the other hand, really is concerning. What do you think of it? Obviously you're not obliged to answer that on here but something to consider.

His behaviour is impeccable at school. At school he will be treated as a young child, with normal expectations of what is age appropriate.

Ah, then if he is normally well behaved,just testing boundaries at home, the multiple punishments were def ott.

It might have made sense if you were trying to stamp out escalating bad behaviour but now it does just seem putative.

Although I'm not sure why you posted in aibu when you seem very confident that it's fine.

Of course his behaviour is impeccable at school. The average reception teacher would have stifled a laugh at what your DS said, then reminded him to say thank you.

No, this 4 year old won't remember it

I think he very probably will remember it.
He might not but you can't state that he won't.

I can remember being humiliated as a very young child. I also remember when things were done that I felt were totally unfair and confusing.