to be toying with the idea of having a baby alone with donated sperm?

[honeykitten]

Reasonably financially secure, no family whatsoever to help and no man on the horizon (mid 30s.)

I know I am a daft old woman

ugh just saw you don't have family to help...perhaps friends who could help? It's bloody hard work. I love a PPs suggestion to babysit a small baby just to make sure it's what you really want.

Go for it. You need backup with friends but why not. My best friend did it and its so worth it

One of my oldest friends did this - two children by the same donor. She has never looked back, and is in her element. Not regreted it for a second.

Her parents are close by and provide a lot of support.

Go for it!

I am actually a lesbian; I didn't mention that in my OP as it seemed something of a red herring as I'm not actually in a relationship anyway. So, any future DCs would be the result of IUI/IVF and still have the "male role model" issue (although thinking of some of the men I know! I'm not so sure that is a bad thing!)

I do have adequate savings.

The main concern is that it would be too intense/exhausting/I'd regret it/ child would regret having me and only me as a mother.

I realise 35 isn't a cut off bit it does seem a good time to give serious thoughts to my fertility. :)

The other thing is a lot of people are talking about borrowing a baby. I won't do that, mainly because I can't see anybody being keen to let a childless woman at their precious baby for 24 hours, but mainly because I'm not thinking of doing this to have a baby - I'm doing it to have a family.

The baby stage won't last. Even if it's horrific, I think I'd grin and bear it for two/three years. I wouldn't want to mind a nightmare baby and then decide I couldn't cope then regret that decision in ten years time. See what I mean?

YANBU. Go for it. I would

Go for it!!

I made the decision at 35 as well

I did it and have two lovely DCs to show for it. Absolutely draining and exhausting but so is living a life that you don't want iyswim. It's the best decision I've ever made.

Sometimes I don't know how to get through the day but I do and the DCs are wonderful and we are all very happy (although I am tired).

Agree that you don't need to borrow a baby. No one else does before they become pregnant. If you want to be a mother you'll work it out. Good luck!

This is the other thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/1877198-Donor-IUI?pg=1

Don't know how to link, sorry.

Those of you who did it with family or friend support, did you discuss it in depth with them first?

I've got the support of my Dad, who is great, and I spoke to him before. Didn't go into too much detail, but he thought it was a great idea. Had the big deep chats with a couple of close friends, but none of them are near by really.

I told family what I was planning but didn't discuss it as such. They trusted me to make the right decision. I sometimes forget the relative unusualness of our situation tbh. It seems very normal to me now. Family and friends all very supportive of the idea and we are all just normal families to each other.

Donations are throughly tested. You will be able to read all about family history. You can see a picture too! It is not a total shot in the dark. I am think it is unfair that lesbian couples and single women have to pay. That is for another thread though. :-)

Ynbu. Having children has been the best experience of my life and I wouldn't have wanted to miss out.

For me personally, I couldn't use a donor as I'd find it hard not knowing about the father, too many unanswered questions for me and the child.

Would prefer, website type meeting where the men want to play a role in parenting. Or with a friend or to be honest, I'd probably prefer an 'accident'.... But it's obviously your decision.

Ynbu. Having children has been the best experience of my life and I wouldn't have wanted to miss out.

For me personally, I couldn't use a donor as I'd find it hard not knowing about the father, too many unanswered questions for me and the child.

Would prefer, website type meeting where the men want to play a role in parenting. Or with a friend or to be honest, I'd probably prefer an 'accident'.... But it's obviously your decision.

Re the issue of the child regretting having only you as a parent. I don't think that would be an issue, my dom was a single mum, my father is unknown to me (although not to her) but he chose to go no contact since before my birth and I have never met nor seen him (even in photo). Of course I asked occasionally about him when growing up and my mum was always super honest and told me what she knew and never held back. I have never felt the need to meet him and was always satisfied with what she told me.

Also your comment about wanting a family and not just a baby, to me, really says a lot and makes me think that if you want to I think you should go for it. Children are so much more than just babies and in my experience you always put up with so much more from your own than you would someone else's child, even a close friend's or niece/nephew. In my experience.

Hth

I have done this and I have 2 boys. It's hard work, but i dont regret it for a second. My 8 year old asks a lot of questions now, and I have always been totally honest with him. We have a couple of books from DC network which I leave in his room, and he reads them now and then. I am always willing to talk about it to him, and I don't play down any concerns he may have. I apologise for not providing him with a father, and I allow him to moan about it on the rare occasions he wants to. But I also explain that there are many ways to live a life, and a "nuclear family" is no guarantee of happiness. He knows he is loved and was wanted more than anything, and I go out of my way to do boy stuff with them. We play Nerf, and for his birthday we drove a tank! And I play lots of football. I think he knows I do my best.
I'm sure there will be many hurdles ahead but I will never regret my decision. I was 36 when I started out, and had my boys at 38 and 41. If I'd left it much later I could well have been childless, and to me that would have been a disaster.

I nearly did this but didn't go through with it. My situation was different though.

I have a DD who wasn't planned. I was in a FWB relationship and after DD was born we remained friends and he's a big part of her life. He was always a bit crap in the parenting department, more of a fun uncle and not much practical help, but she adores him.

I always wanted a second, and after DD's dad refused to come up with the goods! I looked into going down the sperm donor route. In the end I decided against it because I felt it wouldn't be fair to have one child with a disney dad and another with no dad.

I brought DD up alone though from about 3 mins after conception! It is hard in the early years (and the teen years) but I wouldn't change it for the world. In fact most of my friends in long-term relationships seem to find it harder doing the night feeds with a snoring bloke next to them than I ever did. There's no resentment if there's no one there to resent!

We are two women and conceived our amazing children thanks to the Diersklinik in Denmark. It is a great place and definitely worth the effort if travelling. The cost works out about the same as having treatment in the UK, but you get to see Denmark too! We miss going and now go for holidays instead and plan to go regularly in the future - just for holidays, not more tiddlers. We love Denmark!
Go for it OP. You will have days when you think 'aaaaaagggggghhhhh', especially as you will be parenting solo, but they are so few compared to the days.

I am a single parent of two and while it is tough at times, i would love more and would do it if my finances were good and stable.

I can see the advantages of solo parenting.

DH is fantastic and no flaming please, but we are not always on the same page. With the DC there are a lot of compromise in our ethics and traditions. DH and I tend to argue a lot of what is best for the DC, they are in bed 'asleep' but I don't know if they pick up on our disagreements.

On the flip side of that there is nobody to turn to.

My friends have said it's easier being a lone parent, because their ex made parenting harder by wanting their own way all the time.

I'd defo do it if I were you. I thought about it then when I was in a fairly new relationship & more or less told my bf that I had to crack on with this & offered him first refusal to be the daddy or get a sperm donor. I'm glad to have him but could & would've done it alone. If you've been thinking it for a while I'd say put out the word to your loved ones as my family would have probably struggled to get their heads around it! Good luck whatever you decide

Google Donor Conception Network and you will get lots of info about this to help you decide....

Also - re borrowing a baby - it's really different when they are your own.

Usually a lot easier because you are the one they know and are too little to know any better have adjusted to your ways, routines, expectations etc