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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be toying with the idea of having a baby alone with donated sperm?

460 replies

honeykitten · 27/05/2014 16:34

Reasonably financially secure, no family whatsoever to help and no man on the horizon (mid 30s.)

I know I am a daft old woman Wink

OP posts:
ThinkIveBeenHacked · 27/05/2014 17:32

Tbh deciding to have kids is dAunting for everyone but yes, actively deciding to do it alone must be a massive decision.

Am sure you will make a wonderful mum and wish you the best of luck.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 27/05/2014 17:37

Yanbu.

I have a 2yo and nearly 7mo (pre aranged lone parent)tbh I find it easier than having to bother with a husband or anything like that.

Original poster
honeykitten · 27/05/2014 17:38

Mini - it was slightly tongue in cheek :) I don't know much about babies, though.

Some of the threads on here do seriously make me question if I'm up to it to be honest.

OP posts:
FaFoutis · 27/05/2014 17:44

YANBU. In your position I would do it.

expatinscotland · 27/05/2014 17:45

Go for it.

ICanSeeTheSun · 27/05/2014 17:48

Most of us haven't a clue when we give birth, kind of make it up as we go along.

Google brought my kids up.

orangepudding · 27/05/2014 17:50

I think I would do the same in your position.

IfNotNowThenWhen · 27/05/2014 17:55

I was thinking about this lately. I have one child,(on my own but not planned) and have only had non-starter relationships since he was born. I would love another child, and I am couple of years older than you OP.
My housing situation is rubbish right now, but if we can find somewhere permanent I might do it too..!
So, YANBU (but plan it and research it so you are not as blindsided as I was the first time!)
Good luck

Tangerinefairy · 27/05/2014 17:55

It IS very hard doing it as a single parent (I'm not one now but was for several years) but there are distinct advantages too...also, if you don't know any different you sort of get on with it!

CynthiaRose · 27/05/2014 17:56

I have done it and have 2 year old twins. Best decision I ever made by a long long way. It's amazing.

IfNotNowThenWhen · 27/05/2014 17:57

Although don't over research it..I have read threads on here about birth, for example, and I have gone Shock, not known what anyone was on about, and felt clueless. Even though I am pretty sure I gave birth!

CynthiaRose · 27/05/2014 17:59

There is a thread somewhere on here about people thinking and trying - can't remember what it was called but will find it when the kids are in bed (or just searchy name, I don't post much)

Pandora452 · 27/05/2014 18:02

My friend did this and she is so happy with a gorgeous gorgeous baby :)

I'd consider it when I get older :)

hennybeans · 27/05/2014 18:24

I'm the same age as you and if I were in your position I would definitely do it. I have 3 DC and so can say it will be hard, but if you can't imagine your life without them, go for it!

Also, with all the pressure off to find the 'right man' and settle down quickly to have a family, you never know what might come up relationship wise after the fact.

Topseyt · 27/05/2014 18:49

Go for it. You don't want to spend your life regretting that you didn't at least give it a try.

I would echo the words of caution earlier in the thread though about not underestimating the work involved in looking after babies and small children.

JaneParker · 27/05/2014 19:02

Go ahead. Just make sure you work out the money side. I always worked full time and you can pay for childcare, work full time even from when a baby is little and have enough over to live on if you plan it.

TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 27/05/2014 19:12

I did it

Do it! Not one person has said yabu. Times have changed a lot.

Fertility friends.co.UK has a single women section, that's where I started my research and it was an invaluable tool. Have made many friends via it too.There are more of us than you might think ;)

Feminine · 27/05/2014 19:18

I have a friend doing the exact same thing now.

It isn't easy. It has been very harsh on her.

I don't want to rain on your parade you understand.

You'll need to have masses of money put by for it too.

But...really good luck! :)

Feminine · 27/05/2014 19:19

I'm not talking child care costs either.

Even a basic IUI is very expensive.

litdog · 27/05/2014 19:21

Do it. I would have done it if I hadn't met anyone, without a doubt.

AryaOfHouseSnark · 27/05/2014 19:22

Go for it if that's what you want to do, a friend of June did, she ended up having twins Smile obviously she finds it hard sometimes, but all parents struggle, no matter what their situation.

AryaOfHouseSnark · 27/05/2014 19:23

By June I mean mine, not some random woman called June.

Xmasbaby11 · 27/05/2014 19:27

I wouldn't do it. You don't have a support network and it would be incredibly difficult. I think it's sad the baby would never know its father.

TheSarcasticFringehead · 27/05/2014 19:29

My best friend did this. She actually has twins, they are both now 13. It hasn't been easy as a SP (although that's mainly because of certain difficulties with one DC) but I know she has never, ever regretted it and the DC are honestly treasured by her. I think, go for it! Try and borrow as many babies as you can (and toddlers, for that matter) but I know having DC was life changing and amazing for nearly every single parent I know.

parentalunit · 27/05/2014 19:33

Firstly, 35 is not a cut-off, my doctor advised that fertility declines around 37.

Everyone is saying to go for it, so that seems to be the way to go.

However, I don't think I would. It's SO much hard work to have a child, and be able to raise the child as well as you can takes time, money and both male and female role models.

Do you have close friends and family to help you and a child? Do you have a safety net for caring for a child? Are you sociable and could you meet a partner in the next 5 years? (40 is not too late, and you WILL get out more if you delay having a child until later). Are you prepared to tell your child you don't know the father? Would you be able to access the father's medical records, in case there is an inherited disease (which he might not find out about until later in age)?