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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH, iTunes and "erotica"

132 replies

iFurious · 27/05/2014 15:28

Name changing regular because I'm embarrassed, although I'm not the one who should be feeling the shame.

DH left on a business trip at the weekend. This morning I woke up to a lovely email receipt, large as life on the (always open) general email address to which our family iTunes account is registered, on the family computer in the kitchen for a newly purchased audiobook entitled, "Do it! I want it in my ass!: A first anal sex erotica story."

WTF, I think, our iTunes account must have been hacked. Quick check of the iMac, my iPad and the kids' iPads (we all share the same account) reveals that this marvellous piece of literature has downloaded onto all our devices. Quick text to DH and I get this lovely reply, "Sorry, that was me. It was crap anyway!" Absolutely no recognition of the fact that I'm not remotely concerned that his wank fodder wasn't up to scratch but that the fuckwit thought it was ok to download this stuff onto the family account with no thought as to whether it would reach the kids' devices or what would happen if it did.

Our youngest is 8. WTF would he have thought if he'd listened to it? Our older kids have to take a device to school. The terms of the school's internet and electronic media policy would have meant suspension at the very least if the material had been seen by a teacher.
To top it all off, at dinner time, a little notification comes through that "Dirty Secrets and Filthy Fantasies" is now available for me to download in iBooks. Cue another frantic scrabble to make sure the kids don't end up with it on their devices.
AIBU? DH doesn't seem to get why I am so fucked off. It's not so much the material or spending money on something that was by his own admission pretty shite, it's the utter thoughtlessness of using our family account and leaving me to sort it all out.
He thinks I'm overreacting. I'd quite like to suggest that he reads a chapter of "I want it in my ass!" to the kids and see what they would have made of it had they opened the file inadvertently. He's not due home for a couple of days and clearly thinks this will be ok with a couple of "sorry" texts. What should I do?

OP posts:
whilewildeisonmine · 27/05/2014 15:34

It was thoughtless of him. YANBU.

Guiltypleasures001 · 27/05/2014 15:37

I'm sorry op I did giggle and spat my water out when I read this

First off yes he was a bit of a wally for using that account, chances are he got so excited at the title he never gave a second thought to where the notices might turn up.

May I suggest if he wants summin up his arse Confused oo err mrs your foot is a better suggestion and won't appear on the kids electronic devices Wine

MrsMcEnroe · 27/05/2014 15:38

Honestly, if my husband did this I would seriously consider leaving the bastard.

MaxPepsi · 27/05/2014 15:38

can you change the account and not give him the details?

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 27/05/2014 15:39

Maybe he didnt realise that it would download to all devices? I wouldnt

Original poster
iFurious · 27/05/2014 15:39

I get the impression from his texts that he thinks I'm making a big deal out of nothing. I think that downloading explicit material onto devices that your children can access is a big deal.

OP posts:
Original poster
iFurious · 27/05/2014 15:42

All the devices have been linked to the same account for years.

OP posts:
MollyHooper · 27/05/2014 15:43

DH doesn't seem to get why I am so fucked off

Yes he does, he's just being a dick about it.

It's way easier to pretend that it's no big deal than admit you fucked up massively.

Tell him to grow up and make sure it never happens.

4seasons · 27/05/2014 15:46

I would go apeshit if this happened to me wether it downloaded onto all our electronic devices or not . It sounds absolutely vile and I would wipe the floor with him! Still, each to his own. You sound pretty grounded and tolerant so wait until he comes home, take him somewhere private and give it to him with both barrels .... no innuendo intended.

CorusKate · 27/05/2014 15:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
iFurious · 27/05/2014 15:50

I'm actually surprised at how angry I am. I always thought I was pretty "right on" when it came to porn, but the idea of my underage kids being exposed to it has really pissed me off.

OP posts:
CorusKate · 27/05/2014 15:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Aseaandthreestars · 27/05/2014 15:55

YANBU at all. Perhaps you could ask him if he thinks it's legal to provide porn to children.

Original poster
iFurious · 27/05/2014 15:57

Corus not PG rated at all! The "family" account is precisely that - the general account that all family appropriate apos, music and films are made from. The children aren't old enough to make or fund purchases themselves so of course they don't have their own accounts yet. I haven't bothered with a separate account to date because I don't really feel the need to download anal sex erotica on a regular basis.

OP posts:
mommy2ash · 27/05/2014 15:59

am i weird for finding it funny. clearly it was an accident, you hardly married and had children with a man who would dowload porn to his kids electronic devices. maybe its time for separate accounts. i think its weird all the accounts are linked. i don't think its worth getting angry about.

CorusKate · 27/05/2014 16:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Yambabe · 27/05/2014 16:06

I am more Shock that your DH is paying for his porn on iTunes when there is so much available on t'internet for free.....

WowserBowser · 27/05/2014 16:10

You are very funny op Grin

Yes, he's been an absolute buffoon but he didn't do it on purpose. If you're ok with porn then it's not something i would ltb over.

Obviously it would have been a different story if the kids saw it.

Original poster
iFurious · 27/05/2014 16:12

Well, I'm one of those old fogeys that still buys DVDs and hard copies of books for myself. The family account is for general stuff, hence it being the family account. In any case, why didn't DH create his own account for his wank fodder? It's not that fucking difficult and certainly less idiotic than using your general iTunes.

OP posts:
WowserBowser · 27/05/2014 16:13

Yambabe that's what i used to think when people used to come in to the shop i worked in and purchased porn mags for £6.99.

Original poster
iFurious · 27/05/2014 16:17

So, do I let it go with a "Silly you!" or rip him a new one when he gets home? His blasé attitude is really fucking me off.

OP posts:
Itsfab · 27/05/2014 16:17

YANBU and the poster trying to make out there is something wrong with you for having a family account when your children aren't old enough to download anything themselves is an idiot.

Itsfab · 27/05/2014 16:26

Tell him that. It is more about his attitude than anything else but if his child HAD seen it and told the school HE would have been in deep shit.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 27/05/2014 16:27

Oh, I'd definitely rip him a new one. Might put him off bum-sex wank-fodder for a bit...

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 27/05/2014 16:29

I would change the password on the account right now and not give it to him until he returns. You can have a family account for shared stuff but also a personal account.
He has been a total pillock, and YANBU. Presumably he won't be the person sitting in front of the school head explaining why there was porn on his kid's devices?