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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH, iTunes and "erotica"

132 replies

iFurious · 27/05/2014 15:28

Name changing regular because I'm embarrassed, although I'm not the one who should be feeling the shame.

DH left on a business trip at the weekend. This morning I woke up to a lovely email receipt, large as life on the (always open) general email address to which our family iTunes account is registered, on the family computer in the kitchen for a newly purchased audiobook entitled, "Do it! I want it in my ass!: A first anal sex erotica story."

WTF, I think, our iTunes account must have been hacked. Quick check of the iMac, my iPad and the kids' iPads (we all share the same account) reveals that this marvellous piece of literature has downloaded onto all our devices. Quick text to DH and I get this lovely reply, "Sorry, that was me. It was crap anyway!" Absolutely no recognition of the fact that I'm not remotely concerned that his wank fodder wasn't up to scratch but that the fuckwit thought it was ok to download this stuff onto the family account with no thought as to whether it would reach the kids' devices or what would happen if it did.

Our youngest is 8. WTF would he have thought if he'd listened to it? Our older kids have to take a device to school. The terms of the school's internet and electronic media policy would have meant suspension at the very least if the material had been seen by a teacher.
To top it all off, at dinner time, a little notification comes through that "Dirty Secrets and Filthy Fantasies" is now available for me to download in iBooks. Cue another frantic scrabble to make sure the kids don't end up with it on their devices.
AIBU? DH doesn't seem to get why I am so fucked off. It's not so much the material or spending money on something that was by his own admission pretty shite, it's the utter thoughtlessness of using our family account and leaving me to sort it all out.
He thinks I'm overreacting. I'd quite like to suggest that he reads a chapter of "I want it in my ass!" to the kids and see what they would have made of it had they opened the file inadvertently. He's not due home for a couple of days and clearly thinks this will be ok with a couple of "sorry" texts. What should I do?

OP posts:
BlackDaisies · 27/05/2014 22:38

Sometimes it feels like you've wandered into a parallel universe reading a thread like this. (Where people seem to find it really funny that an 8 year old had a graphically titled story about anal sex downloaded onto their school device). Personally I think it's a horrific mistake he's made. It's made all the worse by his complete lack of understanding or care about what he's done.

SmiteYouWithThunderbolts · 27/05/2014 22:46

If his reaction had been "Holy shit! It never crossed my mind that it would show up on their iPads too. I'm so sorry, it won't happen again." we would be having a very different discussion, or quite possibly the thread wouldn't have been posted at all.

His stupid attitude towards a monumental fuck-up is just as bad - no, worse - as the mistake itself. And I am being generous in presuming it was a mistake and he didn't knowingly download adult material in full awareness that the family would have access to it too.

LadyOfSomewhereElse · 27/05/2014 22:47

Someone mentioned Anais Ninn as being classy Shock Shock

Anais Ninn is definitely not classy, Shock descriptions of adults having sex with children and descriptions of young boys being 'gang banged' by force can not possibly be described as anything other than sick and disgusting. There is no context for her 'stories' they are written with the sole purpose of arousing the sicko's who read it.

EmptyNestAgain · 27/05/2014 22:56

No, YANBU. I would be livid too.

" What should I do?"

  1. Change the password to the iTunes account, preventing him from doing this for a third time.
  2. Email him along the lines of AnyFucker's post outlining just how big a deal it is.
  3. Rip him a new one on his return.

^^^
This

AnyFucker · 27/05/2014 23:01

OP, you ok ? Any more contact with him ?

MrRedAndBlue · 27/05/2014 23:21

my partner reads a fair bit or erotic fiction - she'd be horrified if anyone suggested to her that she reads porn

AnyFucker · 27/05/2014 23:22

So ?

MrRedAndBlue · 27/05/2014 23:24

and if anyone is interested in the book referred to in the OP you can also download it from amazon

www.amazon.co.uk/DO-IT-WANT-IN-ASS-ebook/dp/B0084NVQ3A

MrsWedgeAntilles · 27/05/2014 23:32

OP, I work in an area where we see a lot of child protection issues. If this was the story of one of my under 16 clients, that they'd had access to this kind of material I'd be raising it as a CP issue. My thought process would be possible grooming, desensitisation, that kind of thing.
I'm absolutely not suggesting that this is going on in your family for one minute and I can't be more clear about that but its good for your DH to know that his actions would raise a concern.

Parental attitude to this kind of thing is also an other reason why I would refer to the child protect team. It might interest him to know that him giving it "its not a big deal" alone would raise some exclamation marks for me and make me want this to be investigated further.

Once again I cannot make it clear enough that from your story it doesn't sound as though this is anything other than a stupid mistake but sadly the people who are harming children come out with the same kinds of story to cover their actions and so it couldn't just be brushed off if it had come to light . It would come out on investigation but I can't imagine you would want to go through that.

AnyFucker · 27/05/2014 23:41

From the horse's mouth (as it were) ^

Toadinthehole · 28/05/2014 00:28

I expect the average horse has better things to do.

AnyFucker · 28/05/2014 00:34

That poster is a liar then ?

Original poster
iFurious · 28/05/2014 00:40

Thanks everyone for your input. I'm waiting for H to get back in a couple of days. Still not sure what to do but I'm reassured that most posters understand why I'm angry - not the material itself, per se, but the idiocy of potentially exposing the DC to it and leaving me to sort it out. He's now very much aware of how pissed off I am.

OP posts:
SolidGoldBrass · 28/05/2014 00:42

Really does go to show what a bad idea it is not to have a separate account for adults in the household.

CorusKate · 28/05/2014 00:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Caitlin17 · 28/05/2014 00:55

You are right to be very cross. I hope you've changed the password.

Not particularly relevant but don't you all get fed up having everyone's stuff on everyone's gadgets?

ComposHat · 28/05/2014 01:11

and if anyone is interested in the book referred to in the OP you can also download it from amazon

Written by Debbie Brownstone!!!!! By clicking on that link I will now have third rate erotic fiction popping up in my 'recommended for you' well it will make a change from cat toys and drippy indiepop albums from the 80s which it normally is.

CorusKate · 28/05/2014 01:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PrincessBabyCat · 28/05/2014 02:41

Written by Debbie Brownstone!!!!! By clicking on that link I will now have third rate erotic fiction popping up in my 'recommended for you' well it will make a change from cat toys and drippy indiepop albums from the 80s which it normally is.

You can delete your search history on amazon so that it doesn't show up on recommended. I did not find that out by finding out there were all manner of sex toys on amazon

PrincessBabyCat · 28/05/2014 02:52

I would say put a foot up his ass, but he might like that. I'm not checking for X posts on that joke. I'm just not.

It's pretty funny on this side of the computer screen. But then, it's always funnier when it's not happening to you.

I don't care if your youngest is 30, no one deserves to find out what their father's wank fodder is. Ask him how he'd feel if he found out what type of material his father whipped it out for. Gag.

Make sure he understands why you're upset. He shouldn't be DLing adult material on the family account where his kids could get it.

ComposHat · 28/05/2014 03:09

Cheers for the tip, I may have to do that.

I wonder who narrated the audiobook version of 'DO IT! I WANT IT IN MY ASS? the op's husband bought.

Please say it is either a)Steve Davis b) Brian Sewell or c) The Reverend Ian Paisley. Any of those three reading wonderful prose like:

'She had experimented with a woman once in college and it had been an astounding adventure, but she hadn’t been with a woman since and it seemed a little strange with her friend. But when Amanda pulled at her pants and yanked them down her legs and off, the excitement that raced through her tossed all her objections aside.'

Would be hilarious!

Toadinthehole · 28/05/2014 03:24

"Her body said let's go. But her heart said Ulster Says No".

MollyHooper · 28/05/2014 04:21

Compos ew...

I can't think what is worse. Your insightful narrative or the thought of Ian Paisley whistling it out loud.

Boak.

ComposHat · 28/05/2014 05:41

Not my words Molly but directly from Miss Brownstone's magnum opus DO IT! I WANT IT IN MY ASS,

Toad that made me roar with laughter!

MrRedAndBlue · 28/05/2014 06:52

Composhat
"Written by Debbie Brownstone!!!!! By clicking on that link I will now have third rate erotic fiction popping up in my 'recommended for you' well it will make a change from cat toys and drippy indiepop albums from the 80s which it normally is."

indeed - and the point being that the story downloaded by the OP's husband is the kind of thing easily available from the likes of itunes and amazon - we're not talking hardcore porn. For people to suggest this is some major child protection issue is - imho - ridiculous.

It was a mistake that is easily rectified. No harm has been done.

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