DH, iTunes and "erotica"

[iFurious]

Name changing regular because I'm embarrassed, although I'm not the one who should be feeling the shame.

DH left on a business trip at the weekend. This morning I woke up to a lovely email receipt, large as life on the (always open) general email address to which our family iTunes account is registered, on the family computer in the kitchen for a newly purchased audiobook entitled, "Do it! I want it in my ass!: A first anal sex erotica story."

WTF, I think, our iTunes account must have been hacked. Quick check of the iMac, my iPad and the kids' iPads (we all share the same account) reveals that this marvellous piece of literature has downloaded onto all our devices. Quick text to DH and I get this lovely reply, "Sorry, that was me. It was crap anyway!" Absolutely no recognition of the fact that I'm not remotely concerned that his wank fodder wasn't up to scratch but that the fuckwit thought it was ok to download this stuff onto the family account with no thought as to whether it would reach the kids' devices or what would happen if it did.

Our youngest is 8. WTF would he have thought if he'd listened to it? Our older kids have to take a device to school. The terms of the school's internet and electronic media policy would have meant suspension at the very least if the material had been seen by a teacher.
To top it all off, at dinner time, a little notification comes through that "Dirty Secrets and Filthy Fantasies" is now available for me to download in iBooks. Cue another frantic scrabble to make sure the kids don't end up with it on their devices.
AIBU? DH doesn't seem to get why I am so fucked off. It's not so much the material or spending money on something that was by his own admission pretty shite, it's the utter thoughtlessness of using our family account and leaving me to sort it all out.
He thinks I'm overreacting. I'd quite like to suggest that he reads a chapter of "I want it in my ass!" to the kids and see what they would have made of it had they opened the file inadvertently. He's not due home for a couple of days and clearly thinks this will be ok with a couple of "sorry" texts. What should I do?

I think your DH is probably a bit embarrassed underneath, and breezing through it all.

The solution is simple: set him up an iTunes account called 'wankfodder' with a password like 'notsuitableforfamilyviewing' and email him the details, with a request that he downloads to this in future. He'll get the message!

I take it he didn't see that Channel 4 documentary on what easy access to porn is doing to kids these days? Porn on the Brain. It was edifying.

On the one hand - it's a bit funny. I'd tease him forever about it.

On the other hand - it's not funny and I'd be furious

I second the " rip him a new one " suggestion !

YANBU at all what on earth was he thinking?!

Men as usual don't think with their heads when it comes to sex! Just get account sorted and try to laugh the other off. If you don't laugh they still do it but hide it! Just think idiot kids and you will have sussed men in general. (Learnt this long ago during 54 years of marriage).

Tread thanks for that - I've looked up the programme and it seems very interesting. Will watch it all later.

One of the DC was asking about sex last week. I like to think that I'm age appropriate and factual. It's a very long way though from educated and informed to "anal sex is so normal and mainstream we have stories about it on the iPad." Actually, I'd rather my DDs weren't normalised by today's porn culture into thinking that they must let boys stick a penis into their bums or else they're frigid and uncool.

Men as usual don't think with their heads when it comes to sex! Just get account sorted and try to laugh the other off.

Sorry but why the fuck is it acceptable to excuse disgusting behaviour in men on the basis that "oh he's a silly sex obsessed man, that's what they're like, in fact they're so horny they should be allowed their sexual fetishes to override common decency."

He downloaded bum porn onto his kids devices, the fact that he didn't mean to wasn't the point, HOW is this OK?! It smacks of excusing abusive and unacceptable behaviour (bum pinching and so on) on the grounds that men can't control their urges

It's probably on youtube. I'm at work so I can't see if it's still on 4oD. I'd suggest watching it with him - the documentary maker used to be the editor of Loaded or Nuts - one of those type mags so fairly unshockable you would think. He was horrified.

Alternatively I'm fairly sure you could remotely lock your husbands ipad if he's got secure software on there in case it gets stolen.......

Bum porn? I thought it was an erotic novel rather than a porno?

The bloke was thoughtless but then it just goes to show he didn't feel the need to keep it secret from his wife, even if he forgot about the kids.

Joysmum potato potahto

It's still pornographic (or pornoaudio perhaps?!!?) material and he rang the risk of his children seeing it.

OP I'd say rip him a new one too but he'd probably like it

I'm really surprised at the replies here.

'Bum porn!'

'Laugh it off!'

'Ooh how thoughtless...'

I wonder what the replies would have been had your OP been 'What do I do - audio porn receipt seen by teacher on 8 year old's device, school have contacted social services' ?

Because they would have done. No doubt. What would your DH be saying to them then? 'Sorry about that - it was crap anyway?' Ooh snigger. How thoughtless. Yeah.

Change the password and lock him out. If he has the audacity to call and complain when he can't download some more reading material, tell him to set up his own private account for the 18-rated material.

And still tear him a new one when he gets home.

It's still pornographic (or pornoaudio)

Or Pordio.

Obviously this has had unintended consequences, but from an outsiders perspective, it did make me snort with laughter.

When he gets back, why not great him holding a 12" strap on and say, 'I saw the book and had no idea you were so keen to have your first anal sex experience, now get upstairs and bend over.'

He clearly made a mistake, he clearly did not mean to download this on to his kids account, it was found and deleted before any of the kids had seen so in my eyes no harm done. Apart from saying sorry what do you expect him to do?

Change the email.

The first time was a mistake. What about the second!

Magoria- the second was a notification from iTunes (a bit like you bought one book, why not buy similar), wasn't the husband downloading another.

What he's done is the modern day equivalent of going into his sons and daughters room and placed quite nasty material on their bed.

Then when you told him his mistake, he went and did it again.

Its not a brush off laughing matter, if he can't manage the accounts he shouldn't be using iTunes.

I second changing the account password on the family account.

So a bit of a panic but no harm done and in all honesty, the risks were not high.
A teacher is highly unlikely to have ever come across it.
The kids are unlikely to notice it and even if they did, they're unlikely to listen to it, and even if they did, they would have to get past a boring introduction before they got to anything pornographic (no audio erotic book goes straight into the action)

He's been a bit of a prat for not realising the family account would sync all devices, but there was no harm intended and none actually caused.

Tell him to set up his own account. I'm sure it won't happen again.

What he's done is the modern day equivalent of going into his sons and daughters room and placed quite nasty material on their bed

It really isn't though is it?

It is like taking a jazz mag into the loo, cracking one off and accidentally leaving it in the loo and then retrieving the jazz mag before anyone saw it.

No - the OP removed it, not the fuckwit DH. On that analogy.

Well yeah alright then the wife removed it without any young eyes being cast over it. Careless but a world away from deliberately placing porn in a child's bedroom with the intention they should read it.

I expect school would have been very interested in young children being exposed to porn by their father. Cue quick referral to NSPCC and Social Services, and your lovely DH finds himself investigated for sexual offences against minors and signing the sex Offender's Register for a few years.

Yep, hilarious and not a very "big deal" at all