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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH, iTunes and "erotica"

132 replies

iFurious · 27/05/2014 15:28

Name changing regular because I'm embarrassed, although I'm not the one who should be feeling the shame.

DH left on a business trip at the weekend. This morning I woke up to a lovely email receipt, large as life on the (always open) general email address to which our family iTunes account is registered, on the family computer in the kitchen for a newly purchased audiobook entitled, "Do it! I want it in my ass!: A first anal sex erotica story."

WTF, I think, our iTunes account must have been hacked. Quick check of the iMac, my iPad and the kids' iPads (we all share the same account) reveals that this marvellous piece of literature has downloaded onto all our devices. Quick text to DH and I get this lovely reply, "Sorry, that was me. It was crap anyway!" Absolutely no recognition of the fact that I'm not remotely concerned that his wank fodder wasn't up to scratch but that the fuckwit thought it was ok to download this stuff onto the family account with no thought as to whether it would reach the kids' devices or what would happen if it did.

Our youngest is 8. WTF would he have thought if he'd listened to it? Our older kids have to take a device to school. The terms of the school's internet and electronic media policy would have meant suspension at the very least if the material had been seen by a teacher.
To top it all off, at dinner time, a little notification comes through that "Dirty Secrets and Filthy Fantasies" is now available for me to download in iBooks. Cue another frantic scrabble to make sure the kids don't end up with it on their devices.
AIBU? DH doesn't seem to get why I am so fucked off. It's not so much the material or spending money on something that was by his own admission pretty shite, it's the utter thoughtlessness of using our family account and leaving me to sort it all out.
He thinks I'm overreacting. I'd quite like to suggest that he reads a chapter of "I want it in my ass!" to the kids and see what they would have made of it had they opened the file inadvertently. He's not due home for a couple of days and clearly thinks this will be ok with a couple of "sorry" texts. What should I do?

OP posts:
magpiegin · 27/05/2014 19:35

It was a mistake. A stupid mistake but a mistake none the less. Would someone be put on the sex offenders register for leaving a copy of 50 shades on the side?

I remember finding an erotic book when I was a child (my own fault for snooping). It happens, it didn't traumatise me- just one of those things!

ziggiestardust · 27/05/2014 19:37

mag I totally agree. There's a lot of hand wringing going on here.

BrunoBrookesDinedAlone · 27/05/2014 19:44

No no no. It's not about porn per se.

He was utterly careless about leaving something harmful and illegal for the children where it could be accessed by them and worse, where it could have easily been accessed by a teacher and had serious repercussions for the family. And he can't see that that is bad.

And as for it being different because it's erotica/an audiobook: the problem is that here's what popped up for the OP to view this morning:

'a lovely email receipt, large as life on the (always open) general email address to which our family iTunes account is registered, on the family computer in the kitchen for a newly purchased audiobook entitled, "Do it! I want it in my ass!: A first anal sex erotica story."

So, 8 year old DD goes into school with her device, and that's the title of an audiobook in the latest downloads folder. Not a potential problem?

And 'they probably wouldn;t bother to open it' - the OP's youngest is 8. We don't know how old the others are, but with a title like that? Well. I wonder if they would have opened it or not. If the eldest is 10 - maybe not. If they are 12-14... well, what do you think?

But essentially it's not about porn. It's about putting them in harms way. Porn on their laptops, paracetamol left accessible, leaving the power drill left plugged in in reach of the toddler... All stupid. All something a good parent is horrified at. Not giggling.

BrunoBrookesDinedAlone · 27/05/2014 19:45

'And... It was an accident. I'm pretty sure the teacher would have realised the mistake!'

They wouldn't have had the option to realise anything. They'd be required by law to lodge it with safeguarding.

AnyFucker · 27/05/2014 19:49

Strangely enough, some people are quite "bothered" when it comes to safeguarding children. Just as well really, when there are some others who think this bloke's right to pull one off to porn over rides the well being of his children.

AnyFucker · 27/05/2014 19:50

A mistake twice

WilsonFrickett · 27/05/2014 19:54

Oh come on, I am totally anti-porn but erotic fiction isn't porn.

Yes, he was a total tit for downloading it to all devices, but even my DH (nickname techygeek) didn't realise that everything he downloaded on iTunes went to all accounts and devices.

(although the last thing he downloaded was a truck driving game, I feel I should point out.)

magpiegin · 27/05/2014 19:55

I am happy for the OP to correct me, but I got the impression the 2nd notification was from ITunes telling them of a similar product not the husband downloading. I may be wrong but it was the impression I got.

MostWicked · 27/05/2014 19:57

Even if a safe guarding issue was raised (which it wasn't), it would be dismissed very quickly when the mistake was explained.

There are no age restrictions on erotic audio books. It is not porn, there has been no offence. The notion that he would end up on the sex offenders register is absurd.

How many mums have been prosecuted for having 50 shades available where the kids could pick it up and read it? What exactly is the difference apart from the title?

MostWicked · 27/05/2014 19:57

Even if a safe guarding issue was raised (which it wasn't), it would be dismissed very quickly when the mistake was explained.

There are no age restrictions on erotic audio books. It is not porn, there has been no offence. The notion that he would end up on the sex offenders register is absurd.

How many mums have been prosecuted for having 50 shades available where the kids could pick it up and read it? What exactly is the difference apart from the title?

MostWicked · 27/05/2014 19:57

Even if a safe guarding issue was raised (which it wasn't), it would be dismissed very quickly when the mistake was explained.

There are no age restrictions on erotic audio books. It is not porn, there has been no offence. The notion that he would end up on the sex offenders register is absurd.

How many mums have been prosecuted for having 50 shades available where the kids could pick it up and read it? What exactly is the difference apart from the title?

ziggiestardust · 27/05/2014 20:02

This isn't damaging any child's wellbeing!! At all!

MostWicked · 27/05/2014 20:05

Strange posting gremlins repeating posts.

matildasquared · 27/05/2014 20:08

Okay, but it wasn't a mistake, right?

This isn't some newfangled system you've devised. Presumably you've all downloaded material on this system before so you all know how it works. He wanted to read what he wanted to read and couldn't be bothered to safeguard his kids.

And anyway the analogy with the erotica novel doesn't wash. It's not like he left a novel out carelessly--it's as if he dropped a copy in each of their school bookbags and left his wife to frantically fish them out.

Gen35 · 27/05/2014 20:09

What bothers me is that your dh isn't ashamed - his daughters could have easily seen it, he's just bloody lucky they didn't, they'd certainly be scarred if they had. If my dh had accidentally done this, I'd expect him to have realised, immediately freaked out and setup a new account while being abjectly sorry it happened. He's a d1ck because he's not bothered...

Ubik1 · 27/05/2014 20:15

Frankly he could have downloaded a copy of Lolita or Fanny Hill... or 50 Shades left on the sunlounger, picked up by the nine year old. Erotic fiction is not pornography. It's a bit hysterical to treat it in the same way you would hardcore magazines or films.

But in the end you need to impress on him the repercussions of this sort of thing. He should be more discreet.

And he should get his own account.

matildasquared · 27/05/2014 20:18

Wait, it's the wife's fault because she has failed to impress upon him that downloading dirty books to their kids' personal devices is wrong?

And she's hysterical.

No misogyny here. Move along.

Ubik1 · 27/05/2014 20:20

FGS Hmm

hesterton · 27/05/2014 20:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SolidGoldBrass · 27/05/2014 21:54

This is, actually, a mistake a woman could just as easily have made. Lots of women read erotic literature on kindles/tablets etc. And erotic fiction (whether it's well written or badly written, romantic or misogynistic, literary classic or utter crap) is not, actually, restricted or illegal. Many people have books of erotic fiction in the house, not necessarily under lock and key, which their DC might actually pick up and look through.

AnyFucker · 27/05/2014 22:06

Yeah, sure a woman could have done this. And ?

SolidGoldBrass · 27/05/2014 22:10

And would people be screaming about child protection and the sex offenders register if it had been the mother who had downloaded one of the Brit Babes anthologies?

matildasquared · 27/05/2014 22:21

And what if... what if...

What if people responded to the question at hand?

AnyFucker · 27/05/2014 22:25

Number one, I am not screaming. Number two, if a woman did this I would say the same thing. Fucking irresponsible, potentially damaging to the kids and could very easily bring a shitstorm down on the family. For what ? A cheeky tug/rub ? Pathetic.

LadyOfSomewhereElse · 27/05/2014 22:35

If your DC have iPads/IPhones etc then you should have all adult content blocked. You can choose the age rating for all sorts of categories in Restrictions. You should also have some sort of parental security such as BT's Parental Controls on your home network and some sort of controls on your children's non Apple devices.

The info on how to do it is ON THIS THREAD.

No one can download porn (or erotica) in my house :-)