To ask my dad for this money?

[Writerwannabe83]

First off I will just say that the money is for the benefit of his grandchildren (my sister's children) and it is £500.

Background: my parents have been divorced for 25 years, all very amicable, they are friends, do favours for each other, dad has Christmas dinner at my mom's etc. My mom isn't particularly well off financially (20k salary) whereas my dad has quite a indulgent lifestyle (55k salary).

My sister has two children (aged 8 and 6) and every year my mom saves up to take them on a weeks holiday in the UK somewhere. She typically undertakes a 2nd job (usually delivering phone books) to help pay for it and give the children some spending money. My sister is in a bad financial situation and the only chance her children get to have a holiday is when our mom takes them.

My dad, despite earning almost 3x my moms salary has never offered to take the children away or help towards the cost of the holidays my mom takes them on. He himself takes a minimum of 4 holidays abroad every year.

The children have had a really shit year as things have been horrendous at home and after 10 years of being together my sister left their emotionally and financially abusive father. The kids have adapted amazingly, they are brilliant children.

Due to my sister's childminder taking their own personal holiday it means my sister has got to take a week unpaid leave from work during the summer to look after the children. She is upset and worried about doing so as missing a weeks wage will be very difficult for her. I suggested to my mom that maybe she and I could take the children away for a week as a nice treat for them as a reward for dealing so well with their parents's split - they both had to move area and change schools. However, my mom has already taken them away earlier this year and she said she just can't afford to do it again as much as she'd like to.

I have decided to ask my dad if he will pay for it. He knows I'm visiting him tomorrow and that I'm after money (we were having jokey texts about it) in order to benefit his grandchildren but he doesn't know the details.

It's hard seeing my mom, the grandparent with easily the least amount of money (paternal grandparents included) putting herself through financial hardship each year in order to do something for her grandchildren when nobody else will. I kind of thing that maybe it's my dad's turn to help out when financially it is nothing to him.

He's not known for being very generous with his money at all.

I'm hoping that because it's for the sake of his grandchildren he might be different. I'm not convinced though.

AIBU to even ask?

As a reward for coping well with the split doesn't sit right with me.

Just do it as it is a nice thing to do.

Kids go to you and your mum moves in to help? Day trips, picnic in the park, etc . Doesn't have to cost a lot and your father might be more willing to give £100 rather than £500.

If you and your mum can afford to pay for yourselves to go then why dont just one of you take the dcs an both of you share the cost, you could also do glamping instead of a hotel or b and b to bring cost down.

What is your combined budget without your dad contributing? I'm sure MNers could come up with someong that fits the bill.

These threads are always just bewildering to me. Families should be there to help each other. I see nothing wrong with asking your father for the money.

And as for the "children don't need holidays" comment, well, I'd say there are plenty of things children don't "need", but that life would be rather miserable without.

Me too KeinBock.

I think it is a reasonable request and he can say no if he wants to.

I find the "you've chosen to have your kids and now you should stand alone" attitude on MN really odd. I know that grandparents aren't obliged to help out, but I hope to be a GP one day and will do what I can because I love my child and will love hers too. My DD's GPs adore her and are only happy to be asked for help. I have asked them to do things that MN would crucify me for. And they have said yes and made it clear that they were pleased to be asked.

Of course it's reasonable to ask him. In real life, most families are happy to help each other out and don't expect people to cope alone simply because they've got children.

The family are helping though, they are stepping in so the sister can work to provide childcare.

There is just no need to tap their dad for money as they fancy a week away as the children can't spend a week together at home apparently. Quite how they survive the school holidays is beyond me.

I'd help out as a grandparent but if my son or DIL asked me to pay for a second holiday I'd laugh. Talk about entitled.

I give up. All me and my mom want to do is something nice for the children and I was going to ask my dad to help finance it.

Clearly me and my mom are horrendously entitled and selfish as opposed to just wanting to help my sister and take the children away for the week.

Thank you to everyone who made supportive and constructive responses and suggestions as opposed to judgemental ones.

I say ask him, what's the worst he can say. I get what you are saying about taking them away and giving your sister a break. I hope he surprises you and says yes, he is their grandfather after all.

Why post if your going to get stroppy if people don't agree with you?

I don't mind people disagreeing with me at all - I just don't like it when accusations are made about me, my mom and the 'spoilt' grandchildren.

We just want to take them away for their sake and my sister's sake and I was going to ask my dad if he'll help me and my mom pay for it.

There's nothing sinister, nasty or entitled about it.

Perhaps because she didn't imagine being puked apart for trying to do something nice Chipped.

And I see the magic word "entitled" has been thrown in. I wondered when that was going to turn up.

Writer, you've done nothing wrong at all and it isn't unreasonable to ask your Dad.

Oh dear, autocorrect fail. I mean pulled apart.

If you want to do something nice that's fine but usually you fund the offer yourself not ask somebody else. Your dad has already supported you and you sister as adults yet you still want more.

Two children's places in the UK won't cost £500 so I suspect the grandad would be paying for more than just the children.

They don't need a second holiday, plenty of treats are free and just as enjoyable.

£500 seems a lot for two children to go on holiday, given that the adults are paying their own way. Do you plan to fly? What about driving to self-catering accommodation (caravan etc)? The cost for petrol would be the same for 2 adults or 2 adults, 2 children and a baby, and presumably accommodation would be about the same for you all to go as for the adults' share?

Can't we just leave it to the OP's dad to decide whether it's too much?

Kirako - your post suggests that the OP and her mum have a holiday planned and the children are just an add on. No one is going on holiday at all if the kids don't go, so suggesting that the additional cost of the children is minimal doesn't make sense.

The plan is to rent a cottage for the week and the £500 is the residual cost after what me and my can afford to pay taking into account our petrol fees, spending money for the children, money to pay for activities when we are down there and the money to buy food for the week (it's self catering).

I honestly don't expect my dad to pay but I'm just going to see what he says. We just want to take the kids away and I just want to see if he'll help us pay for it. If not, we won't go and other options will be looked at.

Im glamping in august for 5 days. £235 for a 4 person cabin. As the baby is only nine weeks it would be able to sleep in moses basket so no extra cost. Petrol and food expenses on top but nowhere near £500 for 5 days.

The cottage is in Wales - it certainly isn't an extravagant holiday. Saying that, it's probably cheaper to go abroad than it is to holiday in the UK these days. We were looking at going to Butlins as I'm sure they'd love it but it's pushing £1'000 So that's definitely out the question.

i think you should ask. as you say, he might not have given it any thought and might be happy to contribute.

As an example, a week for 4 in Butlins in August is coming up as £1231. That's for 1 room. It doesn't include food or travel.

That's good sillybilly - can I ask where you went? It's something we could look at!! (Baby will be 5 months old when we go, if we do anyway).

Have you asked your sister? I'd be sad to miss out on fun times with my kids especially if they have all had a hard year.

How much would youd sister be loosing in missed wages if she took the week off?

Could you have the kids one day, your mum have them 1/2 days and give your sister the 500 pounds to cover lost wages and to go out and have some nice day trips with her dc? If you have a reasonable budget to give thechildren a nice time you could spend that budget on a trip to a theme park, zoo, cinema and meals out.

I assume you and your mum would be at least splitting the holiday 4 ways, so that would mean 1000 pounds being spent on preventing a 6 and 8 year old from getting bored. You could have a reasonably enjoyable 5 days locally for 100 pounds!

Exactly Sue - I was so shocked when my mom told me after she'd researched it. I had no idea it would be so much. It genuinely shocked me.

Sorry haven't RTFT,

I think you are totally within your rights to ask, I'm sure he would understand that it's a nice thing to do to help his daughter out who would get a bit of a break with them away on holiday...and nice for his gc who have had a rough time. Best of all he hasn't got to do annything, just donate a bit of cash.