Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About SIL wedding

78 replies

Harrycarry · 24/05/2014 22:39

DP sister is getting married later this year. My dd has been asked to be a bridesmaid along with dneice (ages 7 and 4) .

Of course dd is delighted to be asked and is really looking forward to it. SIL has bought lovely dresses for them to wear and she can't wait.

AIBU to feel a bit put out for my ds (age 5) that he has not been included?
Obviously he would not be a bridesmaid, but he has been ignored completely, as has dnephew, although he is much younger so prob won't know what's going on anyway.

I understand that it's her wedding and she can do what she likes but I feel that he has been excluded from the wedding party simply because he is a boy and feel sad for him.

I am not planning to make an issue of this. DP doesn't seem to mind at all and doesn't really understand why I'm bothered about it.

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 24/05/2014 22:40

I also don't understand

Maybe they don't want pageboys? It's their wedding

littlegreengloworm · 24/05/2014 22:41

Hi harry

Fair enough, I understand you feel he's left out but please try to keep it to yourself. It's hard to please everyone whilst planning a wedding and its ok to feel it but very unpleasant to mention it I feel.

CarolineKnappShappey · 24/05/2014 22:41

Yabu.

The bridesmaid thing is far more common than page boy etc.

CarolineKnappShappey · 24/05/2014 22:42

I also think page boys are a bit naff. And reckon he would be happier not doing it.

ChampagneTastes · 24/05/2014 22:44

Erm, I realise this is about to turn into a bit of a brawl but I got married with my two nieces as bridesmaids and my nephew having no proper role. My DS got him a suit in the colours of the bridal party (which was lovely - I didn't know she was going to, I hadn't even thought of it) and he ran about photo-bombing everyone. He was five - he loved it. My nieces had a fabulous time.

You can't please all of the people all of the time, particularly when it comes to weddings.

foolonthehill · 24/05/2014 22:45

I understand but think it need not be a big issue. Buy him a nice outfit if he will enjoy dressing up and give him a decorated horse-shoe (or whatever floats his boat and is in your culture) to present to the bride as his special contribution.

I expect she just thought the girls would enjoy pretty dresses etc and that it is not such a boy thing.

FWIW my daughters were asked to be flower girls at my cousin's wedding...2 had complete melt down moments at the look of the church and my (older) DS ended up standing in for them anyway and accompanying his older sister.....he is a clown and coped with sprinkling the flower petals with humour and played to the crowd but I'm not sure it was quite what the bride had envisaged!!! Grin

itiswhatitiswhatitis · 24/05/2014 22:46

I'm guessing it's more a case of it hasn't occurred to her to have page boys rather than a deliberate decision to exclude boys. Think you are being a bit over sensitive tbh.

MimiSunshine · 24/05/2014 22:46

At 5 will your son really understand or care that he's not a pageboy? How would even know what one is or does?

Pageboys are far less common, they've left their own son out and would a. 5yr old enjoy walking down the aisle plus putting on a suit is far less exciting than a pretty dress that I'm assuming your DD will get to keep for dressing up how many times does a. 5yr old play in a suit ? but it'll only be an issue if you make it one so YABU

YouTheCat · 24/05/2014 22:46

Is your ds even bothered? I'd bet not.

My dd was a bridesmaid for one of my brothers many years ago. Her twin brother wasn't a page boy. He wasn't bothered and wouldn't have enjoyed it at all.

Chocotrekkie · 24/05/2014 22:46

Maybe she can't afford to buy him and dn a matching page boy outfit as well ?

Would he be happy wearing a full suit and having to stand in a certain place etc ??

itiswhatitiswhatitis · 24/05/2014 22:47

Yes put him in a nice suit give him a disposable camera he'll be made up!

feathermucker · 24/05/2014 22:49

YABU

Entirely up to them.

littlegreengloworm · 24/05/2014 22:49

Yes'm it's an oversight. She wouldn't think it would matter. To be honest, it doesn't to him I'd imagine.

CoffeeTea103 · 24/05/2014 22:49

This is about you not your DS. Don't make an issue because their isn't one. Be glad that she's included your dd along with the other girls. Yabu

TheTerribleBaroness · 24/05/2014 22:49

But then by your definition EVERYONE has been completely excluded from the wedding - except the three bridesmaids. And I doubt that DS even cares.

longtallsally2 · 24/05/2014 22:51

Oh dear, is that your dp's sister posting above?

If your ds is likely to feel left out then YANBU to feel a little sad for him and mention it here. We all use MN to explore how we feel and how to manage the many situations as parents which we encounter for the first time.

However, the bride has the right to organise her wedding as she wants and to include or leave out whomever she wants. Hopefully you can let your dd get on with her duties, and help your ds to enjoy the day - a disposable camera is a great idea.

Pimpf · 24/05/2014 22:52

Yabvvvvvu

For gods sake, get a grip. Let you dd enjoy herself, I'm sure your ds will too if you don't project your disappointment onto him

Ronmione · 24/05/2014 22:52

Yanbu, I can understand why you are a bit upset. But don't dwell on it.

Hoppinggreen · 24/05/2014 22:54

When my DD was bridesmaid for my friend last year my DS wasn't even invited ( no children wedding).
I wasn't bothered really and respected her decision. DH and DS came along to the evening do

Dieu · 24/05/2014 22:56

My sister, at her wedding, had all her flowergirls from the groom's side of the family. I have 3 daughters and it pissed me off a bit at the time that she couldn't have had a 'mix up' of flower girls from both families. However I kept my cakehole shut, as I fully recognise that you can't please everyone all of the time when it comes to weddings.

MiddleEarthBarbie · 24/05/2014 22:57

I know what you mean, but you're overthinking.

ems1910 · 24/05/2014 22:57

From a bride's POV I would have included my nephew as page boy. But in your position I wouldn't mind if my son wasn't page boy. Does that make sense?

I don't think yabu but I don't think they are either.

missingwordsround · 24/05/2014 23:08

you sound like my SIL.

She was obsessed with the idea that all of our DNieces and nephews her children would be our bridesmaids/pageboys

DP and I didn't want a large formal wedding - I didn't even have a maid/matron of honour and DP didn't have a best man. Despite this, SIL honestly believed we would still have her children as bridesmaids/pageboys!

I love my Dnieces and nephews. Not enough to change my entire personality and want a HUGE wedding day,though! Wedding days are about the couple getting married - because (hopefully) they love each other and wish to make that type of commitment. They are not about you, or your children.

so yes yabu, sorry ( you are allowed to feel sorry for your ds if he feels left out, though. so yanbu to feel sad on his behalf)

Montegomongoose · 24/05/2014 23:11

I am not planning to make an issue of this

I think you might though.

YABU

Original poster
Harrycarry · 24/05/2014 23:11

Oh dear, it appears I am completely unreasonable then!

I am certainly not going to stop my dd enjoying her day, nor am I planning to say anything to SIL.

I am simply thinking that ds may feel left out when he sees his sister and cousin being given 'jobs' to do on the day, when he hasn't.
At 5 he is old enough to notice.

I also know that my other SIL will buy dnephew a lovely outfit to match the others but we really don't have the money to do that.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread