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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think my upstairs neighbours are taking the utter...

167 replies

MoanyOldTiredMum · 24/05/2014 03:04

Forgive me this is going to be epic and humiliating so have name-changed but I need to unload and get it all out in one and it has probably been moaned about loads before.

Moved in here about 15months ago, big old building (so no soundproofing, wooden floors etc), mostly owner occupier and mostly quite elderly so quiet, look after each other and all happy to have a poorly dc to dote on. Travelled a lot last year so wasn't around every weekend and only noticed occasional gatherings upstairs that got a little loud drunk chatty but generally seemed to be not too intrusive or late. Very quiet over summer then a BIG party followed by lots of DIY type noise leading me to think new owners were in and hopefully all would quiet down after the initial housewarming, settling in and then realising that your neighbours can hear EVERYTHING!

Wrong. Every other weekend, friday night preclub party upstairs, first I know is flat filling up with people from 930pm doesn't stop til after 1am. Then back at 4am crashing about, slamming doors etc. This is on top of 4am noisy taxi deliveries to the front door on thur/sat/sun, (thurs is student night here) so 4 nights per week plus the occasional tues or wed thrown in for good measure. New Year's Eve was the tipping point when I was woken at 530am by someone coming back putting on music for half an hour then turning it off (by which point I was up with dc) then once the bells went and my other neighbours came over for a drink and left about 1am, we all went to bed and upstairs party started at 2am and went on until 530am. I was zombie mum on new year's day, and lots of saturdays after.

There was a leak in my ceiling one feb eve so I had opportunity to meet upstairs neighbour, show her my flat, point to teeny tiny dc wheelchair next to front door and heavily hint that we were being very quiet because dc is asleep. Hoped that would do it. Nope, but had contact details now from girl I met who told me she and her flatmates owned the flat, cut to the following weekend and I texted her at 1am to say my 3yo has now been up for 2 hrs so please turn off music thanks. No answer, music went off then back on quieter a little later, until after 3am. Got a message the next day apologising, she wasn't there and would ask flatmates to keep it down in future. I asked her to please come for coffee (so I can have a civil shut it type chat) and gave a couple of different times, no answer, contact stopped.

So next party I called 101, no one showed. Next party I called 101 and really insisted they come over. They did, twice, because party goers smoking outside saw them coming so when upstairs heard my door go they all went really quiet, then cheered once the noise team left (they had heard the party coming up the street anyway so went around the block and then logged it). When the noise team did go up and ask for the party to move on the students refused on account of they were going out in an hour anyway?!? They did go out an hour later (1am) but not before stamping repeatedly on the floor whilst yelling 'fuck you fuck you' all the way around the flat and into the street, really intimidating. And that was that, just advised to keep logging complaints.

The guy in the flat above theirs is the unofficial factor for the stair and called me about some repairs, whilst talking I find he is also bothered by the noise, though not quite as bad, and the rest of the neighbours in the stair are narked by the front door banging and stair noise etc.

Turns out it is a student flat upstairs from me and the flat is owned by the mother of the girl I met not the people living there, we all think maybe 4 or 5 people live there, which is more in one flat than all the other flats put together. There is no landlord listing or HMO license or anything, not familiar with the rules but it seems they consider themselves exempt. So I get the number for the owner but hesitate in calling because I figure it could go either way since I am calling a mother to complain about her child and I am not good at confrontation, hate it.

Following the noise team intervention the students up the ante by stamping, properly slamming their way about at all hours and frequently waking us all up. After a month of thinking I have no choice but to call owner I realise the plaster on my ceilings is cracked, in every single room and so I make the call.

Spoke to father first, who was mortified, then was called back by mother who was very apologetic, this year's lot of students are a lot younger than last year's phd students; any more parties and they are out etc etc. All good, and she is visitng the following week so will come and see the damage. And the only people who live there are her daughter and two others!

Between that conversation and the next, the tone completely changed and I was hearing noise from another flat perhaps, or they were good students who never went out drinking, I must be thinking of someone else Shock!?! Oh and the party the team were called too was just a little dinner party with one or two guests. The factor guy also tried to have a chat with her and got the same line, total denial. Her answer to my cracked ceilings? Oh well I have seen worse Shock !!!

Anyhoo all was good for a couple of weeks after her visit (which was to oversee floor sandings, she refused to consider carpeting, and also swapping a same size bedroom with a sitting room so that their sitting room is not above a bedroom because their bedroom is carpeted so no compromise whatsoever). I was told to contact owner directly and not council noise team in future.

Then last weekend we had a return to evening stampathons resulting in me texting owner at 10pm sun eve to ask that the students please stop banging around because dc was ill from 4th disturbed night in a row. The phone went upstairs immediately and then all quietened down so I went to sleep and was woken later by her ringing me at almost 1am to say she had just received my text and had spoken to the students and woken them up so ~I must be sensitive to noise and hearing it from another flat Angry! There were no more visitors or music or anything that could be causing a problem and obviously the students were just walking around and being as quiet as they could, blah blah blah. This went on for a bit with her totally trying to gaslight me into thinking I have a crazy imagination, lucky I was tired or the conversation would have ended very abruptly, as it was I just said mhhmm a lot and got off as soon as I could. She did relent and give me their landline to call them if they are being noisy.

Now this evening guests arrived upstairs at 1130pm, waking dc, and left about 1am when I started banging about flushing loo etc really noisily to make them realise we are awake and fuck the actual fuck off which they did eventually in staged groups, thinking they were being sneaky but the drunk high heels on wooden floors and hysterical laughter outside the front door as they scarpered kind of gives the game away, no Hmm?

I considered calling them but figure there is no point, they have no intention of stopping this and anytime I try to communicate the situation just gets worse and I can't be bothered with being woken up repeatedly whilst they try to get even or whatever it is they are doing.

I will move Sad, (I rent and the flat and other neighbours are lovely), but it won't be immediate and I need a short term solution. I am sure owner told me initially they were finished in june and there would be a new tenant but when I last spoke to her that seemed to change to september and I really don't think she can expect us all to put up with this crap until then, also I fucking object to being called a liar, (as does neighbour two up) because owner has to believe what students say and can't we see that ( Shock no I fucking can't they are overgrown nocturnal teenagers with no morals), AIBU?

And congrats if you made it this far Wine, I feel a bit better now I wrote it all down!Thanks

OP posts:
TheBogQueen · 24/05/2014 09:43

Students are the worst.

Have had to skim thread but is there an HMO licence? If not then you need to get onto the council. There should be. There should also be notice fir renewal.

Do you have a factor?

Have you contacted the university? They are sometimes very good at dealing with antisocial behaviour.

BlackeyedSusan · 24/05/2014 09:45

suggestions?

complain to her university loudly.
log all the fuck you threats to the police. they are being intimidating.
any mention of your childs disability must be noted as this will up the seriousness of the issue.
complain to the noise abatement team every time there is abig party. you have to be exceptionally annoyiong to them so they do aomething to get a bit of peace.
ask neighbours above to call as well
log every incident,
ask for recording equipment from the council to prove the noise levels.
ring the mother everytime and hoold the phone up toi the ceiling. she will get sick of being woken at three am as well.

BlackeyedSusan · 24/05/2014 09:46

wait an hour after the students go quiet and ring them and complain.

bumbumsmummy · 24/05/2014 09:47

Record the noise on several occasions on your phone and then contact the council with a diary and details

BlackeyedSusan · 24/05/2014 09:48

any smell of dope and ring the police on 101 and complain it is affecting your child. they do eventually come out in full riot gear to raid the flat downstairs if enough neighbours make a fuss. we have a lovely family in the flat downstairs now with the only smells being gorgeous spicy indian food cooking

Neverknowingly · 24/05/2014 09:51

You do not need an HMO licence for 3 people sharing a flat who have their boyfriends staying over which is what OP suggested inher post of 04.11

TheBogQueen · 24/05/2014 09:54

Hmm

You could do what FIL did which was phone landlord (parent) every time noise got too much to tell them to sort out their offspring. This was at 2,3,4am. It did work.

TheBogQueen · 24/05/2014 09:56

The university should have some sort of community officer who has to sort out disputes with 'the locals'

HumphreyCobbler · 24/05/2014 09:57

You poor thing. I agree with everyone else, keep logging everything with the police.

We had trouble from the flat at the back of our house. After ignoring polite requests to turn it down we turned off their electricity Grin. Turned it back on it ten minutes and it stayed quiet.

gallicgirl · 24/05/2014 10:02

Do you know if there's any sort of lease holders agreement? perhaps talk to other neighbours and your landlord to see if a united front can put pressure on the mother.

Nanny0gg · 24/05/2014 10:23

How many live there?

There are strict rules and if the LL don't have permission for it to be multiple occupancy then they're in trouble.

Contact planning department and report them. Even if they're within the rules it will give them something else to deal with.

Phone the LL at 3am and let them listen to what's going on.

bette06 · 24/05/2014 10:25

I'd also second talking to your landlord (in addition to the other measures) - You are leaving your tenancy because of this noise and the ceiling of the flat has been damaged so he/she has a right to know and to have the opportunity to do something to sort it out before some new unsuspecting tenants move in. The flats should have some kind of management company/board of directors and they can bring pressure to bear on the owner of that flat - or there may be something in the lease which enables them to take further action.

Nanny0gg · 24/05/2014 10:27

And tell your LL. Presumably they won't want to potentially lose a good tenant over this.

MoanyOldTiredMum · 24/05/2014 10:30

Morning all, I will log this with the police/council again and have a mind to copy log by text to owner advising that.

My flat is agency run so they won't get into this but will certainly expect the owner to pay for ceiling repairs. It's a sad thing because the building is 200yo and some of the original cornicing has been cracked, not easy to repair.

In a new flat this may not be much of a problem but in this building the design is the issue causing noise to carry. Everyone who lives here knows that and we all accept a bit of floorboard noise and generally try to tread very carefully at night. This is not the building for a student flat and it is the fact that they come and go throughout the night in a building that has no soundproofing that is the issue.

Pipbin you sound a bit like the owner, I am not sensitive to sound, I grew up next to a football stadium in a victorian townhouse on a main emergency service artery. I am sensitive to dc being woken up repeatedly by nightowls who clearly do not have to get up and go and do something responsible every day well rested. I am sensitive to this because it is my job to be and the people in this building communicate their flat layouts and noise annoyances so that any irritations can be avoided. If they know my dc is asleep in that room so why not just try to be quiet coming and going instead of clattering about above til midnight?

I guess the point of this post is to decide if I should just accept that my upstairs neighbours are nocturnal and tough luck (unless they have tunes that can be heard in the street) or if people who live above small dc or elderly should tiptoe at night and make every effort to not wake the neighbours?

With regard to calling the university I only know one name and that is the daughter and am not sure which uni or if I am being reasonable. It could be worse, they could be filling the flat every weekend night and cranking up the stereo, I am sure they would escalate to that if left to their own devices, in the mean time is coming and going at all hours acceptable?

I know the stamping is not and the cracked ceilings are evidence of that, totally unacceptable and for the agency to deal with.

I just think the students are selfish, dishonest and spiteful. They probably think they are very hard done by having neighbours who want to be boring and sleep at night instead of going clubbing.

I have been looking to buy so moving is awkward because then I will be tied to another 6 month lease and even if I bought somewhere next month it would be another 2 before moving day plus there is 2 months notice to give here, and I would happily stay for a while without the students.

OP posts:
BornFreeButinChains · 24/05/2014 10:33

Sorry couldnt plough through all of that.

You have to really scream to get help from some counciles, as in - write a letter, say they have a duty of care to their ..people( better word) and you will chain yourself to their railings until they help you.

write to your MP find out who counsillor is for your area, owner of flats all the same. try and record the cheering after people have left and the fuck yous...

try and record it on your phone, video camer, you say they are students, go and kick up a massive stink to uni, copy your op, and go bascially bat shit crazy and MAKE THEM, listen to you and help you.

LoveBeingInTheSun · 24/05/2014 10:37

Keep at the council tgey can put recording equipment in to check the noise. Call the ll at the time so tgey can hear it

parallax80 · 24/05/2014 10:37

Please please contact the Dean of the medical school. They will take this very seriously - as others have said, medical students are subject to fitness to practice regulations (including a GMC check in final year before graduating). It is a big deal. If you PM which medical school she is at (or which city you're in - if it's London, which part) we can find the relevant contact details for you.

DoNotDisturb · 24/05/2014 10:40

Lots of good advice here but in the meantime to get you through is it worth looking into white noise for your little ones bedroom? Marpac do amazing white noise machines. Or failing that a loud fan directed at the wall or radio on static. My kids are currently napping through building work with white noise in their room. It really works!

Good luck with it all. Noise polution is the pits.

DoNotDisturb · 24/05/2014 10:43

Sorry just read your post this morning. If they are nocturnal is the answer not to "repay" the favour as soon as you're awake in the morning? Loud music at 6.30 am, stamping up and down the stairs outside their door, phone calls to their flat in the morning to complain about the noise level the night before. Perhaps if they get to feel what interrupted sleep is like they may start to understand..

Binkybix · 24/05/2014 10:44

There are some things which, annoying as they are, there's not much you can do about. Council's don't get involved if it's normal noise (for example walking about) which is a problem due to design of the house (ie no soundproofing). Unfortunately I don't think there's much you can do about people leaving/arriving at different hours. Other things described are not acceptable so you need to make a fuss about those.

What do you mean by an agency flat? Surely there's someone who will be getting your money who would care about losing a tenant? And the flats overall must have a freeholder?

You could follow up with all the local Unis that do medicine. I'm sure there's not many of them.

RumbleMum · 24/05/2014 10:46

OP, you have my every sympathy. Noise from neighbours stresses me out beyond belief.

As a short-term solution, would your DC be amenable to some white noise do you think? I have a white noise track on a loop on an iPod attached to some cheap speakers which I turn on to muffle noise when I need to. Works wonders!

SadOldGit · 24/05/2014 10:51

Echo what the others say - log everything and do contact the Medical School- this could at worse end up with ASBO on her record (career suicide with DBS) or result in poor reference (medical profession disapprove of anything considered damaging to reputation of profession) and as competition for prized positions is fierce........................

I would also remind mother of this (when you ring her at 1 am so she can hear the noise) - I'm sure she would not want her daughter's career in tatters before she graduates (assuming she can!)

FabULouse · 24/05/2014 10:57

This reply has been deleted

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whois · 24/05/2014 11:36

Completely disengage from the stupid mother.

Phone env health about the noise every time. Keep a diary.

Contact your local planning department - HMO rules vary. I know where I lived it was three or more unrelated people and you had to have planning permission however a regulated one was 5 or more on three or more floors and that had to be licensed and have me fire doors etc.

Phone the university too and try and make trouble there for them. Universities take this kind of thing quite seriously.

expatinscotland · 24/05/2014 11:41

I would have gone fucking ghetto at the little cunts long ago! I'd have ring the police, gone to their school, the council, etc.