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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think my upstairs neighbours are taking the utter...

167 replies

MoanyOldTiredMum · 24/05/2014 03:04

Forgive me this is going to be epic and humiliating so have name-changed but I need to unload and get it all out in one and it has probably been moaned about loads before.

Moved in here about 15months ago, big old building (so no soundproofing, wooden floors etc), mostly owner occupier and mostly quite elderly so quiet, look after each other and all happy to have a poorly dc to dote on. Travelled a lot last year so wasn't around every weekend and only noticed occasional gatherings upstairs that got a little loud drunk chatty but generally seemed to be not too intrusive or late. Very quiet over summer then a BIG party followed by lots of DIY type noise leading me to think new owners were in and hopefully all would quiet down after the initial housewarming, settling in and then realising that your neighbours can hear EVERYTHING!

Wrong. Every other weekend, friday night preclub party upstairs, first I know is flat filling up with people from 930pm doesn't stop til after 1am. Then back at 4am crashing about, slamming doors etc. This is on top of 4am noisy taxi deliveries to the front door on thur/sat/sun, (thurs is student night here) so 4 nights per week plus the occasional tues or wed thrown in for good measure. New Year's Eve was the tipping point when I was woken at 530am by someone coming back putting on music for half an hour then turning it off (by which point I was up with dc) then once the bells went and my other neighbours came over for a drink and left about 1am, we all went to bed and upstairs party started at 2am and went on until 530am. I was zombie mum on new year's day, and lots of saturdays after.

There was a leak in my ceiling one feb eve so I had opportunity to meet upstairs neighbour, show her my flat, point to teeny tiny dc wheelchair next to front door and heavily hint that we were being very quiet because dc is asleep. Hoped that would do it. Nope, but had contact details now from girl I met who told me she and her flatmates owned the flat, cut to the following weekend and I texted her at 1am to say my 3yo has now been up for 2 hrs so please turn off music thanks. No answer, music went off then back on quieter a little later, until after 3am. Got a message the next day apologising, she wasn't there and would ask flatmates to keep it down in future. I asked her to please come for coffee (so I can have a civil shut it type chat) and gave a couple of different times, no answer, contact stopped.

So next party I called 101, no one showed. Next party I called 101 and really insisted they come over. They did, twice, because party goers smoking outside saw them coming so when upstairs heard my door go they all went really quiet, then cheered once the noise team left (they had heard the party coming up the street anyway so went around the block and then logged it). When the noise team did go up and ask for the party to move on the students refused on account of they were going out in an hour anyway?!? They did go out an hour later (1am) but not before stamping repeatedly on the floor whilst yelling 'fuck you fuck you' all the way around the flat and into the street, really intimidating. And that was that, just advised to keep logging complaints.

The guy in the flat above theirs is the unofficial factor for the stair and called me about some repairs, whilst talking I find he is also bothered by the noise, though not quite as bad, and the rest of the neighbours in the stair are narked by the front door banging and stair noise etc.

Turns out it is a student flat upstairs from me and the flat is owned by the mother of the girl I met not the people living there, we all think maybe 4 or 5 people live there, which is more in one flat than all the other flats put together. There is no landlord listing or HMO license or anything, not familiar with the rules but it seems they consider themselves exempt. So I get the number for the owner but hesitate in calling because I figure it could go either way since I am calling a mother to complain about her child and I am not good at confrontation, hate it.

Following the noise team intervention the students up the ante by stamping, properly slamming their way about at all hours and frequently waking us all up. After a month of thinking I have no choice but to call owner I realise the plaster on my ceilings is cracked, in every single room and so I make the call.

Spoke to father first, who was mortified, then was called back by mother who was very apologetic, this year's lot of students are a lot younger than last year's phd students; any more parties and they are out etc etc. All good, and she is visitng the following week so will come and see the damage. And the only people who live there are her daughter and two others!

Between that conversation and the next, the tone completely changed and I was hearing noise from another flat perhaps, or they were good students who never went out drinking, I must be thinking of someone else Shock!?! Oh and the party the team were called too was just a little dinner party with one or two guests. The factor guy also tried to have a chat with her and got the same line, total denial. Her answer to my cracked ceilings? Oh well I have seen worse Shock !!!

Anyhoo all was good for a couple of weeks after her visit (which was to oversee floor sandings, she refused to consider carpeting, and also swapping a same size bedroom with a sitting room so that their sitting room is not above a bedroom because their bedroom is carpeted so no compromise whatsoever). I was told to contact owner directly and not council noise team in future.

Then last weekend we had a return to evening stampathons resulting in me texting owner at 10pm sun eve to ask that the students please stop banging around because dc was ill from 4th disturbed night in a row. The phone went upstairs immediately and then all quietened down so I went to sleep and was woken later by her ringing me at almost 1am to say she had just received my text and had spoken to the students and woken them up so ~I must be sensitive to noise and hearing it from another flat Angry! There were no more visitors or music or anything that could be causing a problem and obviously the students were just walking around and being as quiet as they could, blah blah blah. This went on for a bit with her totally trying to gaslight me into thinking I have a crazy imagination, lucky I was tired or the conversation would have ended very abruptly, as it was I just said mhhmm a lot and got off as soon as I could. She did relent and give me their landline to call them if they are being noisy.

Now this evening guests arrived upstairs at 1130pm, waking dc, and left about 1am when I started banging about flushing loo etc really noisily to make them realise we are awake and fuck the actual fuck off which they did eventually in staged groups, thinking they were being sneaky but the drunk high heels on wooden floors and hysterical laughter outside the front door as they scarpered kind of gives the game away, no Hmm?

I considered calling them but figure there is no point, they have no intention of stopping this and anytime I try to communicate the situation just gets worse and I can't be bothered with being woken up repeatedly whilst they try to get even or whatever it is they are doing.

I will move Sad, (I rent and the flat and other neighbours are lovely), but it won't be immediate and I need a short term solution. I am sure owner told me initially they were finished in june and there would be a new tenant but when I last spoke to her that seemed to change to september and I really don't think she can expect us all to put up with this crap until then, also I fucking object to being called a liar, (as does neighbour two up) because owner has to believe what students say and can't we see that ( Shock no I fucking can't they are overgrown nocturnal teenagers with no morals), AIBU?

And congrats if you made it this far Wine, I feel a bit better now I wrote it all down!Thanks

OP posts:
Blueuggboots · 24/05/2014 08:11

You need to log EVERYTHING. If it appears they are banging doors/stamping on purpose to cause harassment etc, log it.
Ring the noise abatement team/council/police if the music/noise occurs between 11pm-7am.
Have you checked if the flats have a covenant about noise or anything in the contracts?
Also, have a look on the web for the website "neighbours from hell in Britain". It was an absolute life line to me when I had horrible noisy and aggressive neighbours.
Have you considered reporting them to the university??

Shenanagins · 24/05/2014 08:12

Could you not phone the mother when it all all kicks off so she can hear the noise herself and then there is no way she can minimise it.

PrimalLass · 24/05/2014 08:17

I don't think you've answered this yet - have you told your landlord? And call the police etc. every time.

Muddlewitch · 24/05/2014 08:19

I would agree with contacting their University. I work for one and not upsetting the local community is fairly high on our agenda, as any future development plans could hinge on it, and how we are seen to deal with such issues. Well worth a try.

They sound awful op, hope you get some peace soon.

Nagasaki · 24/05/2014 08:24

Another one here saying to complain to the university, as well as logging with the police/council. Take it higher in the council if the staff are not responding, do you know who your councillors are?

St. Patricks Day is a wrecking session at my local uni, residents were basically held hostage by drunk and rampaging students. Uni had a code of conduct which basically allowed disciplinary procedures to be taken agains any student who brought the Uni into disrepute. Some were expelled. There may be something similar you can point to in the Uni. The last thing the Uni will want is reputational damage.

And sympathies, OP, I know how soul destroying this can be. Thanks

ButchCassidy · 24/05/2014 08:28

Ring Council. Environmental Health department. Log the job. They will send you noise sheets. Keep a record (if you have dates then back full the diary sheets)
Council can definitely help.?

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 24/05/2014 08:29

Phone 101 every time.
Contact the uni if you know which.
Do some digging with the council, if not properly registered as an HMO then report.
Contact your landlord about the ceiling damage.
Get together with factor/other residents - unites front/make multiple complaints.

ethelb · 24/05/2014 08:30

I think you need to escalate this to the police. Keep a diary of stamping, record and report.

Pipbin · 24/05/2014 08:31

It sounds dreadful. At least you rent so it is easier for you to walk away. I agree with others about logging everything, especially all music.
However, some of the complaints have been about them walking about, whatever they do, and whoever lives there, they will need to walk about. Also, getting a taxi home at 3.30am isn't really so bad, unless of course there are loads of them piling out of it shouting and singing.

Please believe me when I say I understand completely, we had a very noisy neighbour who threatened violence whenever he was confronted. It has left me very sensitive to noise. I'm not saying for one moment that you are not right to complain, but make sure you are complaining about noise that is worth complaining about, which most of it sounds like it is.

Move as soon as you can really for the sake of your mental health. Since we moved it has taken me over a year to stop being stressed by noise.

ChelsyHandy · 24/05/2014 08:32

I don't understand, because not having an HMO license where one us required - two or more unrelated persons- is a criminal offence, and the council noise team or police will have reported it. Is this in Scotland? Ive always had enormous help from the police over disturbances. Its ridiculously strict.

The New Years Eve noise is ai think fibe - its new years eve.

Dolallytats · 24/05/2014 08:33

Just repeating what others have said, log everything. Call the noise team EVERY time. I had to do this with my downstairs neighbours. It can feel like nothing is being done, but keep on.

Good luck.

dawndonnaagain · 24/05/2014 08:34

As others have said, write it all down, contact environmental health and try and record the noise if you can, just a dictaphone type thing from Argos, and date the tapes.
My ds is at uni and if he were doing this to anyone he'd be in serious trouble.

melonribena · 24/05/2014 08:40

Huge sympathies. I've experienced noisy neighbours in a flat, but this was while I was single and pre-dc, I can't imagine his hard it would be with a child in tow.

I agree with other posters. Record everything in writing. Can you record the noise on your phone and send to the mother? I did this when denial was forthcoming from my neighbour. Was good proof.

Definitely contact the university and get support from your other neighbours. Being directly underneath, you will get it much worse than everyone else.

Good luck

KatieKaye · 24/05/2014 08:48

I know exactly how you feel, as we were subjected to this when living in a flat. The noise started at 5pm on a Friday night and continued for the whole weekend. Loads of visits to ask if they could keep it down (tiny two-roomed flat so nowhere to escape the incessant dance music) but was told they enjoyed having get-togethers and liked music! They moved and the new owners were just as bad - no, they were worse! In addition to putting on music (vey loud!) when they got back after a night clubbing, they also owned a GSD, which barked incessantly because it was left alone all day in a small flat.
We sold our flat. The day the papers were signed, the music started again at 3. I went down and kicked and thumped on the door, screaming "Turn the music off!"
It worked. For the next six weeks until we moved there was blissful peace.
Some people are bullies, but when you turn and bully them back, it works.
SO sorry to hear thy are forcing you to move. I suggest that you and your neighbours have a "farewell do", and do not invite these students. If it is rather noisy, so much the better.

riskit4abiskit · 24/05/2014 08:49

Great advice here and sounds awful. However I think you need to pick your battles too. The taxi issue is not totally unreasonable of them and also having them be quiet above your son's room after 6 is a bit picky too. I think these issues are related to the design of the building too.

all music quiet after 11 and no large parties is reasonable though. Not only would we never have been loud at such ours as students but could not afford to!

riskit4abiskit · 24/05/2014 08:51

Also have a sniff around their door. If they're smoking weed that's something else you could report to the police

MintyChops · 24/05/2014 08:56

Utter bastards and the mother is just as bad. Keep logging, keep reporting and I would suggest to the police that someone turning up in a taxi, running in then out again could easily be dealing drugs.

tanukiton · 24/05/2014 09:15

Keep logging. There are a few noise monitor apps that might help with logging and being able to see what dB they are at

Binkybix · 24/05/2014 09:17

There's also probably something in the lease about it, so the freeholder might be able to intervene. Nervous, as the flat above us is being rented out. Soundproofing is awful so bad tenants would make our lives a misery too.

Shenanagins · 24/05/2014 09:23

Could you not phone the mother when it all all kicks off so she can hear the noise herself and then there is no way she can minimise it.

Shenanagins · 24/05/2014 09:27

Oops, don't know why i managed to post twice, stupid phone!

3littlefrogs · 24/05/2014 09:28

I would tell the mother that you will be writing to the university/medical school.

The medical student will be absolutely stuffed without a good reference.

It may well be that it is the flatmates who are at fault, but you need to put the wind up the owner.

PhoebeMcPeePee · 24/05/2014 09:34

First thing I would do is speak to your landlord or letting agent and ask them to check the lease for a clause about having close fitting carpets - very common in older conversions where sound proofing is generally poor. If not there will definitely be a noise & disturbance clause usually something similar to a rental agreement ie not to cause a nuisance to other neighbours esp between the hours of 11pm & 7am.

Breaking the terms of a lease is serious & so you need to let your landlord know what's happening and tell him/her they risk losing their tenants if it isn't addressed ASAP.

When is the earliest you can move out op?

Neverknowingly · 24/05/2014 09:38

That is so horribly malicious. I used to rent a property to students and we never had problems like this - sure the occasional party which the neighbours put up with quite happily but not deliberate nastiness which is what this is.

I would also suggest speaking to the college/Uni and local council. As a student landlord we used to get quite a lot of communications from both about the need to ensure that local (non-student's) residents rights were respected.

They quite probably will move out in June with the new lot not moving in until September/October. That was how it always went with our tenants anyway.

Sixweekstowait · 24/05/2014 09:42

Moany - 3little's advice s spot on . Medical students are subject to 'fitness to practice' by their medical schools and she is running a serious risk here. Find out the details of the medical school's dean and how to complain about one of their students. Ring the mother and quote all the info to her and that you are sending in the letter immediately. Then do it. Being fit to practice as a doctor covers all behaviour not just clinical