To think it's snooty to make a point of not socialising with colleagues

[Vintagejazz]

I'm not talking of people who prefer, most of the time, to socialise with friends outside of work. That's probably healthy and normal.

But I've come across some people who, on some kind of point of principle, refuse to entertain the idea of going to any social event that's work related or to even to just go for a casual drink with a colleague after work. I even know a guy who boasted that in 30 years working he had never been to a retirement do, a promotion celebration or an office Christmas party. He seemed to think that was some kind of admirable achievement.

AIBU to think that it's a bit of a silly position to take and there's no harm in occasionally going to the pub with colleagues to wish someone well in their retirement or even just to have a wind down and a laugh with people you spend so much time with in a work related setting?

Whitzend

No one considers themselves a 'cut above you'. But you seem to consider that mixing with people from work is somehow lowering yourself. Awful attitude.

You do sound a bit ridiculous Whitzend. Seriously, there is no one at work you would want to socialise with, there is no occasion worthy of your attendance, and there is no occasion on which you would ask someone for a hand or a dig out because they would just cause a cock up?

I imagine your colleagues are probably quite grateful that you don't deign to show up at work events. They'd probably feel they had to wear white gloves and talk like the Queen.

That doesn't change your attitude, as stated on this thread does it? But probably best that you're self employed as you obviously despise team effort and all that comes with it.

Team effort does NOT mean that you have to socialise with your "team" once your job is done.

Team effort is all about getting the job done, on time, using the resorces and skills you all have. It has fuck all to do with going out afterwards.

Wow Whitzend you sure know how to chicken out of an argument. Clumsy attempt at passive aggression followed by scurrying off the thread before someone can call you on it.

Can we take it you've run out of arguments

Ooh meant to add

Bet she's peeping over the edge of her book to see what people are saying

Really?

Smiles team effort accepts that sometimes you have to rely on the strengths and talents of other people on the team, something Whitzend seems to airily dismiss.

I'm not even going to dignify her last post to me with a response.

Whitzend I'm the employer; I'm the one paying for it. Our department Christmas lunch last year started at noon and ended at 11.30pm. No -one was forced to go; a few people left around 5, most stayed a lot longer.

And actually we don't claim it back. It's a personal decision by the partners in my department.

The end of project drinks/jollies were for me the final straw - we are going to celebrate all your hard work and long hours by taking you away from your family all over again

Just once did a project leader acknowledge that it was family life which was impacted by long hours and promised that at the end of the project we would be able to have a meal out with our families at the company expense. The bastard reneged on the promise but I guess it is the thought which counts!

I dont go on works social evenings because I have a long commute and so even a couple of hours having a drink will make for a very long day. I dont go for lunch with colleagues because I find it tiring. I dont have a lot in common with my colleagues except work so find chit chat hard work.

Can I sit on the fence a little? I used to travel a lot with work and I had an exercise routine (and to a lesser extent diet) I was trying to stick to. It was a real struggle and being up at 4am, there was a huge pressure to come out on the piss after work same day. I've left that organisation and am now much fitter.

Having said that, I did work with a guy who was adamant that work and personal life were separate. To the extent that no-one knew if her was married or had kids because he simply wouldn't tell you. I understood that to a degree, but it was obvious from his physique that he weight trained (as I did) but a group of us once tried to bring him in on the subject (group were also into lifting), to which he replied 'that's personal and not the business of colleagues'. That I found properly weird.

What was most sad was when he decided to come out dining because someone very senior was there, not knowing they were arseholes. So he got enforced shots and casual racism (I was there, it was grim), whereas at a peer do he'd have had a nice meal and drinking to whatever level you deem appropriate.

I don't expect to get on with everyone I work with. But whether or not you go on work social things, I think if I worked with a group or people and I wouldn't even consider a drink in the pub with any of them ever, I don't think I'd want to go into work at all - I do think I need at least one or two colleagues I get on with. The people you work with make a massive difference to whether it's a bearable job or not, and I think a dream job would stop being a dream if none of the people were bearable.

I actually get on very well with my colleagues, they are lovely people. But I am not going to force myself to go to a works do as dreading it, then throwing up beforehand and then, at best, being bored shitless all evening (at worst having a panic attack) is not much fun.... I am the same with all social events.

Luckily because they are nice people, they understand why I don't go. If they didn't understand, I wouldn't be that bothered.

I don't see anything wrong with someone avoiding the majority of work related social events. Particularly as you get older and have more pressures on your time and less energy for going out in the evenings. But people who just haughtily state that under no circumstances will they ever attend a work social event because they see enough of their colleagues during the day (not because of childcare, long commute, panic attacks) are rude.
Some of them seem to think it makes them sound more interesting/busy/special than their colleagues, but it doesn't. It just makes them sound rude and silly.

I can't imagine that those people care if they are thought of as rude or silly.

In fact I quite admire folk who don't socialise with colleagues outside of work whatsoever. Such willpower! Not giving in and going along with what everyone else wants to do in the name of supposingly having a good time.

What is someone's idea of fun is another's nightmare.

Nobody should feel pressured into going/doing something they don't want too just to keep everyone else happy.

I think YABU. There's around 20 of us at my work place, I literally only see 2 or 3 outside work, if I get invited to "work doos" or whatever, I don't go because i don't like them. I just put up with them for work, most of them are gossips, back stabbers and I can't be arsed with it.

I imagine a lot of them do care Mrs. And where has anyone said that colleagues should give in to pressure just to keep everyone else happy? The subject of this thread is people who never, ever go to any work related event simply on the grounds that there will be people from work there - even if it's just nipping into the pub for half an hour after work to wish someone retiring farewell or to buy a close colleague who's been promoted or is getting married a quick drink. I certainly don't admire those people. They're not avoiding peer pressure to go out on the town and get drunk - they're being snooty towards a colleague who's having a big event in their life.
I'm sure those colleagues who exercise such admirable willpower, often go to weddings or birthday parties they don't particularly enjoy because it would hurt someone's feelings if they didn't. Snootily saying you don't go to work events when someone's asked you to have a drink with them on their retirement is also hurtful, and nothing to be admired.

You seem to be confusing two issues here.

Seriously Mrsitsnow? Do you also 'admire' people who refuse to go to all weddings because they don't enjoy them even if it's a close friend of family member; or any child's birthday party even a godchild or niece; or any friend's 40th or 50th birthday celebration, even a friend they've known since school?

A lot of those events are someone's idea of fun but someone else's idea of a nightmare.

Close friend or family member.