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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be irritated about mil wanting full details of holiday

135 replies

SarcyMare · 22/05/2014 20:40

My MIL has always required that we contact her to let her know when we get to the end of any long journey, this has always irritated me.

But now we are going on a RV holiday in america touring around, and she wants a detailed itinerary of our route, i find this really really intrusive and annoying.

OP posts:
hamptoncourt · 22/05/2014 20:42

Tell her you are going to wing it, you don't know where you will be when.

Waltermittythesequel · 22/05/2014 20:43

Just don't tell her?

Catsmamma · 22/05/2014 20:47

put it in an envelope for her, but put

Arrive and collect RV @ arrival destination

then C&P travel, drive, turn, park, travel, travel, drive....over as many pages as you see fit with

Leave RV and depart for home on the last page.

Make it a really fat envelope too, so hopefully she won't open it in front of you and will save it for later.

Catsmamma · 22/05/2014 20:48

put it in an envelope for her, but put....

Arrive and collect RV @ arrival destination

then C&P travel, drive, turn, park, travel, travel, drive....over as many pages as you see fit

then put...

Leave RV and depart for home on the last page.

Make it a really fat envelope too, so hopefully she won't open it in front of you and will save it for later.

Catsmamma · 22/05/2014 20:49

ooh it posted twice!! :D

zipzap · 22/05/2014 20:51

Can you tell her that you don't know what it's going to be (other than starting and ending points I guess), that you're going to go as the whim takes you and thus you can't contact her to check in each section. Obviously even if you have everything planned out to the minute, you'd still tell her you're just going with the flow.

What does your dh think - is it normal for him or does he find it a pain too?

What would happen if if you told her in an exasperated withering voice that really, she is not a toddler and she really doesnt need to know your whereabouts every minute of the holiday, that dh will enjoy telling her all about it on your return once you are home and sorted but in the mean time, when you are on holiday, no news is good news.

Hassled · 22/05/2014 20:53

Oh FGS just give her the information she's asking for if it will make her happy and stop her fretting. It's no skin off your nose, really, is it? She's clearly quite anxious - so help her out a bit.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 22/05/2014 20:53

Do you have a planned itinerary? If so what's the harm in them having it? If you are going ad-hoc then that's different.

My parents always give us itineraries for their holidays and we do the same, never needed to use them but no harm in someone knowing where you are. MIL, DM and I tend to text each other at the end of long journeys, it's nice to know everyone's back safely.

SantanaLopez · 22/05/2014 20:55

YABU, what harm does it do? I like our parents to be able to know where we are in case there's an emergency.

peppersquint · 22/05/2014 20:55

Surely with technology a quick text (by your DH) to say you've arrived safely is not too much. I don't know if you have DCs but imagine if your child's parent found your concern annoying. It's not IMHO that intrusive - treat her like a parent and human and not as an inconvenience to your life. Enjoy your holiday - you can please evryone here.

JustAQuickiePlease · 22/05/2014 20:55

Send her a text every night, "We are still alive" and then switch off your phone.

JoyceDivision · 22/05/2014 20:59

Has anyone else asked for details of your trip, maybe your parents or either siblings?

Sushiqueen · 22/05/2014 21:02

My parents always give us details such as flight numbers,hotel contact details and rep contacts details (they don't use their mobile much). They also ask us for similar details.
I used to find it quite amusing until I had to get hold of them to let them know my nan was dying. They really appreciated me letting them know and keeping them informed.
So now I happily give them the info they ask for just in case. Plus they know we check our mobiles every night.

cardibach · 22/05/2014 21:04

I always phone my parents after a journey, and DD always texts me when she has. If I have an itinerary I give it to my parents/DD's dad etc. Don't see the problem. If you don't have one, I'd prearrange when you will call (not too precisely...) and ignore the phone the rest of the time.

Coconutty · 22/05/2014 21:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorkingBling · 22/05/2014 21:09

If you have an itinary just give it to them. Obviously, if not, explain you are winging it. But why is it such a big deal?

StrawberryMojito · 22/05/2014 21:09

Don't see the problem myself. She probably couldn't give a shit about you but likes to know where her son is and that he has arrived safely. My mum and I do this, it's not intrusive. It is also practical to have someone in the uk know your itinerary, passport details,insurance information etc in case there is an accident.

Geraldthegiraffe · 22/05/2014 21:11

My mums family always does this.

However my dads side of the family has the opinion that there's no point contacting family on holiday, but that they will deal with it when they get back.

PotatoQueen · 22/05/2014 21:13

Sorry, I don't get it. Just sounds like she wants to make sure you're safe and that she's got info if needs be, can't see an issue.

AdoraBell · 22/05/2014 21:13

Depends. If she is anxious then give her the info to ease her mind.

If she is like my FIL, who's exact words where "I don't like you going on holiday, I have no control over you when you are away" when DH was 45 tell her to go take a running jump.

Either way, hope you have a great trip.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 22/05/2014 21:18

I think you're being mean.

Is she likely to turn up unannounced and join you on holiday?

If not, I don't see your issue.

Maybe she's worried you might get mugged by devil worshippers on the American highway in their RV I saw a film about holiday makers being chased by such people.

Maybe she watched it too Wink

alphablock · 22/05/2014 21:24

My inlaws always like to have flight and hotel details and I don't have a prob with this as it's not that hard to provide (and they are always really interested in hearing all about where we are going, so it's actually rather sweet!) Obviously a bit different when you are in an RV as your route is not fixed, but I'm sure you have a rough idea of where you are going.

MaryWestmacott · 22/05/2014 21:24

this would annoy me too, but I can't quite put my finger on why, perhaps it's slightly having to need control where you are and not just treat you like grown ups. And also, I suppose, demanding to be part of your holiday, so when you arrive on holiday, rather than focussing on what your hotel room is like, where the pool is, starting to unpack etc, you need to think about your MIL and call her. It's using "worrying about you" - a kind thing, to require you to think about her even when you are away, she is muscling in on your time away. She's not there, but still manages to ensure she's part of it... (not sure if I'm being clear).

I would tell her you don't have details, but you'll have mobiles and if there is an emergancy, she can get hold of you.

BikeShed · 22/05/2014 21:25

Is it customary for your DH and MIL to do this? Is he an only child by any chance? I am, and I always gave my parents details of where we were going. Also a quick call after a long journey (literally letting the phone ring twice!) to put their minds at rest.
I do the same now with DH (and will do with DDs once they're a little bit older), it's just very reassuring - not intrusive at all.

phantomnamechanger · 22/05/2014 21:30

Is she likely to turn up unannounced and join you on holiday?
I think she just worries and wants to know where you are in case there are any major incidents, or she needs to contact you for a family emergency back home.

But I know someone who did this for their DDs wedding

The B&G had booked their dream location, abroad, and wanted to go off and do it on their own, then have a big party once they were back home.
Only on the morning of the wedding, they came down for breakfast and ta-da, surprise! here we are darling for your special day - the brides parents! The B&G were gutted that this had been done to them and the poor groom had to ring his family and let them know what had happened. His parents were absolutely devastated, I think it was very wrong of brides parents to force themselves into the wedding plans like that. Not to mention, sharing the same hotel with the honeymooners!

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