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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be irritated about mil wanting full details of holiday

135 replies

SarcyMare · 22/05/2014 20:40

My MIL has always required that we contact her to let her know when we get to the end of any long journey, this has always irritated me.

But now we are going on a RV holiday in america touring around, and she wants a detailed itinerary of our route, i find this really really intrusive and annoying.

OP posts:
Superworm · 22/05/2014 21:30

My dad does this and I find it intrusive. I manage to swerve it mostly. In an emergency I tend to contact my sister anyway.

What does your DH say?

SisterMoonshine · 22/05/2014 21:30
Envy
revealall · 22/05/2014 21:32

YANBU. If you give her the planned route and your plans change what do you do. Will you feel like you have to send her revised plans?
It's a holiday -doing what you want is one of the things that make it a holiday! Tell her you'll Skype her or something every few days.

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks · 22/05/2014 21:32

I would give her the itinerary TBH.
Give her the names of the campsites you will stop off at along the way at least, so she can pin point your journey a bit.
It will ease her anxiety and mean you have someone at home who knows where you are if there is an emergency.

Lesleythegiraffe · 22/05/2014 21:35

Why does she need to know in great detail where you'll be going?

DeWee · 22/05/2014 21:36

What does your dh think?

My dm likes me to send a quick text to say we've arrived/come back when we're going on a long journey. I don't find it an issue at all, but dh makes such a moan about her fussing that I now do it when he's not there. I don't see it as a problem a quick text stops her worrying.

Joysmum · 22/05/2014 21:36

I was grateful I was able to be located when on one trip my husbands grandfather died, on another my MIL died Sad

I don't like to think of anyone being anxious so if that helps then I'd not have a problem with it.

eurochick · 22/05/2014 21:46

BikeShed that has nothing to do with being an only child. I'm an only and do none of that.

Waltermittythesequel · 22/05/2014 21:49

How is it intrusive?

MaryWestmacott · 22/05/2014 21:54

gosh, i'd think the idea of having to stop what your plans are to find the time to skype every few days even worse!

Surely with mobiles, she can call you wherever you are if there's a crisis?

emms1981 · 22/05/2014 22:07

At least she cares, my mil didn't even reply to my text when i sent here a detailed one about her youngest grandsons hearing appoitment at hospital, said her phone was flat. Funny as it got delivered straight away and she never did reply.

ElizaDolittle2 · 22/05/2014 22:12

Sorry but I fail to see the issue here. As a family we always give each other out holiday details.

It also had nothing to do with being an only child. I am one of 3

Original poster
SarcyMare · 22/05/2014 22:13

Mary westmacott i think you have it, she is slightly controlling, loves helping you but in a way she gets something out.
Yes this is our holiday GET OUT.

And to someone else, i have never once had to do this with my family as they know if something goes wrong the police will tell you.

My OH says "yes because they don't care about you"

OP posts:
wheresthelight · 22/05/2014 22:20

Sorry but I think yabu! she wants to know where she can contact you in an emergency, there is nothing wrong with that, she cares! I think you are being quite pathetic about it to be honest!!

I still text my parents to let them know I am ok if I go anywhere that is a great distance. And likewise if into and stay with friends or family I always text or ring to say we have arrived home safely. It's common courtesy surely?

exexpat · 22/05/2014 22:25

My mother is an inveterate worrier. She calls me every day, basically to check that the DCs and I are still alive.

Since the advent of mobile phones/internet access in hotels, she has started to expect me to let her know when we have arrived at every new location on a multi-centre holiday (we travel a lot and do things like inter railing round Europe or travelling round Japan, Hong Kong and three places in Australia in the space of three weeks - that's a lot of duty calls and emails).

Last year we went travelling round Cuba for a couple of weeks, and I have to admit I rather exaggerated the impossibility of using mobiles or getting internet access in Cuba and told her to expect not to hear from me for the whole fortnight, and I duly did not call her at all (though she did have emergency contact details for us through the tour company).

It was such a relief not to have to be in constant contact just to reassure her - and I think since she was not expecting any contact she could also switch off her worry mode to some extent. The worst thing for her is if she is expecting to hear from me but doesn't, usually for some very benign reason, like being out of mobile coverage or no wifi, but she panics and assumes we are all dead in a ditch.

Delphiniumsblue · 22/05/2014 22:26

When your DCs get to be adults you will look back and wish you had been more understanding!

Pollywallywinkles · 22/05/2014 22:34

If DD was having your sort of holiday I would like to know her plans because I was interested and if we were doing that sort of holiday she would like to know for exactly the same reason.

Sirzy · 22/05/2014 22:46

I think it's pretty sensible to make sure someone back home has an idea of where you are going/how to contact you etc

magimedi · 22/05/2014 22:51

When we go on holiday we are away. Don't take a phone with us. Out of contact. DS has managed as (when they were alive) did parents on both sides.

It's my time out of real life - it's my holiday.

This thing of having to be in touch 24/7 is a relatively new facility. People managed without it for years.

Tinpin · 22/05/2014 22:58

What do you mean the police will tell you if something is wrong? How are they going to know where you are quickly?
What do you mean GET OUT? She is not asking to come with you just your plans. You have a very odd attitude.

MrsMoon76 · 22/05/2014 23:03

I would always let my parents know I have arrived safely after a long journey and vice versa. DH would let his parents know he was home safe from a visit to them (that long 20 miles trip). Its ok to let people that love you know you are fine. We have never handed over a detailed plan of holidays - just texted to say we are there/ok etc.

lilolilmanchester · 22/05/2014 23:08

Depends on your MIL's motives. If she is likely to worry for the duration of your holiday if she doesn't know you've arrived safely/wants to know where you are if any disasters happen (totally highly unlikely but if she's a worrier then she'll imagine all sorts), then you are being v v unreasonable and actually a bit selfish tbh. But if she expects you to be available 24x7 then that's not on. As my mum has got older I've started to call her once, mid-holiday instead of a postcard because she worries more now than she ever did

ladymariner · 22/05/2014 23:12

Wow, you have a mil who cares and you find it intrusive and annoying.....well, tough. As a pp said, she probably doesn't give a shit about you (can't think why Hmm ) but cares about her son. What is the problem about dropping her a text or a quick call to let her know you've arrived safely after a long journey? We always call my mum, not because she's controlling or wanting to intrude but because she worries about us and a quick call puts her mind at rest. Think you're looking to make a problem when there isn't one.

HaroldLloyd · 22/05/2014 23:12

I don't see the big deal in telling her she is hardly going to turn up.

My mother likes to know where we are as she googles the weather and a bit about the hotel as I think she likes to visualise us there having fun. It can be annoying but it makes her happy.

If you don't want to for whatever reason say that you are not clear right now and charge your DH with texting every few days to let her know where you are and your all having a nice time etc.

Let love build a bridge and all that.

CatsCantTwerk · 22/05/2014 23:13

You have a strange attitude towards family.