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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be irritated about mil wanting full details of holiday

135 replies

SarcyMare · 22/05/2014 20:40

My MIL has always required that we contact her to let her know when we get to the end of any long journey, this has always irritated me.

But now we are going on a RV holiday in america touring around, and she wants a detailed itinerary of our route, i find this really really intrusive and annoying.

OP posts:
2rebecca · 24/05/2014 22:11

I wouldn't do it, your husband can give her as much info as he wants to but I'd just be giving her the same info I give my parents ie we're going to America mainly x state and will be back on y date. Sometimes I just tell my dad when we get back as I've forgotten to mention it and thought I'd told him before.
She doesn't need to know your flight details unless she's coming with you and I'd tell her that and tell her to stop fussing it's not her holiday, you'll send her a postcard.
This is OTT fussing and pandering to it will just make her continue to request too much information.

2rebecca · 24/05/2014 22:14

We usually take our mobiles so if anyone needed to contact us it's fairly easy and exactly where we are is irrelevant. We're usually contactable by email as well. As I live several hours away from my dad I don't see it makes any practical difference whether I'm here or in Spain for the week.

CarolineKnappShappey · 24/05/2014 22:40

Sadly I sympathise with the OP. YANBU!

One of the best things about being on holiday is dropping off the grid, and knowing that no one really knows where you are, especially family members.

intheenddotcom · 24/05/2014 23:03

Don't see the problem. I always give both our parents an e-mail of where we will be when, hotel #, flight # and copies of the insurance + passports. Makes it easier if something does go wrong.

If I've left them to come home I always call when I arrive - it's polite.

intheenddotcom · 24/05/2014 23:07

As for mobiles - I'm in the camp of turning them off when we get on the flight and not turning them back on until we're back in the UK. I go on holiday to get away from that.

Jollyphonics · 24/05/2014 23:17

YABU. If she's happier knowing where you are, what's the problem?

I suspect the people who are totally unconcerned and untroubled by the welfare of their loved ones when on holiday are people who've never experienced unexpected loss.

This thread also looks like yet anthers MIL bashing thread.

MamaMumra · 24/05/2014 23:31

I don't see what the big deal is. Or how it's controlling.

Delphiniumsblue · 25/05/2014 07:10

Probably true Jollyphonics. They just blithely assume that nothing will happen to them or their family within the week. It is like switching off your mobile the entire time. I don't have mine on, but I check it occasionally for messages - someone might have been in a car crash, had a stroke etc and be trying to reach you. You are just very lucky if none of these things have happened to you and you can assume they won't to the extent that you get rattled and see it as 'control' because someone want you to do something very simple for them.

MaryWestmacott · 25/05/2014 07:33

I think there's quite a bit of projecting here, the op said that a)there is no schedule, so they'd have to do one just for mil's benefit, as she doesn't seem to accept they don't know where they will be in the time between arriving and leaving. And b)they said they'd have a mobile phone on. They don't have hotels booked, and will probably sleep in the van most of the holiday, so even if she knows where in the USA they are, mil's only way of contacting them would be the mobile phone number. She already has the only thing she would /could use in an emergency situation.

So those of us who have a hard work parent /pil (and it's not mil bashing, a lot of this thread if you read carefully are talking about their own parents, as I am), know this isn't about being concerned, there is no added help to contacting the op from this, it feels like trying to control from a distance.

To me this behaviour feels like a combination of not accepting this is a valid way to go on holiday ("don't be silly, you must have a schedule"- I'd be accused of wasting the holiday or being childish and foolish not to have a typed out schedule and clear plans), and/or making themselves part of the holiday, making this trip planning about them. Op's Mil is worried, mil needs to be contacted and placated, mil's feelings need to be factored into the ops holiday plans. I certainly internalised for a long time that my mums worries where something that had to be factored into everything, so everything becomes about her.

Op, if your DH does insist on writing a schedule, then make a point in the first couple of days of deviating from it.

Ememem84 · 25/05/2014 08:04

We never leave an itinary but do take mobiles with us, and will check them occasionally. I usually text parents to let them know we've arrived and once were leaving with flight details - they're usually good for a pick up at airport.

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