AIBU to not want to cook dinner if I'm a SAHP?

[CraicWhore]

Since having DS 23 months and DD 6 months I absolutely hate cooking and I'm not that great at it anyway. I'm a SAHM through circumstance not choice. I want to go back to work but can't until DD gets a nursery place and DH refuses to take time off work to help with childcare.
If the children are fed and I'm happy to have a bowl of cereal for tea is it unreasonable if I tell DH he has to sort his own suppers out?

When did the word housewife get dropped to become SAHP? It seems like the same thing with less responsibilities!

I would have liked to be a sahm tbh. I dont like handing them iver during the week.
I would have cooked for my family as part of that deal.
but I think it seems different for the op here.

Being a SAHM doesn't mean being responsible for all the household tasks and becoming the live-in domestic skivvy. It means looking after the kids while your partner (if you have one) is at work. So, if your partner is working 8 hours, you are looking after the kids 8 hours, and then you divvy up any leftover household tasks between you in the rest of the time. Cooking dinner is an evening activity, so it should be divvied up equally between you and your DP.

Wow I'm amazed at these posts! OP is clearly unhappy and it seems to be less about cooking a meal more about her partner being a of a dick for saying stupid things and doing nothing in the house!
I am a sahm through choice and I do cook every night but we all eat together as a family and it is my choice to cook ( I'm better at it than him and enjoy it) BUT although I do the majority of household chores during the week at the weekends we share everything, the kids have chores and we agree together in how we do this. If you don't agree between you then its a different kettle of fish!

OP you sound pissed off and trapped. It's not the cooking, it's the situation and attitudes. Cooking a meal every night isn't going to solve the problem.

You need to talk to him before you become more unhappy and resentful. As a pp said, is there no compromise? Clearly you both want to work and it sounds like that would redress the balance.

Sorry x post with foo

I cook for dh when he gets in, but he looks after dd while I do, then baths her while I tidy up after. That seems fair to me, we all get a good meal, dh gets some quality time with dd and I can cook in peace!

I don't think this is really about the dinner though.

*Yes twofingers. He is being unreasonable.

OP, why don't you serve him up some supper ona paper plate with disposable cutlery and place the kitchen bin next to his lordships chair?*

I'd leave his plate exactly where it was and serve tomorrow night's dinner on it. He'd quickly realise where the sink was.

I don't understand why OP is cooking for kids but not rest of family. Surely it's easy just to make bigger quantities. Having a bowl of cereal for her own meal isn't very healthy. OP why not just make bigger quantities so there is enough for everyone.

She isnt cooking for the children. Baby gets a bottle and 23 month old has salad and ham. But sure, i guess OP could serve a large bottle of milk and giant plate of salad and han to her DH. Although really, it's salad and ham- couldnt he manage to open the fridge door himself for that one? Not much prep required.

At six months most babies are trying solids- so not just milk. Ham and salad is not ideal for a weaning baby- and not much for a 2 year old either.

Yabu Op. I would not feel it was right to have my husband working like that and not have a meal to eat. Some of the replies on here are just sad.

This really is about much more than cooking!

Firstly, if it is about cooking then its something that needs to be addressed. Your kids are growing and soon you will have to provide them with more substantial meals in the evening. If you don't want food battles with the kids in the future, I suggest finding simple one pot meals that are quick to put together that everyone can eat.
I hate cooking too and I just put together meals that are straightforward. There are lots of websites you can use.

Secondly, its tough looking after young children. You're probably tired and then can't be bothered in the evening. You also have unresolved issues with your dh which you need to address. He's obviously making you feel unhappy about his lack of consideration and involvement.

At six months most babies are trying solids- so not just milk. Ham and salad is not ideal for a weaning baby- and not much for a 2 year old either.

The 2 year old gets proper dinner at nursery. Ham and salad not ideal for weaning, no. I believe supermarkets do a good variety of weaning foods in jars or pouches etc. no need for OP to cook for a good while yet if she doesnt want to.

God some of the replies on here!

Being a SAHP is incredibly time consuming when you've got preschoolers at home, you are continuously wiping one or other bottom, or nose, and it takes longer than you even imagine is possible to get things done.

slithy I'm certainly not advocating that the SAHP should be on duty 24/7 while the WOHP does bugger all, simply that when the WOHP works long hours, it is far more practical if the SAHP does the bulk of whatever needs doing in the home, and then evenings can be spent relaxing.
I made this face when you said that your DH doesn't get up with your DCs in the night. Why on earth not? How awful that he thinks his right to sleep trumps yours blah blah blah. See? What works for you doesn't work for other people. Where you think my husband is so unreasonable for not cooking during the week, I think yours is the same for not getting up in the night with the DCs.

The younger child is NOT fed ham and salad! Read the OP's posts properly. And stop judging for how the OP is weaning and whether or not YOU think her older child needs more food at dinnertime. She probably knows better, don't you think?

Ali, I don't think your husband is unreasonable at all. I would only think that if you had an issue with him not cooking.

I have said this whole thread that we can't judge others based on what happens in our own homes, and I'm not going to start doing that to others. Equally, I too have advocated that both parents should be able to relax in the evenings, and that that is best achieved IMO by a fair split of what still needs done in the house.

All I've done is suggest things to make ops life easier, because she does have an issue with her DH.

And incidentally, DH doesn't get up with DS because: he drives all day for work and I want him rested, because I get DS back to sleep much easier, because I would be awake anyway because I don't sleep we'll being pregnant, and because that's what we agreed because it's what works for us.

Think you misread my posts as I've not once criticised other families for doing things differently!

What I want to know is how come OP's DH is home so late. All builders and tradesmen I've ever employed clocked off at about 4pm!

Food choices is something covered in the book wife work. I know if it was just me I could easily live with beans on toast or an omelette in the evening while DH would consider that a snack. I only started cooking when DS1 was weaned. I hate cooking and do as little as possible. So in my opinion YANBU.

well not we'll I do understand the use of apostrophes

I can't make my mind up on this one.

I have 4dc. I cook for my fiancé every night. However when I was with my ex husband I wouldn't always cook. I was unhappy and resentful. With fiancé I am very happy and I want to cook him something. I try out different recipes and get a lot of pleasure out of him enjoying what I make.

All in all I think yanbu. You want to work, not be a sahp so no wonder you are annoyed and don't want to be cooking.

Yes, I think you're being unreasonable. How hard is it to boil pasta, add a shop bought sauce and some sacla pesto, make a bit of salad, maybe grate cheese over it. The not being able to cook thing I find really sad, I think it's important your kids learn as they grow up, seeing either mum or dad cooking, and help, and then can cook for themselves. Both my son and daughter can make a variety of simple meals.

Or the simplest thing ever- slow cooker, chicken breast, jar of sweet and sour sauce, cook on low for six hours serve with noodles. If you don't want your children growing up on processed foods it's an important skill to learn. I've re read this and sound like a judgey cow, but I was at home for six years with a child gap of 17 months, hated cooking, but was so bored started doing it and dh was really grateful and pleased. I'm off unwell at the moment and he still is, and I like that. You're working really hard with the kids too, a pizza is really easy to make and they love making their own very odd shapes.

Shona, there's a wider point to this thread.

I think it's really important for kids NOT to see one parent doing 'precisely FA', not bathing or putting them to bed, just 'watching TV or xboxing', not doing 'any domestic chores' or leaving their dinner plate on the table.
I would also think it important for kids not to see one parent sulking about how hungry they were rather than cooking for themselves.

I think YABU

I'd easily find time to make a quick meal, something that can be reheated when he gets in.

How hard is it to cook a meal?

Not terribly hard. But I don't cook for people that treat me like shit and expect to have all their domestic needs catered for and are too lazy to put their dirty plate in the sink.

How hard is it to cook a meal? That would depend on how much of a total cockwomble my husband was.

How hard is it to cook a meal? That would depend on how much of a total cockwomble my husband was.

EXACTLY.

PS may I applaud 'cockwomble'