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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to take my DD out of end of the year production in Y6???

363 replies

katmat3 · 20/05/2014 16:28

Please tell me because lately I am not thinking with clear head.
My DD is not chosen again for any part ( except singing and dancing with few other kids) . It's not the first time and maybe my pregnancy hormones are working but it's something that is happening all the time. I am aware as other few parents are that headmistress has certain kids that she always puts up as a frontrunners for everything ..But for everything all the time??? Really???I am talking about last 3 years.
Same kids,same main parts.I am gutted for my DD. I am not bragging but she is really good ,confident,very committed to her work or any given task but she just has bad luck.
This production is for Y6 mainly and she actually doesn't have any part.I signed the letter for her to give tomorrow that she will not participate (only one probably) but I can't let her always be in the corner while the SAME kids are always doing the parts...
AIBU???Please.
If I missed anything I will add....

OP posts:
CoffeeTea103 · 21/05/2014 11:46

To you she might be the best, but compared to the children getting the parts they maybe be actually better. She's been given a role according to what she can deliver.

Original poster
katmat3 · 21/05/2014 11:46

That's what I am trying to say and it's the same for the last 3 years.
It's sad...

OP posts:
Original poster
katmat3 · 21/05/2014 11:49

coffeetea103-you are missing the point.Same kids are GETTING ALL THE MAIN parts for the past 3 years in any activity that is happening at school.Really you will tell me that's ok?T o me it's notEVERY child should be given a chance and encouragement.

OP posts:
CailinDana · 21/05/2014 12:10

You are totally right that every child should get a chance and encouragement kat.
School productions are a total nightmare from the teacher's point of view. They take up an incredibly large amount of time and are very very stressful. On top of that a lot of teachers lack confidence in producing a good play with unskilled actors who might or might not be interested/talented/well-behaved. It's for that reason that they take short cuts and just choose the same old reliables for the big parts. They just see it as making their life easier, they don't really consider the impact on the children. As far as they're concerned they do enough in terms of getting the Y6s through SATs, sorting secondary visits etc - the work and admin in Y6 is absolutely massive.
Again, it's not an excuse and I do think it's lazy on the teacher's part but what I'm hoping to get across is that while this is understandably a very big thing for you and your DD, to the teacher it's not and it's nothing personal that she didn't get selected.
It would be worth talking to the school though.

Original poster
katmat3 · 21/05/2014 12:18

Thank you for understanding CailinDana.I think I actually needed more reassurance that I am not making things bigger than what they are.
I thought a lot about it and I decided that I will speak to HM but after the performance because they should improve that part.I wont talk about my DD but I will say it in general that they should improve and if she becomes defensive I will have plenty of examples.
Next year and year after and again will be someone else's DC who will suffer quietly and it's not fair.My DD really excelled academically so I am proud but there will be children who are more quiet and shy and they will be left at the back.
It's sad very .

OP posts:
WelshBlackbird · 21/05/2014 12:19

Whether you remove your DD from the school play is really the decision only you and your DD can make. You say your DD has previously represented her school in other areas.

My DD would be one of the children you are complaining about - although she hasn't had the LEAD part every year she has always landed one of the principal parts. It is probably because she has awards for singing, dance and drama and can be relied on to commit to her role and lead others who may be not so confident on the stage. Most of her free time is spent at various drama, dance and singing groups. It is what she lives for.

My DD would not EVER get opportunity to represent her school at sport or any academic subjects as she does not excel in these.

Do you think school should allocate the same children to represent their school in academic subjects and sporting activities and have the lead parts in the school play? Or do you think the school should allow each child to partake in the activities they excel in - thus giving most children a chance to shine?

moldingsunbeams · 21/05/2014 12:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Petrasmumma · 21/05/2014 12:28

For me it's not about representing the school, it's about the children enjoying themselves. I don't see the play as a competitive exercise like one would view a league netball match.

Original poster
katmat3 · 21/05/2014 12:29

WB ---performance at the end of Y6 is different than academic abilities surely?
I am NOT asking for the main part or big part but if it is about whole class,sorry I am not really interested in who has achievements in drama or dance.
So lets say someone less fortunate who can not afford all the classes should sit at the back because your DD has great knowledge and great stage presence (well done by the way ,you should be very proud Smile )?
Really ? Even at the end of Y6? No parent in the world wants to see the same group of kids leading the stage for few years. Everyone deserves to have at least some kind of line to say...Every child is equally important and should be treated fairly.

OP posts:
Original poster
katmat3 · 21/05/2014 12:31

I really think they should rotate the parts.That's what they should teach them --give them opportunity on such a important day,regardless of different achievements.
And just to make clear,I am not complaining about kids.It's about HT.

OP posts:
moldingsunbeams · 21/05/2014 12:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TantrumsAndBalloons · 21/05/2014 12:37

Ok, that's what you think.

Other parents may think it's not fair that their DCs don't get to represent the school academically

Other parents may feel their DCs should have the chance to represent the school at sports

Other parents may have DCs that do not have a line in the play and do not represent the school at anything at all.

No one is ever going to make an entire year groups parents happy.

IMVHO you are making this into a bigger deal than it is.

Original poster
katmat3 · 21/05/2014 12:37

moldingsunbeams--I hope you enjoyed it.In this play main kids (3 of them) have two characters which could have been shared between other kids.

OP posts:
Miggsie · 21/05/2014 12:37

I went through something similar with my DD when they "auditioned" for the play she was tried out for the lead roles - all the other girls who auditioned with her got lead roles and huge speaking parts - DD got to be in the chorus singing one verse of a song with 5 others - no lines at all.

I was absolutely livid and she was devastated. What made it worse was the other kids were the usual suspects and one clearly hated acting and spent the entire time in rehearsals looking at the floor.

The situation resolved itself when DD got a terrible case of flu and ended up missing the performance anyway but she found the rehearsals excruciating and boring and she knew she'd been passed over for the teacher's favourites.

It's a bitter pill. I hugely enjoyed pulling her out of the school the following term.

In her new school she consistently gets small but interesting parts and thoroughly enjoys herself (she doesn't want to be a lead).

Original poster
katmat3 · 21/05/2014 12:40

I am happy you are not in my situation TAB. It must feel good,but put yourself in my place.Same faces over three years while your DD sitting at the back? Really you are telling me you would be OK with that?Not sure.
I am sorry but as a parent I would like to see my DD occasionally not THE SAME kids.
But,very happy for you.

OP posts:
Original poster
katmat3 · 21/05/2014 12:43

Miggsie,it does hurt isn't it? I am devastated .At least for the last prduction she could have get at least one line.She will go but I am not happy at all.

OP posts:
WelshBlackbird · 21/05/2014 12:46

Yes I agree. School plays shouldn't have the same children in leads year after year but learning lines for lead roles are learned at home. Apart from the drama session the teacher would not be able to afford the time or take the children out of their lessons to learn lines. So I guess schools tend to rely on the children they know will commit to it.

My DD's school always changed the children who took the lead roles. Not all children are comfortable on stage. Not all children would want to be on stage saying lines on their own.

The last school Christmas play my DD did - almost 3 years ago now - was Scrooge. Obviously the principal part went to a boy. He has an insane amount of dialogue to learn! My DD at that time was given a part (not the main part) which required just a few lines but good acting skills. However, no-one except my DD could sing the song of the leading lady role so my DD was switched to that role. She hated it! She didn't want to sing that song and it was not a part she would have auditioned for (It is probably the worst song ever written! and in too high a key for most people to sing).

She was given a choice - either do it or we will have to scrap the show. Leading boy had learned all his lines, as had everyone else. So DD went with it.

What play is your DD's school doing?

You are saying you are not interested in who has the capability and stage prescence. That is like saying "I don't see why that girl is representing her school in an academic subject she excels in. I know my DD doesn't but why cant she do it?" Obviously school is going to choose the pupils who are most capable - at whatever? My son was absolute rubbish at rugby. His friend was brilliant. Which of them should have represented their school in the rugby squad?

moldingsunbeams · 21/05/2014 12:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ElizaDolittle2 · 21/05/2014 12:50

Your DD has had a chance to shine in other activities though. Maybe other parents feel that their children are getting a 'shine' in this because they don't get a chance on anything else.

If they should rotate these parts then by your own logic then they should also rotate all of the other things that your daughter always takes part in.

It is a end of year school play and you really are making this into a much bigger deal than it is.

LithaR · 21/05/2014 12:51

I was in the same boat as you CrystalSkull. Professionally trained by a church choir so used to support the rest of the chorus. I even was the one standing in for children to practice with for main parts.

Original poster
katmat3 · 21/05/2014 12:51

Competitions are different matter.This is their last performance for primary school.They are Y6. My heart is stopping. It's not about representing school in some competition--if it is for dance and drama,for example-your DD should go ,no question about that.Not all of them share same abilities.Saying that,this is last performance (Lion King-adapted ) and I really never complained .I was always quiet and supportive but this time IS different.
It bothers me injustice...It does.

OP posts:
LaurieMarlow · 21/05/2014 12:53

I really don't see why this is different to choosing children to represent the school academically or for sport.

If I were the teacher, I'd be focused on putting on the best performance possible - and if that meant using certain children because they're particularly talented/easy to direct/a safe pair of hands then so be it.

I wouldn't keep the most physically talented kids off a sports team in the interests of being fair and sharing the opportunities around. Why is drama different?

OP, if I was in your position, I would feel a bit sad about it, but I think the best thing your daughter can do is give 100% to the part she has and really enjoy it.

DogCalledRudis · 21/05/2014 13:00

If it is an inter-school competition, its another thing. But a school play, a school sports day is about taking part and learning.

WelshBlackbird · 21/05/2014 13:00

OP When your DD gets to high school she will be able to join drama club in her lunch time. Every child will be able to audition for the part s/he would like. That is not saying she will get the part she wants.

My DD does not attend school drama club - because she received a great deal of resentment from other children and their parents on the one occasion she got the lead in year 7. The drama teacher is not pleased that she doesn't attend - because she knows DD would be as asset to the group. Cant win eh?

runningonwillpower · 21/05/2014 13:00

Much as we may like to, we cannot make life perfect for our children (or ourselves).

The very best we can do is teach them to cope with the unfairness and disappointments that life will certainly throw in their way.
To this day, my grown-up daughter will seek my advice in the sure knowledge (her words) that I can be relied upon for a dose of perspective.
Annoying as this situation might be it should be filed under 'no-one promised that life would be fair'.
kstmst3 - your daughter obviously has a lot going for her. Be grateful and let this one go.