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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to take my DD out of end of the year production in Y6???

363 replies

katmat3 · 20/05/2014 16:28

Please tell me because lately I am not thinking with clear head.
My DD is not chosen again for any part ( except singing and dancing with few other kids) . It's not the first time and maybe my pregnancy hormones are working but it's something that is happening all the time. I am aware as other few parents are that headmistress has certain kids that she always puts up as a frontrunners for everything ..But for everything all the time??? Really???I am talking about last 3 years.
Same kids,same main parts.I am gutted for my DD. I am not bragging but she is really good ,confident,very committed to her work or any given task but she just has bad luck.
This production is for Y6 mainly and she actually doesn't have any part.I signed the letter for her to give tomorrow that she will not participate (only one probably) but I can't let her always be in the corner while the SAME kids are always doing the parts...
AIBU???Please.
If I missed anything I will add....

OP posts:
TantrumsAndBalloons · 21/05/2014 13:09

katmat

My ds1 was never picked for a part in the school play. any part

In the year 6 play he was part of the choir.

So yes, I have been in your position. So have hundreds of other parents.

It's a year 6 "production"

The last ever time you will have to look at the same children playing the main parts.

Next year, in secondary school there will be A LOT of year 7 students and your DC will most likely not get picked for every single thing she wants to do.

She will be on the stage, with her friends, celebrating their time at the school.
You will be there in the audience.

Enjoy it for what it is.

This is the last primary school play for her. You should enjoy it. Don't spoil it for you and your dd, make it a happy memory to look back on.

katmat3 · 21/05/2014 13:11

runningonwillpower,you are right ,I will let it go.
Today is the last day of school-off for 10 days.It will give me time to relax and appreciate more things which are more important.
This is nothing probably in comparison to secondary school....

OP posts:
katmat3 · 21/05/2014 13:12

TAB --I know you are right ..I will relax and enjoy her hard work and dedication.Prepare her for secondary and arrival of a new baby..Smile
Thank you all for very valuable advices...Thanks

OP posts:
moldingsunbeams · 21/05/2014 13:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

runningonwillpower · 21/05/2014 13:20

This is nothing probably in comparison to secondary school....

You've got that right!

In fact, it's nothing compared to the rest of her life.

My children have no idea how much I angst on their behalf. It would horrify them. Not least because that is akin to making it my problem not theirs - children hate that.

My role is to help them cope, not to engineer the perfect scenario.

It sounds like you're getting that perspective! Take care.

katmat3 · 21/05/2014 13:22

I am sad and gutted but I will get over it.I never asked for a big or main part-no.Just something that she can mark her place...3 years is really sad and unfair.Maybe I should have said something before but I am not a complainer until now that it actually made me very disappointed.
But as I said I am still VERY proud of her...

OP posts:
ElizaDolittle2 · 21/05/2014 13:29

You have said that not all children share the same abilities when it comes to academics and the same logic therefore in the school play.

This is others children's chance, who may be better at it than your DD.

As others have said, if you carry on with this sort if thinking you will be camped outside the HT office when they start secondary school.

WelshBlackbird · 21/05/2014 13:30

Oh believe me any disappointment or anger you may feel at Primary School is NOTHING to what you are going to go through when your DD gets to high School - Be prepared!

SpringHeeledJack · 21/05/2014 13:31

awww, OP, this is so crap

at our primary, they do the Y6 show FOR THE KIDS- they're not putting on flippin Hamlet or the Book of Mormon. All the kids who want to have a speaking part get one- they split all the lead roles so everyone gets a shot. The kids who would rather die than speak or sing a solo get to do the lights or the props.

Imo this is the only way to do it- so it's fun. It's more work for the teachers, who frantically have to adapt everything so everyone gets a shout, but everyone has a good time.

I do feel sorry for your DD and for you, but think you have to be all bright about it and just make a big show of Getting On With It- and hope her next school is a bit more inclusive! Good luck to both of you!

WilsonFrickett · 21/05/2014 13:31

It's very rude to call people insensitive when they put forward another pov.

Mentioning SNs was an attempt to help you put this in perspective and think of the children who never get any chance to shine.

But tbh you are now revelling in the drama of this so I am actually out.

katmat3 · 21/05/2014 13:42

Thank you for advices.I didn't say that you are insensitive WF. What I was saying it insensitive to compare two totally different situations.Your advice is valuable and thank you for your input.I said that as well because I am working with SN children and it wouldn't even fit on the page achievements they are achieved but that is different topic.

OP posts:
barbaracox · 21/05/2014 13:50

I'm happy to say that at my school, we judge children based on what they are taught in school and not on what they may or may not learn outside school time.

For example, we teach academic and sporting skills to all, which makes it fair to choose a team based on ability for these areas. Furthermore, we field as many teams as there are keen children, no child is denied an opportunity to play if they would like to.

Drama is not something we teach as a skill in the same way, rather more as a fun way to explore ideas. Although we do have a number of children who take Speech&Drama outside school, we don't promote these children over those who, for whatever reason, do not take such classes when it comes to casting a play. Everyone gets a part in a production who wants one, (our children appreciate on stage as well as off stage roles) and above all, we keep it relaxed. How could we judge children based on something that happens both outside school and outside their control? It's not representative of my school's ethos and would be a sad end to what should be an unqualified happy memory of year six.

In short, the production is about the experience of taking part and enjoying the process, rather than simply showcasing talent which we can't take any credit for.

I understand completely why you are concerned about your daughter's role in her final production, suggest you chat with the Head to see how she can be more fully included as a leaver.

Barbara.

katmat3 · 21/05/2014 13:57

Thank you Barbara so much.You did summarized what I was trying to say.I will talk to head but after the performance in July.I will wait because I don't want her to take some parts from other kids just to make me happy,which is highly likely.I don't want to see no ones child upset.It's them who made it to look so bad (head).At least if they had auditions and she didn't get through at all.But they were just given the parts.It should be about fun,working together for the last time and enjoyment.
But I will be quiet and supportive of my DD...I don't want my feelings to spoil her time and definitely I will reassure her if needed.

OP posts:
angelinterceptor · 21/05/2014 14:03

at our primary school the children in their final year, get all the main parts and anyone who wants a line, or more gets it too.
The other years, make up the supporting roles, and NEVER get speaking roles.

AND, the parents of the final year group, also get reserved seating in the front rows!

next year my DD will be in final year and is already looking forward to getting a part at last!

WelshBlackbird · 21/05/2014 14:04

Barbaracox are you saying the boy who attends rugby training three times a week and plays under 10's rugby for his country wont be considered to play for your school's rugby team because he hasn't learned his skills at school? Would you really choose a boy who's only experience of rugby is at a weekly half hour sport lesson at school?

barbaracox · 21/05/2014 14:07

I'm sure they can find ways your daughter can get involved without removing a role from another child. Give them a chance to rectify this.

Viviennemary · 21/05/2014 14:09

Leave it up to her whether she takes part or not. But no point in getting stressed. Somebody's child will be the star so somebody else's won't.

katmat3 · 21/05/2014 14:11

Thank you Barbara.That what it is...enjoyment ,togetherness and teamwork.She has been excluded and another 4 kids (5 of them) .She has to attend every single rehearsal not sure why?To make her feel less important ...I remember my last year in primary-it was magical and all of us had something to say....
I should be less sensitive but I just can't.She is mine and I wouldn't like no other parent to feel same way.
I lost total respect for HM and system.

OP posts:
WelshBlackbird · 21/05/2014 14:20

Barbaracox please answer my previous question. What about the girl who's parents want her to be a mathematical genius and pays for private maths tuition, so she can take her GCSE early. Would she be upstaged by a girl who has learned maths at a half hour weekly session at school, when school is looking for competitors for inter-school maths competition??

katmat3 · 21/05/2014 14:24

WB-Barbara was giving me advice. Someone did mentioned that their DD attends Drama outside of school,has all this awards and achievements and that's why she is probably chosen for the parts.
What I was saying in school those things should not be relevant-school is school and everyone should be treated the same.

OP posts:
WelshBlackbird · 21/05/2014 14:28

Katman your daughter has a part to play. She has not been excluded at all! Have you seen rehearsal of the show? This puts me in mind when my ds was in Infant School. One mum excitedly wrote all over FB that her ds had been "chosen" to play Joseph at a Christmas concert., and was so pleased he wasn't "just another shepherd". Others commented what their children were cast as - mainly Angels and Shepherds (again! :)) She had an outfit made (at great cost!) and arrived at the school hours early so she could bag the best seat.

Joseph and Mary made their appearance on stage, with a donkey and the Baby Jesus of course :) . Neither said a word and spent the remaining concert time sat right at the back of the stage.

The Angels and Shepherds, however, had lots of lines to say and songs to sing :)

Coumarin · 21/05/2014 14:29

Well I think we all know where she gets her drama skills from.

barbaracox · 21/05/2014 14:30

No, Welshblackbird, I am not.

Sport is not taught in the same way as Drama, which I think I mentioned in my post above. The children are given a complete training in the game for their age group and significantly more time is devoted to it during a school week to achieve this.

In this way, we have set out to teach the children how to play rugby. Conversely, we have not set out to teach them how to act.

WelshBlackbird · 21/05/2014 14:31

Yes Katman that "someone" would be me! :) My dd has London College of Music Awards for Music Theatre performance. I cannot see why she would not be given a chance at school productions just because she didn't learn her skills in school! Especially when Primary School do not have drama on the curriculum??

WelshBlackbird · 21/05/2014 14:36

In my children's Primary School every child had the same sport lesson - half an hour a week! There is no drama class - drama is not on the curriculum. I am pleased that their school chose the best for the job - whatever that may have been. Despite where they learned their skills. My son tried hard to get into the school rugby team. He wasn't good enough! Oh well.........He got over it and moved on to something he was good at. My children have been brought up hearing "Everybody is good at something. Nobody is good at everything".