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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to take my DD out of end of the year production in Y6???

363 replies

katmat3 · 20/05/2014 16:28

Please tell me because lately I am not thinking with clear head.
My DD is not chosen again for any part ( except singing and dancing with few other kids) . It's not the first time and maybe my pregnancy hormones are working but it's something that is happening all the time. I am aware as other few parents are that headmistress has certain kids that she always puts up as a frontrunners for everything ..But for everything all the time??? Really???I am talking about last 3 years.
Same kids,same main parts.I am gutted for my DD. I am not bragging but she is really good ,confident,very committed to her work or any given task but she just has bad luck.
This production is for Y6 mainly and she actually doesn't have any part.I signed the letter for her to give tomorrow that she will not participate (only one probably) but I can't let her always be in the corner while the SAME kids are always doing the parts...
AIBU???Please.
If I missed anything I will add....

OP posts:
ElizaDolittle2 · 20/05/2014 22:27

Peevishness -

  1. cross, querulous, or fretful, as from vexation or discontent: a peevish youngster.
  2. showing annoyance, irritation, or bad mood: a peevish reply; a peevish frown.
  3. perverse or obstinate.
Original poster
katmat3 · 20/05/2014 22:29

So why she needs to offend me?When I do mistake I apologise ...Sad

OP posts:
TheOriginalSteamingNit · 20/05/2014 22:33

No, I'm saying if you pulled your dd out, it might look or (later) feel like peevishness. And that would be a shame.

Original poster
katmat3 · 20/05/2014 22:39

O sorry-English is not my first language as you can see from my posts .Thank you...I get it now.

OP posts:
TheOriginalSteamingNit · 20/05/2014 22:45

That's alright: I didn't mean to offend, but I do think it would be a shame to pull dd out.

Original poster
katmat3 · 20/05/2014 22:49

As I mentioned before ,she will participate it's me who needs to think on the bright side. I am really thankful on all advices which I received.

OP posts:
manicinsomniac · 20/05/2014 23:21

well you can make speaking parts for all in a large group but it often means:
a) dividing the children up and doing more than one play
b) breaking copywright by writing in extra parts and splitting parts.

I do both but it's incredibly hard work and illegal.

For big productions I couldn't and wouldn't want to give every child a speaking part. I can squeeze 35-40 speaking parts into a big musical but we have a cast of 70-80.

For year group productions I do think it's important that everybody speaks but we have a 3 class intake so I have to do 3 different productions which I do for 3 out of the 6 year groups. It means different sets, costumes, rehearsals and is incredibly hard work. And parents still moan that their child's part isn't big enough!

I suggested to the last parent who told me that 11 lines was no where near enough for her (apparent prodigy) of a child when some other children had nearly 100 (can't believe she counted!) that her child should give up its place on the A team to a child with less ability in sport. Apparently that's different!

WilsonFrickett · 20/05/2014 23:25

Jeez manic are you doing 9 productions a year then? That's so much work! Thanks

Original poster
katmat3 · 20/05/2014 23:27

Manic-that's really madness.But it's different to what I am talking about.

OP posts:
hmc · 20/05/2014 23:33

My ds didn't bother attending in Y4 when he was a none speaking rat in the Pied Piper. Similar scenario - same old suspects selected for the glamour roles. He wasn't bothered about attending and I wanted to be a bit arsey and metaphorically flick the V's at the teacher

Shewhowines · 20/05/2014 23:37

This can be extended to other areas of school life. There are the few that get attention because they are good all rounders. There are others that get attention because they have behaviour problems or have special needs that teachers work hard with to help them with.
There are the middle few that fly beneath the radar. They excel at nothing, but are not noticed because they are not bad enough to register with the teacher.
These are the ones that are constantly overlooked and I feel sorry for.

I have seen this countless times, with one of my own children, and in a professional capacity.

Original poster
katmat3 · 20/05/2014 23:40

Kids they notice things and yes,she is ok now but I know it's not fair.It's just sad ...

OP posts:
manicinsomniac · 20/05/2014 23:52

I do more than 9 Wilson ( 1 X Y3, 1 X Y4, 3 X Y5, 3 X Y6, 3 X Y7, 1 X Y8, 1 X senior musical, 1 X G&T and 1 X dance) but I am a Performing Arts teacher (with some English to prove I can 'be a real teacher too' Shock Wink ) so it's a bit different.

I agree your situation sounds different Katmat. But I suspect that if a parent came on here upset about my casting (which they probably have at some point!) it might sound like they were in the right too.

I think you have made a great decision to let your dd take part. I hope she is able to enjoy it. And, you never know, sometimes these plays evolve as they go on - she may end up getting a line yet.

WilsonFrickett · 21/05/2014 10:36

Yeah but I still need to go for a lie down after reading that list manic.

It's also worth saying that as a Perf Arts teacher you probably put more thought and effort into casting than a class teacher who is pulling together a show. And you're more experienced, so if a child does freeze or not work out, you can work round that. A class teacher may well focus on the old hands they know they will deliver on the day.

I agree that turning up with the right attitude, learning the entire play and being interested would serve OP's DD well.

And finally as an old hoofer myself: there are no small parts. Only small actors Grin (how long have I waited to say that on MN?)

Original poster
katmat3 · 21/05/2014 10:56

She went to school happy but I am not happy.I don't wish any parents to see their child with few more forgotten kids every performance singing in the background and clapping.
The problem is-IT'S YEAR AFTER YEAR - same kids lead every part.
It is NOT fair,it's bad from the teachers to let that happen.
I am not talking about London Palladium performance.It's a small performance for ALL Y6 parents.
I woke up still unhappy but my lovely DD doesn't know that neither I would show her that....
I am not talking about auditions for the part and all those extras.HM just allocated parts---that's not fair.
And children notice when something is NOT fair.....

OP posts:
Picturesinthefirelight · 21/05/2014 11:06

There are no small parts only small actors

Dd was disappointed when she didn't get a singing part in her year 6 production. I told her in no uncertain terms to get in with it. She had a comedy speaking role & led the dancing.

She's now in a full time dance school where get year shell be lucky to be in the back line if the chorus.

The ensemble are a vital part if every production. I've had parents complain their child hasn't had a speaking part when most if the show has been through sung & you have to act your way through the songs - go figure.

Original poster
katmat3 · 21/05/2014 11:15

This performance-25 kids have parts of who 3 of the kids have double parts (two different acts).
5 kids including my DD are in the background singing with the rest of the class,clapping and rocking.Go figure the HM?
I can't be more clear than that,can I?
And this is like this for the past 3 years,same faces are doing main things.

OP posts:
Original poster
katmat3 · 21/05/2014 11:17

by the way-I don't want my to be dancer or actress -that's not the point.
Point is -treat the kids in the same way.
3 times per year they have to go to church with the class--same kids are reading as well.I never EVER complained but now I understand how teachers can be unfair.

OP posts:
CailinDana · 21/05/2014 11:23

Oh dear, I was the kid who got all the parts at school. It happened because I was a trained actor and the teacher could rely on me to "carry" the play and make the school look good. It was not at all fair though, I totally agree.
The only excuse I can give is that school productions are incredibly stressful for the teacher (I've also been a teacher!) and if there are children who've shown in the past that they can be relied upon then chances are they'll be chosen in order to make life easier for the teacher. I never did this myself, as I think it's lazy, but I've known other teachers to do it.

I haven't had a chance to read the entire thread - have you spoken to the teacher? Are you going to?

Picturesinthefirelight · 21/05/2014 11:25

OP - is your dd any good at acting?

Picturesinthefirelight · 21/05/2014 11:25

And more importantly can she take direction?

WilsonFrickett · 21/05/2014 11:29

OK OP one last post then I'm out of here for the day.

AIBU to complain to the school about having favourites? Three DCs took the SATs a year early, and it's always the same children who represent the school in spelling tests and maths competitions. Yes, OK, my child has always had a part in the play, but she has no interest in performing or being an actor and my heart is hurt because no-one thinks she is clever enough to do the academic things.

My point is. Your DD is one of the favourites, just not at this particular subject. As someone with a child with SN (yes people, I'm playing the card!) who will never be picked to represent his school at anything, you need to get a grip.

Original poster
katmat3 · 21/05/2014 11:34

As I mentioned earlier on-she is really good at memorizing parts,taking directions + dancing.I have another DD,bless her heart but for example she is really not for stage-she is quiet and shy,she is more science type-explorer.
Teacher always says that she is all rounder and that she doesn't get usually children like her (Y6 DD.)
We all love and dote on our DC but she is really good.
I don't want to drop feed a lot,but she is trained in ballet,jazz and street dance.Because of the time restriction she had to choose between that and tennis(another thing where she is successful and she loves it).She chose tennis.With her dance academy she did some amazing performances including RAH. Teacher doesn't know that neither I would ever go and say things like that in school.That's our private life. With saying all this I am just trying to say that she is very confident and she knows how to work the stage.BUT it's not about that,it's about collective work of Y6 for parents.

OP posts:
Original poster
katmat3 · 21/05/2014 11:38

WF-I work with SN children and it's not fair you changing my post into something I never talked about.
I still have right on my feelings surely? I have to ask-do you stay at home and not go for a holiday just because your neighbour can't afford? I don't think so-but that's totally different subject as it's the one you mentioned in your (for me) insensitive post.

OP posts:
DogCalledRudis · 21/05/2014 11:44

Of course not all children are meant to be stage performers, and many couldn't care less. But it is a bloody school play, not a West End performance. Its not about selecting only the best, its about giving a chance to try. Or am i wrong?