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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to sing at Baby Group

147 replies

Writerwannabe83 · 20/05/2014 09:03

I have an 8 week old DS and a few weeks ago I started attending a Baby Group which my neighbour invited me to. It's at a lovely place, full of women and babies, loads of lovely toys and all the women chat to each other with no sense of "My baby is better than yours" going on. These factors make the group enjoyable.

However, at the end of the session is Sing Song time and I find it so, so cringy! We all get handed out that days particular song sheet and we are expected to sing songs about ducks and scarecrows whilst carrying out silly dance and hand movements to go with the words. Obviously the babies have to join in with all the dancing Personally I think the whole thing is very embarrassing.

Unfortunately Sing Song time is my neighbours favourite part of the session and whilst she is sitting on the mats, eagerly participating, I can see she isn't too impressed that I stay seated on my chair, do not join in and look at everyone else like I'm in some kind of alternative Universe.

I'm going to the group this afternoon and have absolutely no desire to join in with Sing Song time again. My friends think I'm being ridiculous and should just join in with the spirit of things...

AIBU to think singing about Winding Bobbins and a star that goes Twinkle Twinkle is my idea of a complete nightmare which should definitely be avoided??

OP posts:

CollectorofCookbooks · 20/05/2014 09:06

YANBU. I will quite happily sing at home with my DTs but organised singing makes me cringe. And don't even get me started on dancing in public. I need several stiff guns to make me do that with any sort of panache and that's definitely frowned upon at baby groups!

And yes, I know it's good for development but it makes me go all embarrassed to do it in front of people. I still do it though...

CollectorofCookbooks · 20/05/2014 09:06

Guns?! Gins!

KenAdams · 20/05/2014 09:09

It's not about you really, is it?

SavoyCabbage · 20/05/2014 09:09

I liked the singing the best too. It never crossed my mind to be embarrassed so it may not have occurred to your neighbour that you feel like that.

I would just tell her that you feel shy about it. Perhaps do some tidying of washing up at that part. She might be able to manage the two dc for that part. It wouldn't have bothered me if someone asked me to involve their child.

I would have sung enough for two

Seeline · 20/05/2014 09:10

Please try and get over your embarrassment - your DCs will pick up on it and it will discourage them from taking part. Singing (and all the dancing/actions) is great for their development - language in particular. It's not just the words of the rhymes and songs, but the rhythm as well, which is emphasised by the movements. The movements will also help their physical development. Don't put them off before they've had a chance to try.

Ploppy16 · 20/05/2014 09:11

Sit on the floor and mouth the words while moving your DC's hands in a vaguely musical fashion .
It worked for me for years.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 20/05/2014 09:12

I always loved the singing!

DizzyKipper · 20/05/2014 09:16

I understand to a certain extent, not being one for singing in public either. But as KenAdams has said, it's not really about you. The kids really love it, which I guess is why we join in regardless of how silly we may feel, though your son right now is still prob a bit small to be getting the joy out of it. If you really don't like this part or want to join in then why not just leave before?

melika · 20/05/2014 09:19

It's probably because you DS is so young, but when he get more aware of his surroundings, he will love it and maybe you will enjoy his reaction.

I used to love it too.

TheSarcasticFringehead · 20/05/2014 09:19

I hated the singing, but then I'm shy and sing terribly.

fluffyraggies · 20/05/2014 09:19

Sing and play with your baby at home. Sitting out sing time with tiny babies wont make anything awful happen. Your child will do singing and signing in reception and the first years at school.

I've never attended a baby group in my life. DD4 is developing nicely and my older 3 are managing school, college, driving and work perfectly well in spite of it

Hamnvik · 20/05/2014 09:20

YANBU! I don't go to baby groups for this very reason, I DO NOT DO SINGING! Why can't you just have baby groups that are for playing and chatting, why do they always have to involve singing?! And the stupid hand movements?!
Sorry for ranting, I'm glad I'm not the only one though.

IhavetowaitHOWlong · 20/05/2014 09:20

You do realise that the other mums are too busy gazing lovingly at their DC to pay a blind bit of attention to the quality of your performance don't you?

Seeline is absolutely right, please try to get over your embarrassment and join in for the sake of your DC, it would be a shame if your anxiety made them reluctant to take part. You might even find you start to enjoy it as DC starts to engage with it more

esberj · 20/05/2014 09:22

You don't have to sing, or even pretend. So don't.

But perhaps sit with them all and help your baby to join in (vaguely) with the movement part.

klmnop · 20/05/2014 09:22

yabu
I agree it isn't about you is it! Singing and rhymes are so important for their development and I agree if you don't join in, your baby could pick up on it over time and be reluctant to join in with activities as he gets older. My little girl and I sing together all the time everywhere, even in the Supermarket and it doesn't bother me one jot. I think you need to get over yourself a little bit!

dreamingbohemian · 20/05/2014 09:24

I really really cannot sing and feel very awkward in group singalongs. It's not something I ever did with DS, I don't think it did him any harm! He still loves music and all that. So YANBU to not participate. But I think perhaps you are BU a bit if you are making it plain to others that you find it silly. Better to just be all, oh I don't want to torture you with my singing.

esberj · 20/05/2014 09:24

Or find another group where no singing involved, they're not for everyone after all. And it won't be long before your baby can join music/movement type groups without the need for your participation.

BerniesBurneze · 20/05/2014 09:24

I agree with the mumbling and waving your baby's arms around

fluffyraggies · 20/05/2014 09:26

It's possible to enjoy singing together allot with your DCs as klmnop describes while at the same time not enjoying the more enclosed, intense sort of group singing at a meet-up though.

dreamingbohemian · 20/05/2014 09:27

And I'm sorry but there is no way an 8 week old baby is going to suffer in their development because mummy sits out singing time.

esberj · 20/05/2014 09:29

True, dreaming!

Soupqueen · 20/05/2014 09:38

It is a bit rude to be looking at everyone else like you're in an alternative universe. Join in, or don't, but lose the sneery attitude about those who do it - especially if you like other aspects of the group and want to keep going.

FWIW, I've found some of the songs I've learned at these sessions absolutely invaluable for cheering up an unhappy baby. That's not to say I'm a fan of winding the fucking bobbin, but they serve a purpose.

Thenapoleonofcrime · 20/05/2014 09:39

I don't think developmentally you have to do this whatsoever, however I think it is rude to go along to a group and then not join in obviously- by sitting out or not even moving your mouth at all. That's just embarrassing for everyone, far more embarrassing than mouthing the words.

I loved sing time, and have always sung loads to my kids very badly but I wouldn't want to sit next to someone so obviously disliking it. Then you are spoiling everyone's enjoyment and making them feel self-conscious.

Options might be to sit in the circle but don't sing (I know people at church who never sing), or go home early before it starts, or if it all too awful don't go. The option to sit in the chair glum faced when everyone else is sitting there joining in is not really polite, IMO.

ProfYaffle · 20/05/2014 09:43

I agree with Napoleon, it is a bit rude to just sit on the side and make no effort at all. Just sit in the circle and do the mumbling/arm waving thing, I think that's fairly standard (unless you're my dh who was very happy to loudly clown around at that sort of thing! Group leaders were usually very grateful to have him)

at CollectorofCookBooks singing at gun point!

tothesea · 20/05/2014 09:46

Oh dear...I do remember this first time round with DS1.. I felt like I was in some kind of spoof TV show, everyone so earnest and overly smiley. I couldn't believe this was my life now! However I did get used to it and quite enjoyed it...up until the point DS1 startedr refusing to take part! DS2 is a little more into a sing song..and in the nicest possible way OP, that's all it is..a wee sing song with babies.

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