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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to sing at Baby Group

147 replies

Writerwannabe83 · 20/05/2014 09:03

I have an 8 week old DS and a few weeks ago I started attending a Baby Group which my neighbour invited me to. It's at a lovely place, full of women and babies, loads of lovely toys and all the women chat to each other with no sense of "My baby is better than yours" going on. These factors make the group enjoyable.

However, at the end of the session is Sing Song time and I find it so, so cringy! We all get handed out that days particular song sheet and we are expected to sing songs about ducks and scarecrows whilst carrying out silly dance and hand movements to go with the words. Obviously the babies have to join in with all the dancing Hmm Personally I think the whole thing is very embarrassing.

Unfortunately Sing Song time is my neighbours favourite part of the session and whilst she is sitting on the mats, eagerly participating, I can see she isn't too impressed that I stay seated on my chair, do not join in and look at everyone else like I'm in some kind of alternative Universe.

I'm going to the group this afternoon and have absolutely no desire to join in with Sing Song time again. My friends think I'm being ridiculous and should just join in with the spirit of things... Hmm

AIBU to think singing about Winding Bobbins and a star that goes Twinkle Twinkle is my idea of a complete nightmare which should definitely be avoided??

OP posts:
MuddlingMackem · 20/05/2014 16:30

I hated singing, but only one of the two groups I went to did that.

YANBU for not wanting to sing, I didn't join in, but if the DC felt like joining in they did. They learnt most of the songs at daycare nursery anyway so me not joining in didn't dampen their enthusiasm one jot. Grin

ChaffinchOfDoom · 20/05/2014 16:30

Grin balloonslayer

I've got an 8 wk old, 3rd dc, no way I'm starting baby groups until he's at least 2 1/2 a good few months old.

ChaffinchOfDoom · 20/05/2014 16:31

and I'm a loud singer and violent dancer Smile

widdle · 20/05/2014 16:42

Also I know that your baby is still very young and won't be getting much out of songtime yet but other babies are enjoying themselves.

I've noticed that my DS will look around at everyone to make sure they are having as much fun as he is. If he saw you looking glum he would be giving you his best nose crunching grin to get you to smile. I've been to some sessions where the mothers just look totally miserable and cats bum about it and their poor babies don't seem to be enjoying themselves half as much as they should.

I guarantee once your DS is old enough to join in you'll be judging the person sitting out of the way with a cats bum face Wink

waterrat · 20/05/2014 16:50

I felt like this with a tiny baby - but now my two year old is literally leaping and squeaking with excitment when the songs come on - I just think tiny babies dont need this, but you need the company so go, smile and join in, its not nice to be a sour face when other people are trying their best!

passmethewineplease · 20/05/2014 16:57

YANBU.

My six month old hears me sing all the time... At home. That group rhyme stuff isn't for me personally.

minipie · 20/05/2014 16:57

who says tiny babies don't need it? one of the first times DD smiled was to me singing (could have been laughing at my ineptness of course)

it can't be coincidence that parents have sung to their babies to soothe them for millenia

Nutellanutellanutella · 20/05/2014 17:03

I agree with KenAdams.

OP, why do you find it so embarrassing?

curiousuze · 20/05/2014 17:09

Oh godddd I hated this as well. I have the world's worst singing voice and just find things like this so cringey. I would pretend to sing, or just not go back! Your DS won't care either way Smile

ArtFine · 20/05/2014 17:16

I love the singing session. I think I enjoy it more than my DD Shock

TheRealAmandaClarke · 20/05/2014 19:55

YAbu.
Suck it up grumpy pants Grin

Chocotrekkie · 20/05/2014 20:01

I hated it at first too - but somehow a few years later ended up being the slightly over enthusiastic mum at the front leading the singing.

No I still don't quite know how that happened.

m0therofdragons · 20/05/2014 21:39

I loved the singing bit as it taught me the songs I'd forgotten and in my opinion is essential for teaching children to talk and later helps with phonics and reading. You don't have to sing loudly. Tbh dd1 cried a lot but during singing age was quiet, dtds love singing and now at 2 sing along and do the actions, have excellent speech and confidence that I think singing has helped with.
That doesn't mean you have to like it - I don't really like nappies filled with poo but that's all part of having a baby.

kungfupannda · 21/05/2014 07:30

If you don't want to do it, don't do it. I'm not a massive fan, but I used to just do the movements and mumble a bit.

But if you sit there and "look at everyone else like I'm in some kind of alternative Universe" you are probably making other people feel uncomfortable, and it sounds like you're choosing to make your distaste clear, and that's really not on.

Either leave early, or be polite. Staring at people as if they're bonkers for unlikely to make people warm to you.

Dogsmom · 21/05/2014 07:52

I used to be you op, even before dd was born I had declared there was no way I was going to sit in a happy clappy circle singing songs and for the first few months I didn't, I used to time her feed for half hour before the end of class so she'd be asleep and I could sit at the side just rocking her.

As she got older though she wanted to join in and would look over so I initially sat bright red amongst them and mimed the words.

I did and still do have pnd, that along with being a naturally shy person made it so much harder but I'd hate her to end up like me, I'm the one at parties who won't dance despite really wanting to and at my local weight loss and baby group am always sat on my own envying the people who sit chatting and wonder just how they do it, it was making dd the same and she was crying at strangers and would crawl back to me if I placed her in a group of other babies.

So with that in mind I have forced myself to sit amongst the singers and even go to a specific group one a week where we all sing and dd really loves it, she's 14 months and joins in with the actions and I have seen an improvement with her social skills. The singing gives my mouth something to do so I don't have to try and make conversation but at least dd and I are joining in and part of a group.

Mrsantithetic · 21/05/2014 08:05

I struggle too but I've come to realise no one is listening or watching me as we all watch our babies. Dd is 21 months and loves them so it's for her really

Greenstone · 21/05/2014 08:17

Never been to a baby group and no plans to go. We still sing loads at home, who doesn't? Dd has been singing twinkle twinkle since 1 year. She's dine and seems really musical. Your baby will be fine if you politely skip the singing part, really!

Greenstone · 21/05/2014 08:18

Fine.

Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 21/05/2014 08:19

Maybe I will feel differently when DS is older - or if he was at least awake. I have been to 3 sessions and he slept through all of them.

I have enrolled him on a Baby Sensory course (which runs for 7 weeks and has to be paid for) which is for babies up to the age of 6 months. I'm wondering whether there will be singing there....

OP posts:
hotteaorcoldwine · 21/05/2014 08:24

I never went to baby groups til mine were about four months old. They slept and fed too much before then.

Don't sit giving sneery looks as if you're the only person to ever feel like that though. It's not very nice.

pianodoodle · 21/05/2014 08:31

I didn't mind the singing bit at the end so much apart from the fact that the enthusiastic leader couldn't hold a tune :)

I felt a bit awkward the first week when they started into "Jesus love is very wonderful" but didn't feel in a position to refuse as it was a church hall after all :D

There aren't many groups near me that aren't churchy really. I was relieved to look around and see I wasn't the only parent struggling to remember the words though!

deepinthewoods · 21/05/2014 09:30

There are several options.

  1. Leave before the singing- you said it was at the end anyway, so you could make up an excuse- picking up someone regulary for instance.
  1. Join in but unethusiastically. Sit on a cushion, mime the words, make limited hand movements.
  1. Push yourself to join in. Motherhood is a journey and over the next few years you will be tested to the limits in all sorts of ways you can't even imagine. Look on it as a challenge, drop your inhibitions, because you know what- it's going to get worse before it gets better,and this singing thing will only ramp up and intensify in the next few years.

So you can either accept the fact that your daughter is going to find it hard to join in these things at playgroup/nursery/school as she models her behaviour on you, or you can woman up and face your demons.

BTM option 3 is the one I would recommend.

OcadoSubstitutedMyHummus · 21/05/2014 10:14

If youre not willing to sing at baby group youre going to hate baby sensory. Not only do you have to sing, you have to be willing to do all kinds of silly activities with them.

fromparistoberlin73 · 21/05/2014 10:22

woman up and SING!!!! your DD will love you for it

I know what you mean though

BuildYourOwnSnowman · 21/05/2014 10:26

The only group I never went back to was the one where they made us all sit in a circle and introduce ourselves by singing 'my names mummy and this is baby. Hello' and everyone had to sing back 'hello mummy. Hello baby'

I hate singing (told by a teacher i should mine because i sound so awful and that was the end of any enthusiasm!) but can manage to quietly sing in a group but this was just too much and instead of singing I spoke my line which unfortunately came out in the much posher accent I seem to develop when I'm nervous. Everyone thought I was being a snotty cow and shunned me for the rest of the session

Took me a while to leave the house again after that!

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