To not want to sing at Baby Group

[Writerwannabe83]

I have an 8 week old DS and a few weeks ago I started attending a Baby Group which my neighbour invited me to. It's at a lovely place, full of women and babies, loads of lovely toys and all the women chat to each other with no sense of "My baby is better than yours" going on. These factors make the group enjoyable.

However, at the end of the session is Sing Song time and I find it so, so cringy! We all get handed out that days particular song sheet and we are expected to sing songs about ducks and scarecrows whilst carrying out silly dance and hand movements to go with the words. Obviously the babies have to join in with all the dancing Personally I think the whole thing is very embarrassing.

Unfortunately Sing Song time is my neighbours favourite part of the session and whilst she is sitting on the mats, eagerly participating, I can see she isn't too impressed that I stay seated on my chair, do not join in and look at everyone else like I'm in some kind of alternative Universe.

I'm going to the group this afternoon and have absolutely no desire to join in with Sing Song time again. My friends think I'm being ridiculous and should just join in with the spirit of things...

AIBU to think singing about Winding Bobbins and a star that goes Twinkle Twinkle is my idea of a complete nightmare which should definitely be avoided??

is

Hi, Writer.

It's a little cringe-worthy with a small baby, but once baby's about 6 months, it's more fun! I enjoy the singing then!

DS1 looked at me with incredulity when I sat in the circle for singing at the end of toddler group each week. He then wandered off and climbed the curtains, crawled under the chairs and picked the locks to get out.

Now he is 11 and a member of our city's Boys' Choir and loves to sing. He still thinks it embarrassing when I do though.

Sit on the mat with your child and look friendly (you don't have to sing if you really can't bear to) or busy yourself with clearing up (quietly). Don't sit and watch or (the worst offence) talk to the other person who isn't joining in.

Most children enjoy silly songs very much from an early age, so don't sneer or disturb. It's not easy to find an activity a bunch of babies, toddlers, and parents can do together; this is the only easy, free thing which brings all these people together into a sort of community.

YABU.

Just pretend. I think over the years there are a lot of things you might have to do with a Dc which are for them not you.

I can't sing for toffee but will happily sing on a train in front of strangers now to stop my toddler tantruming. In fact from about 6 months I haven't found an easier way to calm or distract ds than singing. A short burst of row row row can do wonders and I wouldn't have remembered any songs without the singing groups. Ds although DH and I barely know the words asks for 'wind the bloody bobbin'

Your lo is only tiny but singing is meant to help language development and even before speech they follow rhythms and hand movements.

I understand the shyness but one rather bitchy comment about shyness an ex boss said to me was - 'only arrogant people are shy - they think people are looking at them rather than getting on with their own lives' actually over the years I've realized this is true.

Just tell you friend but tbh once your baby is bigger and smiles when you sing and wants to join in it won't matter at all as others have said IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU

I have a hard time just talking to my 7 week old. She just kind of stares blankly every time. I keep at it because it'll help get me in the habit of talking to her when she's older.

Once your baby is more interactive I'm sure it'll be much more fun. For now though, they're sort of in that no feedback stage.

I am deaf and have no ability whatsoever to hear a tune, let alone produce one! My DC are a bit older now, but when we were at baby groups, I would just mouth the words and wave their arms around. When they got older, they sang and waved their own arms, and I could just do a bit of smiling to show friendly.

I wouldn't ever stare critically at other people who are joining in! And I would feel a bit upset (somewhere deep inside) if someone did that to me My main aim at this sort of thing was (and still is at things like singing 'Happy Birthday' at kids parties etc.) is to look like I'm showing willing, whilst not offending anyone's ears with my braying.

Jesus, doing 'Wind the Bobbin Up' isn't my idea of a good time either, but I have a wildly musical 2 year old who bursts into song at the drop of a hat, so I do my bit at the one weekly group that takes place when I'm not working. If you really can't face it while your baby is so small, do as someone else said and wash up or get started on clearing up. Once you've stood barefoot on five pieces of Lego in a row, you'll be dying to get back to the second verse of 'Twinkle bloody Twinkle, Little Star'.

I hated this part of baby group at my first visit when dd was a tiny little bundle.
I didn't know the songs or wanted to! That is until I saw the look of pure joy and wonder on her chubby little face. She LOVED it. She would gurgle and beam through wind the bobbin up. I stopped feeling silly after that, I was just entertaining my little baby.

I used to hate the singing too, I didn't know the words or actions and felt stupid. I've ended up running a toddler group, so now I'm the one up at the front shaking my maracas and singing extra loud, you'll get used to it. DD loves it, and she's not shy about singing in public either which I'm glad of really. I hope she never grows out of that.

Just mime! But with a happy face on. I think the more you do it, the less embarrassing you'll find it. As others have said, songs are a brilliant way for kids to learn stuff and also they often love the songs. Also, bag a few songs for moments of need, OP, silly tunes etc help get my toddler to do stuff we'd otherwise have trouble with eg cleaning teeth, sit on loo, hairbrushing. Xx

If baby is asleep you are brilliantly placed to wash up or tidy up or check that the back door is locked properly.

At our group, singing is last, and I'm the demented one at the front leading. It's bloody hard work and 100% for the benefit of the children, as it helps with literacy and numeracy.

Our rule is that nobody has to join in, but you must not obstruct (eg by chatting, letting children run around, etc). Plenty of adults just sit quietly helping their children wind the bobbin, twinkle the star, make a little teapot short and stout, and so on.

Singing nursery rhymes and songs to your babies/ toddlers has been proven to be good for literacy skills further down the line.

These groups are there for a reason.

That said I loved that Modern Family scene when the gay dad had to dance in the middle at their baby group.

Oh, I honestly wouldn't worry about singing when your ds is so little! I'd feel silly doing that too - you're esentially singing to yourself which is bizarre and I'd imagine quite surreal . I started going to baby group when my dd was ten months and I loved joining in then - even though dd couldn't sing/understand the words she had a good go at warbling along and moving in rhythm to the music - so funny. I'd never think badly of someone with a baby sitting the singing bit out!

Just got back from group!!

There were more new babies today and so there were more people sitting out which meant I didn't feel too self conscious about doing it myself

However, I did smile a lot and tap my feet along with the music

DS slept through the whole session

Perfect

I three months time you will be singing lustily along with all the others. You won't be able to help it. There's only so many verses of Old MacDonald Had a Farm you can ignore.

Awwwww the singing is the best bit!! And I'm usually one of the ones that mime at weddings and find anything like that cringeworthy.

But DS loves it - we sing all the time at home. And it gets better once they start to understand the words. Best feeling ever seeing DS clapping his hands like a loon to "If you're happy and you know it"

Go on go on go ooooon!! You'll get to love it

I hate singing, ever since I was banned from singing at school and had to mime so as not to put off the other children!

As a teacher I've always sung very quietly in assemblies and was dreading the singing at baby groups. However, my Dd loves the singing. I did notice if I sat out I stood out more and that the attention was more on the babies/kids than us adults.

Saying that it is all a bit cringy from a woman that takes her Dd to baby ballet!!

I used to actually initiate singing at our local group because I liked it and liked how it involved both parents and children. But nothing is more likely to suddenly make you feel like a prize arsehole than one parent sitting all dignified on a chair, no matter how many are throwing caution to the winds and mooing/twinkling/chuff chuffing. Can't you just tell your neighbour you don't like the singing and head off home at that point? Sitting on a chair infects everyone with the idea that it's stupid, which is only a shadow away for most parents at the best of times.

Your baby is 8 weeks old.

In 3 months you will be singing along

In 2 years you will be leading the singsong

In 7 years you will be embarrassing your DC by bursting into "Dingle dangle scarecrow" and adding "awww . . . I used to sing that to you when you were an ickle bay-beee!

In 12 years you will start a nostalgic thread on Mumsnet about it.

I know what you mean OP. I did used to go to toddler group, and hated the singing bit, but I would join in with gusto, feeling like a knob.
Then, when ds got old enough to join in, he would just sit there, looking at everyone like as if he was a little embarrassed for them!
We we started leaving early instead, which always looked like I was taking some kind of stand against singing, walking out like that just as everyone was sitting in a circle! Cringey!

As your DC get older, a lot of the activities you do with them will probably involve you looking a bit silly.

Do I feel like an idiot walking along with toddler DD saying "look there's a dog! it's a brown dog! shall we say bye bye dog?" Of course I do. But I do it anyway because she loves it and it's how she learns. Same applies to playing on the roundabout at the playground, hopping up and down making silly faces, hiding behind a cooking pan and all sorts of other things. Yes it's embarrassing but I do it for DD.

If you are going to refuse to do anything you find cringey, then your DC are going to miss out big time.

It's not a disaster if you don't sing (although staying on your chair iwht catsbum mouth is a bit rude, why not sit on the mats and smile at other babies instead). But you're going to lose your dignity at some point why not start here.

I had a friend who started out as a singing-refuser, and very vocal about it. We all laughed and pointed when her pfb – an early talker – burst into “wind the bobbin” at some ridiculously early age, as it totally busted for her for SINGING TO THE BABY AT HOME.

Singing serves a purpose. Don’t alienate yourself from any tools that serve a purpose! Seriously, it is a great way of changing the child’s mood, communicating with the child, distracting the child, etc etc etc. Get tooled up. Otherwise when you have a marauding 10 month old you will be reduced to being one of those crumby-little-packety parents who are always shoving snacks in their child’s face because they have no other way of manipulating them, I mean, guiding their behaviour.

Also don’t give “alternate universe” looks to those who are less up themselves than you. It isn’t fair. Don’t join in if you really can’t bear it, but they aren’t odd, it’s you. Own your weirdness, don’t put it on them. You are like the goth who refuses to take her jumpers off on the beach, not like the cool one. If you want to be that goth, be her, but just accept that is who you are.

I used to cringe at singing at baby groups, I had eight years of toddler and baby groups. This is what I used to do for the weeks that I just could not bear to be singing......

I used to either blame my weak bladder to go just as singing starts (get into the circle first and start a song, it looks more authentic). Of course this only works if baby is asleep.

If baby is awake, then a full nappy change is going to take at least two verses of baa baa black sheep. If they start on Wheels on the Bus and do all the choruses then you are going to need a full nappy and outfit change. Of course, when you have changed baby and baby is in car seat then you will need to wash your hands, so you can add on the toilet visit. Voila double whammy song avoidance....

FFF x