Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

To not want to sing at Baby Group

147 replies

Writerwannabe83 · 20/05/2014 09:03

I have an 8 week old DS and a few weeks ago I started attending a Baby Group which my neighbour invited me to. It's at a lovely place, full of women and babies, loads of lovely toys and all the women chat to each other with no sense of "My baby is better than yours" going on. These factors make the group enjoyable.

However, at the end of the session is Sing Song time and I find it so, so cringy! We all get handed out that days particular song sheet and we are expected to sing songs about ducks and scarecrows whilst carrying out silly dance and hand movements to go with the words. Obviously the babies have to join in with all the dancing Personally I think the whole thing is very embarrassing.

Unfortunately Sing Song time is my neighbours favourite part of the session and whilst she is sitting on the mats, eagerly participating, I can see she isn't too impressed that I stay seated on my chair, do not join in and look at everyone else like I'm in some kind of alternative Universe.

I'm going to the group this afternoon and have absolutely no desire to join in with Sing Song time again. My friends think I'm being ridiculous and should just join in with the spirit of things...

AIBU to think singing about Winding Bobbins and a star that goes Twinkle Twinkle is my idea of a complete nightmare which should definitely be avoided??

OP posts:

peppinagiro · 20/05/2014 09:50

I agree with soupqueen and others. You must look really sneery sitting there refusing to join in. Either go and join in, or don't go. Jesus, it's just a bit of singing! Get over yourself.

Original poster

Writerwannabe83 · 20/05/2014 09:55

I think, as someone said, when DS is older and is aware of what's going on I will feel better about doing it....but sitting on the floor and singing whilst my baby is asleep in his car seat?? No thank you!

I sing to him all the time at home but in public and in such a cheesy way?? It's just not me at all!

OP posts:

DiseasesOfTheSheep · 20/05/2014 09:59

I'd be wondering if I'd dropped into an alternative universe too... I find the whole idea bizarre, but perhaps I picked that up from my mother

LittleRedDinosaur · 20/05/2014 10:06

You get used to it. I used to find it really embarrassing but would just mumble along. Now DD is older and clearly loves it it is so much easier to join in.
I do think sitting and obviously not joining in is rude though. There will be other mums there feeling a bit self conscious about it all and probably don't appreciate an audience. You could come across as appearing a bit superior

PrimalLass · 20/05/2014 10:09

I hated it too. If your baby is already asleep then why not just leave early?

AddUpToNothing · 20/05/2014 10:09

I don't think you're unreasonable at all. But then baby groups full stop are my idea of hell on earth and thankfully I never went to one.

We just sang silly songs and rhymes at home!

xlatia · 20/05/2014 10:11

I used to hate singing in public when DS was tiny, too, so mouthing the words to songs i didn't know anyway worked fine for ages. Now he's having a ball when we can sing and, yes!, dance together to the words and i'm not fussed anymore. however, i wouldn't mind a gin to go with it

TheScience · 20/05/2014 10:13

Either join in or leave before the singing - sitting out and staring at everyone else is weird and rude.

Shedding · 20/05/2014 10:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BrianTheMole · 20/05/2014 10:15

Well no, if your baby is asleep then I wouldn't sing. But you didn't say that in your op. Is your baby always asleep at that time? If so, why don't you go home? It is a bit rude to sit there looking sneary, although I'd probably feel more sorry for someone that did that than anything else, because they don't feel like they can join in.

sezamcgregor · 20/05/2014 10:16

I used to feel uncomfortable at first at baby groups - but after a while (once I knew all the words!) it got better.

I have a LOT more confidence now and love how having a child makes you push your boundaries!

At the moment, DS teaches me new hymns on the walk home. It's lovely.

Sigyn · 20/05/2014 10:22

I dunno, I'm in two minds.

I think this is an unfortunate but necessary part of babyhood really. I like singing. I like singing with my kids. I like it a lot more now I don't have to pretend to find meaning in off key songs about ducks. My kids can sing proper song now and its so much better.

I don't think you should deliberately avoid singing as part of the group, no, I think thats going to come across as rude. Mumbling and arm waving is the way to go.

I do think that this kind of overenthusiam for baby stuff like nursery rhymes can be deeply irritating in grown adults.

Baby groups aren't about the babies. They are about meeting other parents in the same boat. Thankfully, its a rite of passage you can only really do with your first anyway, unless you have big enough age gaps that the others are in school.

JuniperTisane · 20/05/2014 10:24

If baby is asleeo thats a oerfect excuse to get out of there and go for a walk with the pram instead. My babies didnt really start properly enjoying song time for a good few months so dont feel youre alone.

It is a bit odd to sit there refusing to join in oike a sulky little kid though.

Sigyn · 20/05/2014 10:26

"Oh dear...I do remember this first time round with DS1.. I felt like I was in some kind of spoof TV show, everyone so earnest and overly smiley. I couldn't believe this was my life now! "

yyy to this!

Its the earnestness with which they approach the singing of "five little ducks" (wtf IS it with songs about ducks?) that just gets me. I'm really too cynical for baby groups.

Original poster

Writerwannabe83 · 20/05/2014 10:28

I can't leave early as me and my neighbour go together

There are usually about 30-40 women at the group and it is me and one other who sit out, her DD is a few weeks older than my DS.

I'm going to make it my mission today that if DS is awake I will sing - I'm not sitting on the mat though, I'm not ready for dance moves

or maybe I could start feeding him just before Sing Song starts and give my apologies for not being able to join in

OP posts:

RonSwansonsLushMoustache · 20/05/2014 10:34

You don't have to sing if you don't want to but no need to look at the rest like they're from another universe.

If your baby is awake just jiggle them on your lap and hum along or whatever. If they're asleep in the carseat go and wash the cups up.

My most hated part of baby group was trying to help clear up whilst DS sat in his pram crying for me. The other parents had the same problem.

YABtotallyU about Twinkle Twinkle though. Talk about overplayed. By the time your baby is 3 you'll be ready to pull your own ears off every time that song starts.

MiaowTheCat · 20/05/2014 10:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 20/05/2014 10:46

Arsehole? Wow, MiaowTheCat, that's unkind.

I can understand OP's shyness. She's also concerned about it enough to post it on a website of singing mums. I read the OP as bluff and bluster because it's horrible to feel awkward when everybody around you is engaging in this with gusto.

If it were me I'd probably be upfront and honest; say that I really can't sing and yes, it's silly but could I possibly make the teas and coffees? I'd then sing and dance with my baby at home, not in front of people.

I'd truly hope that I wouldn't have started a stampede of parents wanting to make teas and coffees rather than join in the singing though... it could happen.

TheLowestFormOfWit · 20/05/2014 10:50

It is a bit weird. I always feel like a bit of a knob when it gets to sing song time.

I look around the room at the other mums, some of whom are friends, all clever, professional women with demanding careers in the real world and we're all flapping my hands around like loons. It does make me laugh at the surreality of it.

But when your DS is older and you can see him respond to what you're doing, you'll want to do whatever it takes to get a smile or a giggle out of them. I like nothing better than making DD crack up.

TheLowestFormOfWit · 20/05/2014 10:51

*our hands

FriedaMensch · 20/05/2014 10:53

I hate singing too - but I think not joining in makes it awkward for everyone - especially the poor person leading it.

A few people don't join in and sit looking superior, others notice them and start feeling self conscious, so they stop singing, others realise you can now hear their individual voices, and get embarrassed and start singing quieter. More people follow, it gets quieter and quieter, nobody can bear to meet anyone else's eye, the poor person leading the group has to wreck her vocal cords and act super enthusiastic to try and get people to join in. Everyone feels embarrassed.

You need everyone to be part of the group - you don't have to sing, but just sit with the others and plaster a grin on. Manipulate your baby's hands instead of doing the actions yourself. Or just smile and hold him with both arms so you don't have your arms free. But try and at least pretend a bit of enthusiasm.

CailinDana · 20/05/2014 10:54

Your baby is very young, so it's not such an issue yet. But remember as your child becomes a toddler you are his example and he will learn from you how to behave socially. Life is so much more fun if you try to lose you self-consciousness and just join in. Teaching your son to hang back and fade into the background isn't going to do him much good.

For now, it's fine to just sit it out, your baby is young, you're probably tired and there's no point in you just singing away on your own.

But as he gets older you really should make an effort to lead by example and show confidence - being able to participate in a group is a great skill that he will thank you for having when he's older (if he picks it up from you).

Also, you might consider that by refusing to participate you are being quite selfish as you are rejecting a nice activity that others are putting effort into providing. It is polite to go along with a well-meant activity that others are keen for everyone to enjoy, even if it isn't your cup of tea.

katese11 · 20/05/2014 11:02

YANBU to feel weirded out but you should probably get used to it...It seems to happen at every baby, toddler and preschool group I've been to. It seems absurd doing it with a newborn bit you might feel differently when it's your toddler singing "inkle inkle darrrr"

(disclaimer -dc1 was horrendous at sing time and wouldn't stay still at all...But dc2 loves it and does all the actions like a perfect child)

PrimalLass · 20/05/2014 11:05

It is easier when they are toddlers because you can act all silly with them.

However, I used to use the singing bit as a perfect excuse to help with the tidying up

DoJo · 20/05/2014 11:06

Its the earnestness with which they approach the singing of "five little ducks" (wtf IS it with songs about ducks?) that just gets me. I'm really too cynical for baby groups.

Maybe they're all faking it for the benefit of their children! As someone who has spent most of my life feeling self-conscious and avoiding doing things for fear of people laughing at me or not being good enough, I am keen to help my son avoid the angst of it all. If I thought that someone was sneering at my attempts to overcome my insecurities and using 'cynicism' as an excuse for looking down their nose at me I would be pretty pissed off.

You don't have to go to baby groups, you don't have to join in with singing/dancing/silly games, but believing that you are superior to others who choose to do so for the benefit of their children mean-spirited and churlish.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6