to think there could be as many neglected children in childcare as there are elderly people in care homes?

[choplouey]

I have three preschool children and a 7 and 9 yr old. I've worked in nurseries on and off since leaving university and obviously have been to a wealth of parks, soft play areas, toddler groups, childrens centres and so on in my nine years as a parent.

Before I get slated - this is not an attack on working mums or childcarers. I recognise that there are many people who want/have to work and many fantastic childcarers. However...

While working in nurseries (I've worked in 12) I've seen children plonked down as soon as their parent leaves and left crying, fussed over for 5 mins so they're happy before they return, an untrue record kept of food and nappies for non-verbal children, children told to shut up, upset children ignored in corners for great lengths of time and so on.

Last week I went to soft play and there was a childminder there. She sat on her phone for the entire time, despite two of her mindees hitting/being hit/crying. Today I went to toddler group and a childminder was working with her sister. One child was around 18 months and wailed the entire time. One kept asking 'what's wrong with you?' every ten mins, the other just plonked her down with toys and told her to stop being stupid.

Another mindee was dropped off by her mum and the childminder was all over her tickling and chasing her while mum was there. Literally the minute she left the childminder sat down, the little girl started crying and the childminder ignored her. Her sister rolled her eyes and said to her 'it's no wonder your mum's don't want you if you're both such miserable little cows!' and they laughed

The children this morning looked so hopeless and helpless and I left feeling furious that the childminder will tell their parents what a lovely day they've had and so sick at the thought of how crap she treats them at home if it's that poorly in public.

Aibu to feel this way and sad for how many parents are given misinformation?

How would a parent know, they aren't there all day?!
I'm a nurse, if I came on here and said I'd seen abusive care of a patient and done fuck all about it I'd get a roasting.
But that wouldn't happen, because I do give a shit about the people I care for, and I understand my responsibilities.

'Before choosing childcare for DD, we went to the local toddler group also frequented by some local CM.'

This is the best way to find a good CM in my experience. The good ones tend to go around with the children rather than chat and let the kids run wild.

These ones tend to go around together having coffee together at toddler groups and they often leave mindees outside/in the car etc.
the cm's go to a toddler group but leave the children in the car whilst they go in a drink coffee?? Really?? really/??
Did you also read my post about why it could be perceived that cm's have little interaction with mindees based on what you see at toddler groups?

I assume all the people who have witnessed terrible behaviour from childminders have reported them?

I assume all the people who have witnessed terrible behaviour from childminders have reported them?

I used to attend a toddler group, attended usually by three different childminders.

Two were absolutely fantastic with their mindees, and spent their time supervising or doing crafts with the children in their care.

The third was dreadful. One child was constantly strapped in her buggy and pushed into a corner. This child's dm bought her along one day and expressed her concern that the child wasn't walking or talking at 18mo.

Her other mindee was completely ignored, except for the day he soiled himself and she pushed him against the wall, got down on her knees and screamed in his face that he was stupid and dirty.

I did report, but nothing was done, except an inspection, and I ended up with all manner of abuse from her, was pretty much ostracised by her and her cronies ( small village ) and it was horrible for months.

On the plus side, one year on, she has very few mindees and the two lovely childminders have pretty much cleaned up.

nannynick, if you had kids would you put them into nursery from 6 months so you could go back to work? or use a childminder from that age?

am asking because I wouldnt and I've worked in many of them, including being a childminder for 3 years and I'd be interested in your answer.

No Outraged, apparently people are too concerned about their own job security, and think it's the parents responsibility to know what goes on when they aren't there.
[fucking bullshit]

There are good and bad nurseries and childminders just like there are good and bad parents. Anyone with concerns should absolutely report them immediately to ofsted and to the manager of the nursery, in writing and if it is serious enough to the local papers as well.

I had no choice but to return to work when my eldest child was 4 months old. I visit several nurseries and put her with the one that I felt most comfortable with and had the best reputation. Dd stayed there until she was school age. She was never unhappy to go at all and really looked forward to seeing her friends and developed close bonds with her key workers (she only had 2 in all that time). A few times I'd arrive early and peek in the window and she was always either being cuddled and read to or busy running about laughing her head off with her friends. She still has lots of little lovely memories from there now.

She has developed into a super bright 11 year old in the top groups at school and is extremely happy and social.

A few years ago we relocated to a more rural area and I had another child. I considered returning to work and went to view some nurseries. None of them seemed half as good as the one I'd used for dd in London. And one particular one made my blood run cold the way they were with the children and the environment itself. I came straight home and wrote and complained and also wrote to the local council about it. I still feel sad about things I witnessed there now and the staff obviously knew they had a parent there (me) !

Because of the lack of good childcare in our area dh and I are scraping by on his full time minimum wage job so I can stay home with ds until he reaches school age - as thankfully the infant school here is very good but he won't be going into nursery or a childminder before then.

But yes please please report concerns. But also there are good provisions for children too. Working parents just need more of them.

I think that is easier said than done when many are young,not that highly qualified,not paid a lot and doing a demanding job.

Many may not be aware that questionable behaviour is questionable ie not engaging in conversation,that records need to be thorough etc.When you're young you may not have the confidence to complain particularly when you know the shit may hit the fan and work would be an unpleasant place to be in.

Tbf it's down to nursery managers and owners.

Where I live I know childminders who have been reported.Close knit town,good quality childminders who work quite closely together and take the job seriously etc.Getting a minder in a close knit town with strong links to local schools/pre- schools etc is key.Imo nothing goes unseen in small towns and most minders/parents would report in a heartbeat.

care home abuse is on a whole different level but there are some nurseries where i would not leave my own kids. not because i feared they would be hit, insulted or left to sit in wee/poo, but because of lower level neglect. may as well leave the kids in the care of a robot that changes nappies hourly in some places. no harm comes to the kids but not exactly nurturing either

No, I'm talking about childminders. People who witness this terrible behaviour at softplay/playgroup/see them left in cars while the childminder is having a coffee etc.

No, I'm talking about childminders. People who witness this terrible behaviour at softplay/playgroup/see them left in cars while the childminder is having a coffee etc.

No, I'm talking about childminders. People who witness this terrible behaviour at softplay/playgroup/see them left in cars while the childminder is having a coffee etc.

To report(thread moved on whilst posting)

jeggings

I'm not well off at all, we have very little money. I just don't agree with cc for my children. I don't think anybody else can do as well as me and dh on the parenting or caring front.
I don't believe all settings are bad at all and know that many parents are happy with their chosen provider.

Adsy
I disagree and think if more parents did their homework and research rather than going for the most practical in terms of location to work they would see some red flags at least in the poorer settings.
A child fresh out of school won't know how to complain and may be scared of losing their jobs.
Most of my students were 16 -18 and working in nurseries, so they are employed this young.

oh the irony, Elle, that you are a nurse

so so much 'turning a blind eye' in hospitals as well. why dont nurses report it more often? honest question.

I thought lots of 16 year olds worked in nurseries but Sancerre told me that wasn't true.
FWIW all the cm's in our village are over 40 and know about childcare.

I have reported poor care, and I know a lot of other nurses that have. What the managers then do with the information is out of our hands.

Interestingly nobody has come on here and said that they use or have used a poor nursery or cm, clearly nobody would choose to do so and would be doing so unwillingly.

I think that's the point op was trying to make is that its not always clear what goes on behind close doors and some of the comments on here of first hand experience show that appearances can be deceptive.

Really the focus needs to be on what can be done to make the whole childcare provision more open so that parents can feel more comfortable.

I've had 3 sets of parents come to me because they were unhappy with the level of care in their nursery.
They have all; said the difference in care is very marked . There again, I know I'm a good CM and I know the nursery is crap and staffed by bored teenagers ( saving the keyworker who is the only mature one: she of course does the handovers then disappears doing the paperwork most of the day ). I have the luxury of doing the paperwork after everyone's gone home

I think my childminder adds to my children's life. I know they're fine because a) when I dropped off a birthday card the other week the 18 month old screamed blue murder that we weren't going in to see her all the way home "CM's name... CM's name... CM'S NAME!!". And my 4 year old the other day said "I love so so much" apropos of nothing at breakfast.

But where does guilt even come into it?

I didn't say it should. Someone uothread said we should stop making mums feel guilty. I said that I don't care if mums feel guilty - that isn't the point. Nor should it be a reason not to question poor child care.

I think there is often a misconception about childminders because there are people who call themselves childminders, when they are not qualified/Ofsted registered/insured. I know one of these and I wince when she explains to people she's a childminder, she isn't. She's working illegally and being paid cash in hand.

I think there is often a misconception about childminders because there are people who call themselves childminders, when they are not qualified/Ofsted registered/insured. I know one of these and I wince when she explains to people she's a childminder, she isn't. She's working illegally and being paid cash in hand.