to think there could be as many neglected children in childcare as there are elderly people in care homes?

[choplouey]

I have three preschool children and a 7 and 9 yr old. I've worked in nurseries on and off since leaving university and obviously have been to a wealth of parks, soft play areas, toddler groups, childrens centres and so on in my nine years as a parent.

Before I get slated - this is not an attack on working mums or childcarers. I recognise that there are many people who want/have to work and many fantastic childcarers. However...

While working in nurseries (I've worked in 12) I've seen children plonked down as soon as their parent leaves and left crying, fussed over for 5 mins so they're happy before they return, an untrue record kept of food and nappies for non-verbal children, children told to shut up, upset children ignored in corners for great lengths of time and so on.

Last week I went to soft play and there was a childminder there. She sat on her phone for the entire time, despite two of her mindees hitting/being hit/crying. Today I went to toddler group and a childminder was working with her sister. One child was around 18 months and wailed the entire time. One kept asking 'what's wrong with you?' every ten mins, the other just plonked her down with toys and told her to stop being stupid.

Another mindee was dropped off by her mum and the childminder was all over her tickling and chasing her while mum was there. Literally the minute she left the childminder sat down, the little girl started crying and the childminder ignored her. Her sister rolled her eyes and said to her 'it's no wonder your mum's don't want you if you're both such miserable little cows!' and they laughed

The children this morning looked so hopeless and helpless and I left feeling furious that the childminder will tell their parents what a lovely day they've had and so sick at the thought of how crap she treats them at home if it's that poorly in public.

Aibu to feel this way and sad for how many parents are given misinformation?

woolly, I just dont believe you, how many nurseries did you work in?

agree that childcare has become a profession now and it's more about the money than the care. Same in care homes.

There needs to be much tougher regulation to ensure that children (who let's face it are mostly pbabies and pre-schoolers) are better cared for. You don't read about general neglect like this in school so why should nurseries/childminders be any different?

Of course there are a few poor childcare settings in every area, but I've spent most of my career in and out of a lot of them, observed in literally hundreds and known a lot of places and staff over years. The massive majority of them love their kids to bits, know them and the families well and would do anything for them, and have gone to great lengths and a lot of expense and trouble to help individual families and kids with all kinds of needs. Yes there are one or two where I wouldn't leave a pet rabbit and they're usually under a watchful eye from the Local Authority. There are a lot where I'd leave my child without hesitation and a few where I wish my child had been able to go because it would have made such a difference.

It always worries me that parents read about one bad setting and assume all of them are like this. They really are not, but it's such a huge, huge step of trust to leave your child in someone else's care it's a terrifying thought that yours might be. Parents need to interview their nursery or preschool thoroughly when they're choosing one, and look around. Talk to the staff. Tell them what you're worried about. Gut instinct tells you a lot.

I did my work experience in a nursery when I was 14, GRIM. No abuse, just that the kids were ignored.

My cm looks after a child with behavioural problems who's mum drops her off at cm at every opportunity. She gets more attention at the cm than she would at home. What is the point of this thread apart from to make women who want or need to work feel bad? It is an attack on working mums and childcarers, whatever you say. It is hard for some to sah for 5 +years actually. A lot of people would never recover financially or career wise grom that. And there would soon be complaints if all the doctors/nurses/teachers with pte school children too years out. There would be a massive labour shortage.

wanabee inspectors DO NOT target areas so cms are nottipped off about anything. In fact, its to prevent this that inspections are not done by area.
SO, I assume you told this friend to go and bring the mindee in? Im sorry, I just dont believe you.

OP

Why did you not report the people in the 12 nurseries you worked in ...

12 nurseries ? You can't have lasted long at many of them.

I've worked at several different nurseries and preschools and so has DH. There are good ones and awful ones. DS1 went to a really good nursery, DS2 went to a preschool that wasn't great but the staff cared about the dc and he was only there 2 mornings a week so I felt it didn't matter if they weren't really teaching him much. DS3 doesn't go to preschool because there isn't one that we feel comfortable sending him to.

I've never seen abuse in nurseries, I'd have had to report that straight away

what I seen time and time again was kids looking for a bit of attention and being ignored because staff have a form to fill in or a report to write, kids being put down for a sleep as it suits the nursery but plainly not the kid, nappies needing a change left a bit too long..sorry, I know this sounds awful, I know how bloody hard it is to leave your child with a stranger, but something needs to done to make childcare more like nursing, properly trained and well paid (or at least much better than it is).

I put my child in nursery. He loved it. He is 12 now and still in contact with his key worker.

The important thing is to do choose your nursery with care and be vigilant. Many kids are in nursery and are fine.

And for that person saying why not look after your own child, I guess providing them with shelter, food etc in addition to love does not count in your books. Part of being a parent is providing the money to look after them and for many of us it means working.

why do people assume that threads like this are designed to get at working parents? surely if someone has to work and leave their dc in a childcare setting any parent should be confident that those settings are going to care adequately for their children?

Surely it's better that something be done either through regulation or government sponsored childcare rather than profit making businesses to ensure that the best care possible is available and that parents need not be concerned?

Reality is that most people would say nothing if they e.g. saw a crap cm out and about because most of what happens isn't illegal or actual abuse but just shit childminding, and the average person on the street wouldn't feel it was their responsibility to report to Ofsted for instance.

I dont think parents should have to look after their own kids, some prefer to work and fair play to them

but something needs to be done about the care kids receive in a lot of nurseries, someone has to look after the kids whilst parents are working, it should be better regulated.

gosh
how sad, that you did nothing to protect those vulnerable children that you were supposed to be caring for
if you see abuse and neglect you are supposed to report it, don't you know that op?
it's a basic part of safeguarding children and if you don't then you have committed an offence
complaining about poor care in nurseries is meaningless and potentially harmful unless you are prepared to do something about it
my key children love me, they tell me every day,
there are good nurseries out there, it's not all about the money
as the saying goes we do it for the outcome, not the income

Report. You should always report.

And yanbu of course there's going to be neglect. It will take a secret camera type shoe to reveal it though.

My nanny said she would never put her kid in nursery (she used to work in one and left as hates it)

I think this thread is cruel.

Not because of what has, or may, have been done to children, but because it will now make all of us who had little choice about leaving our children in childcare worry, and worry again that we did the right thing for them.

Surely, given that a lot of women are beset by guilt, the OP shouldn't try to congratulate herself on her wonderful choice to stay at home, at the expense of those of us who felt we had no choice.

What is the point of this thread apart from to make women who want or need to work feel bad?
Bull shit.

The point is to flag up poor care.

I would rather working mums felt guilty enough to make sure their children were properly cared for quite frankly (I am a working mum with two kids, one goes to preschool and we have a nanny too. I've used nursery in the past)

That's why I've never used a childminder. I have ended up helping mindees too many time in softplay who are basically being ignored and left to their own devices when childminders sit in a group and chat. Children upset or hurt and no-one even looking or giving a shit. I know there are lovely ones out there but how do you know?

The nursery we chose had CCTV everywhere. There was a manager watching everything. The staff were lovely and my son ran in every day. I was told if he was upset and trusted them. I have been a SAHM for a year and may have to put my two year old back in when I go back to work. I personally would love to be a childminder. I love children and love having fun with them.

YANBU, but surely the point is to do something about it. There is a clear lack of protection out in the community - in supermarkets, soft plays etc. There should be a duty of child protection on people working in these places to ensure that they report any abuse they witness. It shouldn't be down to witnesses like yourself OP who has no way of knowing who these people are.

^^ YES to hotcrosshunny

OP - this is your second post on MN, your first being "AIBU to keep dsc against their mum's wishes?"

Are you looking for a bit of attention?

It's why I put my children into state nurseries and not private. Staff really are fully trained and there is accountability via governors and inspectors and a wealth of experience.

My private nursery was chosen with care and was excellent. I looked at a range of options and felt it was the best care for my child.

You can find excellent care, satisfactory care and bloody awful care in all areas of life... In the family home, childcare, elderly care, supported living for disabled...

The key is to do your research incredibly carefully... I would never even consider a childcare setting which didn't welcome unannounced drop ins, and of course as a parent you know best whether your child is happy and secure.

If the only experience you've ever had of nurseries is crap ones then I suppose you have very little option but to keep your children at home, even if that means giving up your work.

Very glad that my two went to a fabulous nursery (and prior to that an equally good childminder) ... If I'd only had the option of some of the rubbish described here then either I or DH would have had to jack in our careers I guess