to think there could be as many neglected children in childcare as there are elderly people in care homes?

[choplouey]

I have three preschool children and a 7 and 9 yr old. I've worked in nurseries on and off since leaving university and obviously have been to a wealth of parks, soft play areas, toddler groups, childrens centres and so on in my nine years as a parent.

Before I get slated - this is not an attack on working mums or childcarers. I recognise that there are many people who want/have to work and many fantastic childcarers. However...

While working in nurseries (I've worked in 12) I've seen children plonked down as soon as their parent leaves and left crying, fussed over for 5 mins so they're happy before they return, an untrue record kept of food and nappies for non-verbal children, children told to shut up, upset children ignored in corners for great lengths of time and so on.

Last week I went to soft play and there was a childminder there. She sat on her phone for the entire time, despite two of her mindees hitting/being hit/crying. Today I went to toddler group and a childminder was working with her sister. One child was around 18 months and wailed the entire time. One kept asking 'what's wrong with you?' every ten mins, the other just plonked her down with toys and told her to stop being stupid.

Another mindee was dropped off by her mum and the childminder was all over her tickling and chasing her while mum was there. Literally the minute she left the childminder sat down, the little girl started crying and the childminder ignored her. Her sister rolled her eyes and said to her 'it's no wonder your mum's don't want you if you're both such miserable little cows!' and they laughed

The children this morning looked so hopeless and helpless and I left feeling furious that the childminder will tell their parents what a lovely day they've had and so sick at the thought of how crap she treats them at home if it's that poorly in public.

Aibu to feel this way and sad for how many parents are given misinformation?

Permanentlyexhausted... It's an interesting thought isn't it?
I have always worked (though part time when mine were pre school, that was for my benefit really - nothing wrong with working full time)
I suspect my children would have been just as happy if I or DH had been a SAHP though. Not saying they would have been happier - it would have been a different but equal experience.
Having said that, mine or dh's career would have taken a hit!

Bridge - you're contradicting yourself. They don't need interacting with for 10 solid hours because it's fine "leaving them to play for a while". It is very important that sometimes they aren't shown how to play with things, but just left to use their imagination and decide how to play with them as they want (destruction notwithstanding).

Nurseries are inherently unsuitable for under 3s , I don't know whether I would go as far as neglectful.

Retro Ignore, it doesn't matter what anyone says, some people are looking for a fight and a de railing...Ignore. Its not relevant.

Our DCs are now schoolage. We've used all forms of childcare. They've thrived in all. From the grandparents not speaking their language, to stressed dad out of work, au pair, nanny, CM, nurseries, after school club. The kids are fine. Nighty night.

And that- ladywithlapdog- is really all that matters. That our children grow into happy, secure and successful adults

God these threads make me feel so guilty for using a nursery. My dd hated hers, even though it was supposed to be outstanding. It makes me wonder though. I took her out in the end. Its so difficult, esp now I see so many nursery workers who say they wouldn't use one themselves.

It's interesting as I parent I used to try and encourage my dc to sod off and play with other kids at toddler groups so I could have a cup of tea and chat(what toddler groups were actually designed for). I did all the interaction stuff at home.

As a childminder I hovered- a lot!I always felt as I was being paid I should interact,I also worried re accidents,possible escapees etc.

To be honest as a parent I'd want my childminder to ensure safety,keep constant watch but not necessarily to constantly jump in.I'd want said cm to have a break too.Childcare is hard work whoever is doing it.

Will do Born.Knackered so off to bed soon anyway.

That's why when I wrote interacting with I followed it with watching. I.e not sitting on your arse drinking coffee. Perhaps interacting isn't the correct word. Basically, being involved with. Especially when they aren't your children.

To be honest as a parent I'd want my childminder to ensure safety,keep constant watch but not necessarily to constantly jump in

The good nanny I saw with the same child did this, we became friends! I dont know why but I had a soft spot for the child she looked so lost....and I really liked the new nanny.

The old nanny threw child in and never cast a glance unless there was a shriek somewhere. There was no connection and no care.

The new nanny was also chatting to everyone else on side lines, but she was always aware of the child, to smile, make eye contact...dive in if necessary....because she genuinely cared for the child. It was plain the bond was so much better.

x post bridge

Unless you're terribly short sighted or it's a massive playgroup you can both watch/supervise and sit on your arse drinking a coffee. That is the genius of playgroup.

Unless you're terribly short sighted or it's a massive playgroup you can both watch/supervise and sit on your arse drinking a coffee. That is the genius of playgroup.

Yes I know what you mean and I have seen both types you describe.

It just makes me laugh as most parents I know dump at toddler groups and then leg it to the kitchen to grab a coffee and can be the ones who interact the least.

Yes but I think the distinction is pretty clear between still being involved or not as per above.

And to be fair the whole point of toddler groups is to facilitate parents getting together and being able to chat whilst the kids play with other kids(not their mums).

A childminder isn't supposed to be like a nursery in a house though.It is supposed to be like being in a family.So the Cm takes the kids on her errands to post a letter and pay a cheque into the bank, and she puts on a load of washing as a mum would as well as a few child centred activities -not create some weird kind of pre-school bubble.

Exactly Sassy and I'd so want that for my kids.A mixture of structured play,free play,home comforts,chilling when they wanted to chill,the local community,links with their future pre-school/skill......

school

Born - if that was aimed at me, it was entirely unnecessary. I'm not looking for a fight with Retro. I was just genuinely interested in how someone could be so sure of the way their children would feel about something they had never experienced. I don't think I can know how my children would feel about something we'd never done.

Bridge - I was taking 'interacting' to mean actually communicating with in some way/doing something together.

I worked in a few under fives settings a number of years ago. I remember the scruffy place where the children were well cared for and loved. And the very expensive place where I was shocked at the facilities for babies. No abuse, just a lack of real care.

I think it is important to look beyond the superfacial stuff.

Retro - that's normal.

As a parent I allow my children to do things with much less supervision than I would ever allow my Brownies to do. It's just different when you are entrusted to look after someone else's children. For some people anyway - if that applied to everyone, this thread would never have been started.

Really you don't know how your dc will react to something they haven't experienced,what never?Parents pre-judge using their knowledge of their children all the time from deciding between nursery/cm/nanny to which primary school would suit them best.

Yep-bed now!