Oooooo she's very pretty - fuck off

[Putthenerfdown]

NC for this and in no way a stealth boast.

AIBU to be sick of hearing this about myself.

Met DPs family for the first time. We went for dinner and I was polite, we had an interesting discussion about the elections, I talked to his mum about books, we had a good time. I sent a nice text the next day thanking them for paying for the meal.

DP spoke to them today. I asked him if they had a good time "yes they enjoyed it, they said how pretty you are". Um ok...anything else "no just that your pretty oh and my DM thinks your very slim"

Which is lovely. Unless your bored of bring pretty or having a nice figure. And yes I TOTALLY know how this reads (like I'm a conceited bitch). But I've heard this for years and just once it would be nice to be funny or clever or kind or interesting and not yes she's got good genes.

AIBU and should shut up or not? DP doesn't see the problem "but you are pretty" was his reply.

Great link Hecate

Oh do bore off

ForForksSake - but if she's really, really good looking then that is going to be people's first impression of her. That's just human nature, it's not necessarily about compartmentalising.

The pseudo in laws have only met her once. I'm sure an indepth appreciation of the OP will come. I agree with Aeroflotgirl.

rest, if you find a thread tedious, do feel free to look elsewhere for amusement.

Do you remember Kathy Burke writing a letter to Time Out magazine attacking Helena Bonham Carter for suggesting that "if you're not pretty and you're working-class, you have an easier time in terms of people's attitudes to you."

Her response was unprintable.

Well I guess you didn't manage to let your personality shine through.

Better luck next time!

And don't disregard the fact that there may be some motherly pride there - you know, "She could have had the pick of any man but she chose my Dave, just shows how wonderful he is".

Apologies if that theory sounds a bit 80s sitcom .

I love being told I am pretty and slim but I'm a bit thick so I guess it's ok.

I can understand you want to be acknowledged for your intelligence and achievements rather than only your appearance. Your DP's parents were probably just commenting in passing about their first impression though and not doing a detailed analysis of the evening, when they may well have been impressed by your interesting conversation. Don't let your frustration spoil what sounds like a good start with them.

Haven't read the thread but wanted to say YABU - I've had 75% coverage of psoriasis before and endured hell with it .
But...
I also have a stunning mate who feels like you do . It all started with her mum telling her that looks fade but brains don't ...it's shattered her confidence .. So yanbu too !

Er..Yanbu really it's just one of those platitudes people say like 'nice' or 'sweet'! I guess it could get boring, but then at least they are not saying you are boring or fat! I know what you mean but unless someone is a complete boffin I don't know that I'd go on about how 'clever' they are or whatever. I was described as 'nice' but a bit 'intimidating' by my MIL the first time I met her.. possibly worse than 'pretty'! Don't sweat it Put, I'm sure after first impressions people must have some better adjectives for you!

Sorry meant to say YOU ARE bu! whoops!

I'm sure they will be very contrite when they are told that they paid you the wrong compliment and not the one you wanted.

In fact, thinking about it, perhaps they didn't like you and that was the only nice thing about you they could think to say

You can be comforted that with every passing day this will become less and less of a problem until that day arrives when no one ever says anything about your prettiness ever again.

How fortunate for you there is an end in sight to your troubles. For some of us, we will get the comments about aspects of our appearance until the day we die.

I'm afraid it is a stealth boast and actually makes you sound superficial despite you trying to portray the opposite. If you really can't see that being good-looking/beautiful is a blessing then you need to get out more.

Being beautiful opens doors to relationships, careers, opportunities and is correlated to higher income.

You really need to get over yourself.

I earn the highest salary in my company. The other day I was holding a meeting with some junior (badly paid) staff and bent to pick up something off the floor and my Samsung galaxy s4 phone, that was in my pocket, dug right into my hip. And I said exactly this OUT LOUD. My very large and expensive phone was uncomfortable for 2 seconds.

I was being an absolute wanker and need to have gratitude for blessings.

Now you try.

I suspect that there's a reason why the OP attracts the compliments she gets and doesn't attract the compliments she wants.

I am neither pretty nor slim but I get what you are saying OP and can see how that would irk. Am not impressed by the chippy remarks that you have received.

And this thread proves a point perfectly - there are some shitty nasty comments on here in reply to an attractive woman's winge ... Lots of people can't see how attractive people are often treated badly for it .
My neighbour is a stunner , she has been abused for years because of it - by the school secretary ! Serious bitchy mean snidy underhandedness , and I believe it's because she's jealous .

IME when a person is interesting and clever, that's what people mention about them. When they are neither, that's when their looks are commented on. Either approvingly or disapprovingly.

Have we seen pics yet?

Sorry OP, no pics = you are Samantha Brick.

OP they've only just met you, perhaps they are reserving their judgement of you for now, or at least from your partner.

I'm sure that if it was my son, brother whatever I wouldn't want to gush about how intelligent, interesting or kind you came across just yet. If pushed I would just have to say 'oh yes she seemed lovely, how pretty'

It's kind of non-committal, that's all.

Female friend wise, I have 3 very close female friends and a wider group of mates. So no, not the "I get on better with men than women, women are so bitchy" type you are insinuating.

There really are some nasty, unkind and frankly wrong posts on this thread. How dare a woman voice the opinion that she might be pretty and it's not the only thing she wants to be defined as.

Waltons that is awful for your neighbour but let's be realistic - most people would take stunning over ugly for themselves (or indeed their children).

I bet if you took 100 seriously beautiful people and 100, to put it bluntly, terribly ugly people and asked them all if their looks have had an adverse effect on their lives, what do you think the answers would be?

Yanbu op. Nobody should be made to feel like an ornament. Sadly we live in a society where women are valued most for their youth and good looks. It needs to change.